14: For What It’s Worth

 

I didn’t want to say goodbye. It sucked all around. I wasn’t sure if I was in love with Sookie, but the feelings I had were a lot stronger than I’d ever remembered feeling for anyone. It was absurd. She was so young, and completely out of my league. She was probably way too good for me and deserved so much better. That was what I told myself to feel better about saying bye.

 

She was leaving for the airport early the next morning. We were spending a few more hours together before she went back to Hadley’s to finish packing her things. More than anything I wanted to study her pretty face so I didn’t ever forget it.

 

“Is it silly that I want to remember every single line of your body?” I asked. We were sitting on the couch with Sookie wrapped around me.

 

“No, it’s not. I think it’s sweet.”

 

“I knew to expect this, but I didn’t think it was going to feel this bad.” I had a stupid ache in my chest that wouldn’t go away. I was sure it was going to be there for a long, long time to come.

 

“I’m going to miss you too,” she said. “All summer long I’ve been telling myself not to get too attached because I knew this wasn’t going to last. Feelings don’t know reason or logic, is what I’m starting to find out.”

 

“You know if it was up to me I’d keep you here with me for all time,” I said, reaching up to stroke her hair out of her face. “I got you something… kinda like an early birthday present…” I got her a necklace of a hand carved barn owl in flight. I wasn’t sure why I chose that one but it screamed Sookie to me for some reason. A seashell or starfish would have made better sense.

 

“You did?” She looked touched and surprised at the same time. “Shoot, I didn’t get you anything.”

 

“You don’t have to get me anything.” I reached over to the end table. The necklace was in a little black pouch. “Here.” I handed her the gift.

 

Sookie pulled the drawstrings on the pouch and looked inside. She reached in to pull out the chain and gasped.

 

“I love it!” she said. She smiled and added, “Owls are my favorite birds.”

 

“Are you serious?” I had no clue.

 

“I hear them all the time in the woods behind my house,” she told me. “I love listening to their hoots and calls at night. This is… it’s perfect.”

 

“I was thinking I should have gotten you something ocean related since we spent so much time at the beach. I saw that and I knew it had to be yours. Want me to put it on you?”

 

“Yes, of course.” Sookie handed me the necklace and then reached back to lift her hair for me. “I’m glad you chose the owl and not something beachy. This is absolutely perfect.”

 

I reached around to settle the necklace on her chest before I fastened it. She let her hair down and turned to face me so I could see it.

 

“It looks at home around your neck,” I smiled. “Absolutely beautiful.”

 

“Thank you.” She leaned forward to kiss me.

 

I held onto the back of her head so I could keep her lips on mine a little longer. I was going to miss her lips. I was going to miss every single thing about Sookie. She was more than a girlfriend. I had a feeling she was going to be the one that got away. I knew I was going to battle with myself about going Louisiana to see her. I knew letting her go, quitting cold turkey, was going to be best for us.

 

“You’re welcome,” I whispered when the kiss broke.

 

“Someday you’re going to make a great husband,” she told me.

 

“I’m scared I’m never going to meet anyone I like as much as I like you. What’s the male version of a spinster?” I chuckled.

 

“Hugh Hefner,” she joked.

 

“I don’t know if I’d mind being a Hugh Hefner,” I teased.

 

“Oh I’m sure you wouldn’t mind pretty ladies wigglin’ all over you,” she said, eyes narrowed with a hint of jealousy.

 

“You’re the only pretty lady I want wiggling anywhere near me,” I assured her. It was true. I was sure I was going find a girl just to try to get over her. I wasn’t too sure how long Sookie would be gone before that happened.

 

“For now,” she sighed.

 

“I’m sure there’s someone at home that’s going to snatch you up and make you forget all about me in no time.” I twirled my fingers in her hair. I pulled her face to mine for another lingering peck.

 

“You could be right. I might be married before my nineteenth birthday,” she whispered between kisses.

 

“While I hang out being an old alcoholic that checks out younger chicks.” I nipped her bottom lip. I wasn’t surprised when I felt her hand on my inner thigh.

 

“Sounds like you’ve got a great future ahead of you,” she replied, moving her hand up my thigh.

 

“Mmm, could be. You’ll have your two point five kids with a white picket fence.” I slipped my hand under her top, searching for her breasts. When I found her nipple I rolled it between my fingers.

 

Sookie moaned and said, “No, more than two point five. I want at least four kids.”

 

“If your husband won’t give them to you, look me up.” I dipped my head down so I could kiss the side of her neck as I played with her tits. “I’d give you all the babies you want.”

 

“Or die tryin’, right?” She unzipped my jeans and reached into them to pull my cock free. She was much more confident than she was the first time she unzipped my pants.

 

“Mmhmm,” I hummed. I pulled back long enough to pull her shirt over her head, tossing it on the coffee table. I shifted us so we were lying down next to each other. Sookie was able to stroke me, making me moan into the kiss. She was very good at what she did. I’d never been so compatible with someone in the past.

 

“You might want to stop after seven or eight,” she said. Her thumb rubbed over my tip just right.

 

“It’ll be up to you.” I tugged her nipple lightly the way I learned she liked. I loved the sound of her sweet moans. After a few seconds my hand drifted down her stomach so I could pop the button on her shorts.

 

Sookie released my cock so she could wiggle out of her shorts for me. She wasn’t wearing panties for a change. When I pulled her back down she squeaked and giggled.

 

She was so damn cute. Ugh.

 

I pulled her on top of me so her legs were straddling her hips. I leaned up, wrapping my lips around her nipple, making her giggles turn into moans. My hands ghosted down her back. I grabbed her ass, pulling her forward so her warm, wet folds rubbed over my cock.

 

“Ohhhh… Eric, that feels so good,” she moaned. Her hand pumped up and down my length, twisting a little bit on the upstroke like I had shown her when we went up to Oregon.

 

“Yes it does,” I agreed quietly. I bit down lightly, pulling her nipple out as I flicked it with the tip of my tongue. I moved to the other tit, giving it the same attention.

 

Sookie shifted a little bit so I could feel how turned on she was getting by what I was doing. Her free hand slipped into my hair to pull my head back from her chest. She leaned down and pressed her lips to mine. The kiss was gentle for a few seconds, but then she licked my lips to get them to part. When they did, she took advantage and put everything she was feeling into that kiss.

 

It was everything I was feeling too. There were so many emotions swirling between us. She’d grown sexually so much in the last couple months, but that wasn’t it. That was nothing compared to what we were feeling for each other. It was probably love, but I was more content leaving it unnamed.

 

As we kissed long and hard I rocked my hips up, rubbing my solid length through her folds. This was going to be our last time together. I wasn’t holding anything back. It was clear she wasn’t either.

 

Sookie shifted again to allow my cock to slide into her. She moaned as I filled her and didn’t waste any time in moving her hips. Her fingers tangled in my hair as we kissed while she bounced up and down on top of me.

 

It wasn’t the first time she’d been on top, but it felt way, way better than the last time. The emotions were stronger and we were allowing them to come out. As she bounced I gripped her ass a little harder before giving it a light smack. I swallowed to moan that left her lips before I spanked her again. If I’d known she was going to enjoy a little spanking I would have done it weeks ago.

 

Sookie pulled away from the kiss and sat up a little straighter. Her head fell back, leaving her perfect tits on display for me. They bounced nicely as she moved up and down my length. What surprised me was when she reached down to rub her clit, too.

 

I was going to do that for her, but watching her do it turned me on even more. Instead I settled my hands on her hips for a while, helping her bounce. Her walls were so warm and wet I could feel her honey dripping down to my balls. Eventually my hands moved up to grab her tits, rolling and tugging her nipples.

 

Sookie gasped and all of a sudden her body went rigid. It seemed like the orgasm snuck up on her from out of nowhere. “Eric!” she cried out as her walls gripped my shaft over and over again.

 

“Mmm, perfect,” I breathed. Sookie’s body rocked and shivered as she came. It was one of the most beautiful sights I’d ever seen.

 

Once she calmed down some I rolled us over so she was under me. I pulled out and slid down her body so I could taste her sweet nectar one last time. I gave her two more orgasms with my mouth before I moved back up her body so I could slide my hard, thick length into her again. It wasn’t sex. It was definitely making love this time. I wasn’t sure how I was going to let her go, but I had to do it. I didn’t have any other choice.

 

When I finally came I was buried deep inside of her. Sookie had tears trickling down her cheeks. It was hard for me to see. She knew I hated to see her cry. I knew it was impossible for her not to cry. I was sure I was going to cry later. I couldn’t do it in front of her.

 

I kissed her cheeks one at a time, not worrying about her tears on my lips. I then kissed her lips, giving it everything I had. I wanted her to feel what I was feeling and I think I did a pretty good job conveying that with my lips.

 

“Can I sleep here tonight?”

 

“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” I whispered, resting my forehead on hers. I didn’t mind getting up early to take her back to Linda’s for her things.

 

“Good.” Her legs wrapped around me to keep me close and her lips pressed to mine.

 

It was going to be impossible to let Sookie go. It was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever have to do in my young life.

 

***

 

When I awoke the next morning I was in bed alone. I had an empty feeling in my chest like I was missing a part of my soul. It was terrible. I rolled over to my side to hug Sookie’s pillow, smelling her sweet scent for as long as possible. I was surprised when there was a crinkle on the pillow. I opened my eyes to a folded piece of paper with my name neatly written on the back. I was scared to see what it said, but I couldn’t stop myself from opening up the note to see what it said.

 

Dear Eric,

 

Well, I guess I’m finally showing my age by writing you this letter. There’s a lot of things I want to say but I know if I tried to actually say them I’d just lose my nerve.  I didn’t want to ruin the night we had together with a tearful goodbye. I want to remember the better part of the night, because it was certainly worth remembering.

 

We haven’t had much time together and I know if we could, we’d stay together for much longer. I keep telling myself that the timing here is just all wrong, and that somehow, someday our paths will cross again. I don’t know if that’s because I’m still just a silly kid or if it’s because I truly believe in the possibility of that kind of happily ever after.

 

What I do know is that I came to California with no intention of getting involved with someone. My very first night here you changed all that. I don’t regret a second of it. I don’t regret a second of the time I spent with you, no matter how much it hurts to leave. I have to believe that this has run its course, that I learned what I needed to for now. I did learn a lot about myself because of you, Eric. I figured out some things I don’t think I would have any other way.

 

There are things I can never repay you for, not that you would let me. I know you didn’t do any of the things you did because you were looking to get something in return. All you wanted was to see me happy, and I’ve never had that before. I’ve never had someone in my life who was just there because their heart beat solely to see me smile. You have no idea how much that means to me.

 

No matter who I meet or where life takes me, you’ll always be with me. You have a special place in my heart that no one will ever be able to take from you. I’m straddling the line between being grateful for what we have and wanting more. I’d like to think that if I decided to skip the flight and stay, that we would somehow find a way to make it work. Yet, as much as I’ll miss you, I know there’s a part of me that just isn’t ready for a lot of the things you are. There’s too much life I have yet to live. I haven’t seen enough of the world yet to know if you’re who I’m destined to be with.

 

I also know that you are the yardstick that every other man who comes into my life will be measured against. You’re leaving some pretty big shoes to fill, and I promise you that I won’t settle for just anyone to fill them. It’s going to take a while to get over you. I know it won’t be easy for you either. I have no doubt that you’ll find someone closer to your age that can really appreciate all the things you have to offer, because you’ve got a lot to offer.

 

As good as we are together, I know you can do better than me. I think deep down you know that too. No matter what, we’ll always have our memories.

 

We’ll always have Janis.

 

Take care of yourself, Eric. I promise I’ll do the same and try to be as fearless as I know you would encourage me to be. I’ll do my best to live for myself the way I know you would want me to. I know I deserve it and you have a lot to do with that. I’ll never forget it.

 

Just know that for me, you’ll always be the one that got away.

 

Until we meet again,

 

Susannah

 

I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt a tear trickle down my cheek, dripping onto my arm. They were the kindest words I’d ever read and I knew she meant every one of them. I knew how she felt because I felt the same way; she just said it much more eloquently.

 

It took me some time to get my sad sack ass out of bed. I was going to mourn the loss of Sookie far longer than I wanted to, and I knew it. I had to believe that if it was truly meant to be, which I was sure it was, we’d meet again. She was always going to be in my thoughts. She’d taken up residence in my heart and it was going to be impossible to let that go.

 

Eventually I made it to the kitchen to get some coffee going. I decided I was going to take a break from California and go visit my parents for a while. I was shitty at dealing with heartbreak. I needed my mother.

 

I was just getting ready to call my mother when the doorbell rang. As much as I wished it was Sookie changing her mind, I knew it wouldn’t be her. I was right. When I opened the door there was a letter carrier standing there with a certified letter in his hand. I knew without even accepting it what it was.

 

“May I help you?” I asked. The blood in my veins began to run cold.

 

“I need a signature on this please.” He held out the letter and a pen so I could sign for it.

 

My hand was already shaking when I grabbed the pen and letter so I could sign it. I was sure it wasn’t the kind of letter I was interested in accepting. When I handed the pen back, followed by the envelope my vision had gone fuzzy before he handed the letter to me, wishing me a good day.

 

I carried the letter to my couch and plopped down. It took me over ten minutes to actually open it up.

 

I was right.

 

For once I was pissed I was right about something.

 

I read in big, bold letters across the top of the page “ORDER TO REPORT FOR INDUCTION”. That was all I needed to see. I was officially fucked in a way I didn’t want to be. My father got his way. I was heading to war.