THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SEXUALLY VIOLENT SCENES AND RAPE. READ ON AT YOUR OWN RISK.
She must be insane taking pictures like that in front of another man’s door. I shut down my computer and walk out to my car. It takes about five minutes to get to her apartment. She better be inside.
I get out of my car and lock it up. I race through the lot to get to her apartment and I walk in like I own the place. She’s lucky she’s in the apartment, sitting on the couch.
“Is there a reason I got a picture of you in your underwear in front of another man’s house?” I ask as I stalk toward her. I’m unbuttoning my shirt as I walk.
“Because my internet boyfriend suggested I hook up with the neighbor,” Sookie says with a sassy little smile.
I growl and when I reach her I unbuckle my belt to pull it off before I toss it on the ground.
“That was a very naughty thing to do, Sookie.”
“I’m sure only one or two of the neighbors saw me out there,” she says casually.
I lean down, forcing her back when I get in her face. “No one sees you like that unless I say so,” I growl.
“Yes, Sir,” she smiles.
I grab her by her throat, making sure she can breathe okay, and lift her off the couch. I march her backward until she’s against the wall.
“You knew you would get punished for that, right?” I ask quietly.
“Only if you found out.”
“Mmm, and I found out. Go get your paddle, Sookie.”
She gasps in surprise and says, “Yes, Sir.”
I let go of her throat and watch as she scampers into her room. She comes back a few seconds later with a black paddle, leather on one side, furry on the other. I reach out my hand and she gives it to me.
“Bend over the arm of the couch, feet shoulder width apart,” I direct her.
“Yes, Sir,” Sookie says softly and gets into position.
As I walk toward her she looks back at me. “Eyes forward,” I command and her head snaps forward.
I step up behind her and rub her ass, dipping under her panties. When I move down her thighs I take the red lace with me. I slide it down to the middle of her thighs. When I look at her pussy it’s glistening.
“Does the idea of me paddling your ass excite you, Sookie?”
“It was the dirty things my friend said,” she tells me.
I growl again and without warning I spank her hard with the paddle.
“Ah!” Sookie cries out and reaches back to rub her ass.
“Hands on the couch and this time you will count your spankings,” I inform her. I see her pussy clench at my command.
“Yes, Sir,” she says softly.
I spank her again and wait for her to count.
I run my thumb through her slit once, making her moan. I pull back and bring the paddle down hard on her left cheek.
“Two, Sir,” she whimpers.
Her pussy gushes a little and I reach down to massage her clit for a moment.
I still have my thumb on her clit when I give her another swat.
“Three, Sir,” Sookie moans and her hips wiggle to try to get more friction.
I take that as my cue to move my finger away. I spank her again.
“I’m going to give you a choice now. One more hard swat or five more at the same intensity I’ve been giving,” I offer. I know I shouldn’t give her a choice, but she knows how hard I can hit.
“I’ll take five, Sir,” Sookie says quietly. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”
“I know,” I tell her and swat her ass with the paddle.
“Ahhh! Five, Sir.”
Sookie reaches to rub her ass again. I smack her hands away and tell her, “You just added two more.”
Sookie whimpers again and nods her head.
This time I rub her ass with the fuzzy side of the paddle for a minute. Without notice or warning I flip it around and spank her ass again.
We get through the next three easily. Before number eleven I shove two fingers into her cunt. She’s soaked.
“Oh fuck,” Sookie moans and then sniffles a little.
Along with the sniffle I feel her walls clench around my fingers. I pull out and give her another spanking. It’s killing me that she’s hurting, but she wants a punishment, she’s going to get one.
“Eleven!” Sookie cries out.
I don’t waste time. I quickly pull back and give her her final swat.
“Twelve!” Her voice cracks this time.
I drop the paddle on the couch in front of her and I rub her ass lightly.
“All done, baby, you did good,” I praise her.
“Thank you, Sir,” she whispers.
I help her stand and turn her into my arms. “I was going to deprive you of your orgasm too; do you think you deserve that after standing almost naked in front of another man’s apartment?”
“No,” she sniffles. “Not when it wasn’t my idea.”
“Baby, you’re a smart girl. You shouldn’t be so easily swayed. Go put your clothes on. You don’t get to cum tonight,” I say in a soft command.
“Then you don’t either,” she huffs and walks away.
“Oh, I’ll cum,” I growl and snatch her up by her arm just before she’s out of reach.
“No you won’t,” she argues.
I start pulling my cock out. I’m already hard from the spanking, so I stroke a few times before I push her down onto her knees.
“You’re going to make me cum, Sookie. If you use any teeth I’ll get something much stronger than a paddle,” I tell her, “Now suck.”
“No.” She turns her head and folds her arms over her chest.
I grab her head by her hair, turn it do she’s face to… she’s facing my cock. I start drawing a line around her lips, leaving a trail of pre-cum.
“Open,” I whisper.
“No,” she says firmly and jerks her head away.
I’m having a really hard time with this, but I know she’s egging me on on purpose.
I growl and yank her head back. I don’t ask or tell, this time I do. I shove my cock into her mouth. I go deep and I hold.
Sookie gags and shoves at me to get away. I don’t know if I should stop. I look down at her with a look that conveys my dilemma waiting for a sign.
I get it when she bites me.
“Motherfucker!” I shout and pull away from her.
“No means no, Eric!” Sookie yells and scrambles to her feet.
I grab her before she can get away and wrap her up. “I’m sorry,” I apologize. “I didn’t know we weren’t… I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
“I think you should go,” she says.
I tuck my cock away and zip up.
“I’m really sorry. You know I would never…” I try, but I can see how pissed she is. I grab my keys and leave to go home.
Fuck. I probably just ruined this. I don’t want to upset her more. I takes everything I have not to go back and tell her what a shit I am for that. Instead I flop on my couch and try to think of ways to apologize.
I don’t hear from Sookie all night, not that I really expected it after my shittastic move. I get up a little earlier than normal to get ready for work. I make an extra coffee and I run to get Sookie a bagel. I show up on her doorstep around the time she should be getting up. I see the light on through the window so I take a deep breath and I knock.
It takes a minute for her to come to the door. Her hair is piled up on her head and she’s got a big sweater wrapped around her.
“Can I help you?” she asks coldly.
“I’m sorry,” I repeat. I don’t know what else to say right now.
“Is that it?”
I take a deep breath and hold out her bagel and coffee before saying, “I fucked up. I read everything wrong. I should’ve known better, but I was an idiot and an asshole. That’s not how you deserve to be treated and I don’t expect you to just give it up anytime I tell you to… I’m… I’m sorry.”
“Just… I like you a lot and I’m scared I ruined everything. I know I don’t deserve to get off easily, but I’m begging you not to leave me. I can’t put into words how dumb I feel.”
Sookie nods but doesn’t take the coffee or the bagel.
“I’ll be working from home for the rest of the week. I’ll let you know what I decide,” she says and then closes the door. The bolt flips over immediately.
I can’t believe I was such an idiot.
I sigh and take the coffee and bagel home. I pour the coffee out and leave the bagel on the counter. I send her a text message to let her know it’s there and I’m not home if she wants it. As expected I don’t get a reply.
When I get to work I drag ass turning on my computer. It’s not so much losing Sookie that bugs me, I mean of course that bothers me, but that’s not the guy I am. I seriously thought it was still part of the role-play. If Sookie does stay with me, and I hope she does, we need to set some guidelines if she still wants that from me. That’s something we should’ve done from the get go and didn’t.
Me: I’m sorry if I’m bugging you, but it’s bothering me… What happened last night.
I shoot off the text message, but I don’t expect a response. We both know I’m not cut out for this and last night is proof. Apparently I don’t know how to tell the difference.
Sookie doesn’t reply. Not that I expected her to.
I’m at my wits end so I buck up and call the one person I can talk to about this. Pam, my ex-girlfriend.
“Ravenscroft,” she answers.
“I’m having woman problems,” I sigh.
“Story of your life,” she snickers.
“Not now, Pam.” I was iffy about calling her because she’s a callous twat, but she gives good advice.
“It was just an observation. So what seems to be the problem this time?”
“I think I got a little rapey with my girlfriend last night and at the time I thought we were just role-playing, but she got really pissed and when I realized what went wrong I apologized and I haven’t talked to her and I’ve been freaking out ever since.”
“What do you mean by ‘a little rapey’?” Pam asks.
“I mean after a punishment she got a little sassy again and so I told her no orgasms. She said that meant I didn’t get one either and I said like hell and then things went all bad… Alllll bad. She likes it rough and she likes when I tell her what to do so when I told her to suck my dick and she said no I didn’t think she meant it…”
“That’s… I didn’t know you were into that.”
“Eh, I am,” I say nonchalantly. “What do I do about last night?”
“If you apologized already just wait it out and see what happens. I know you like quick fixes but I assume you forced yourself on this girl once already so definitely don’t do that again,” Pam advises.
I sigh and drop my head back.
“I’m worried. I know she likes being dominated, but after last night I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that and she’s already told me she might not be in a vanilla relationship.”
“You can’t be something you’re not, Eric. True colors always come out eventually,” she says.
“She knows about all of my quirks. I just want to know what’s going to happen. I know she’s the only one that can answer that, but I needed to talk this out.”
“Maybe this is a sign that she’s not the right girl for you,” Pam suggests.
“As much as I hate to admit it, you might be right. I’ll talk to her when she’s speaking to me again.”
“Thanks. I should get back to work. Or go home, I’ve been useless today.”
“We can meet for lunch if you want.”
“Nah, I’m just going to go home and take a nap. I slept like shit last night,” I tell her. I’m already composing my email to Russell.
“Okay. Well good luck. Call me if you need to,” Pam says. “And Eric, I know you’re not that guy.”
“Thanks, Pam. I’ll be in touch.”
I hang up with Pam and turn off my computer so I can go home. She’s right. I just need to wait it out and hope Sookie and I can come to some sort of understanding.
I believe that Eric thought we were still playing yesterday. Maybe I should have been clearer with him. I don’t know. What I do know is that as much as he might like playing along at this with me, he’s just not cut out for it. I don’t know what to do.
So I do the only thing that makes sense. I call my best friend. She’s met Eric so she knows what kind of guy he is, but she also knows me.
“I have a serious problem,” I say when she picks up.
“Uh, you’re not pregnant are you? ‘Cause if you are it’s too soon to be McCreamy’s.”
“No, not pregnant,” I sigh. “That’s a problem I could solve on my own.”
“Alright, lay it on me,” she says.
“Yesterday Eric got a little confused on the no means no concept after some rough play and he forced his junk in my mouth… so I bit him,” I explain.
She gasps and asks seriously, “Did he punch you?”
“No offense, I would have. But what happened after you bit him?”
“I pulled away from him and told him to leave. He apologized but still…”
“That’s a tough one. Did he seem sincere? You know him a lot better than I do, and you’re good at judging people.”
“He was sincere. He’s just… he’s doing this stuff for me and I’m worried that either this could happen again or that he’ll be afraid to come near me,” I tell her.
She sighs and asks, “Did you guys discuss this at all other than the initial flirting and cybersex? It’s one thing for both of you to go into this with a good understanding of what each other are looking for. It’s something completely different if you just say hey, yeah, let’s have kinky sex and he doesn’t know your boundaries, or you don’t know if he’s even comfortable doing that.”
“We should have talked about it more, but I said no. I said it more than once and he kept going,” I tell her.
“That’s a tough one to work out, Sook. That’s why you guys need a safe word. Otherwise in the middle of things you might just be saying it to be defiant, but you really want it, you know?”
“But we weren’t in the middle of things. I was walking away and he pulled me back and pushed me down on my knees, Thal.”
“In a different situation would you find that hot? Hasn’t he been forceful with you before and you loved it? It’s a double edged sword, Sook. I get that you were done, but sometimes… I just don’t know,” she sighs.
“So you’re saying this is my fault?” I ask her just to be sure I’m hearing her right because I can’t possibly be.
“No, it’s not your fault… I’m not blaming him either. From what you’re describing it’s a really shitty miscommunication that should’ve never happened in the first place.”
“So what would you do if you were me? Would you stay with a guy that forced himself in you, even if it was because of shitty communication?” I’m not at all sure what I’m going to do.
“It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind. However if it were me I’d talk to him. At the same time I don’t know if you two are meant for each other. You like things he’s not comfortable with, and if you can’t live without some of those things it’s time to cut bait,” she tells me.
“Yeah,” I sigh. “You’re right. It’s too bad.”
“You’re going to break my heart when you break up with him, ya know?”
“Then work things out, Sookie. There’s no reason to be sad when you guys can figure it out.”
“Except there are things that aren’t easy to compromise on. I’ve done it before and it doesn’t last,” I remind her. “Maybe it’s better to get out now before I get too attached.”
“Right. Just remember you can’t do this forever. You need someone that can be your friend as well as your lover. In the end… Never mind. You know what you’re doing.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow, Thal,” I sigh.
“Thanks.” We hang up and I set my phone off to the side. It’s a little too early so I’ll wait until it’s closer to the time Eric should be home and then I’ll go over to his place and do what I have to do.
Six hours later I knock on Eric’s door and wait.
It takes a few minutes, but he comes stumbling to the door. When he opens it, it’s obvious he’s half asleep.
“Hi,” I say. I keep my distance from him. Already I feel the wall has gone back up.
“Come in,” he says and takes a step back.
I go inside just so the neighbors don’t hear our business. Eric closes the door behind me.
“Want something to drink?” he offers.
“No, thanks. I doubt you’re going to want me to stay,” I say quietly.
“You know I didn’t mean to… I would never do that,” he tells me.
“I know,” I nod and meet his eyes. “But you did. Maybe it was miscommunication and maybe it’s partially my fault for trying to make you something you’re not. Whatever the reason, it happened and I can’t just pretend it didn’t happen.”
He nods. “You and I both know I’m not the guy you wanted me to be. I tried, but apparently I fuck everything up. I’m too nice, I’m too forceful. This isn’t easy, and I take responsibility for what I did. It was a dick move, I’m sorry. I… what I’m trying to say is this isn’t going to work if we can’t figure that part of us out. I like you a lot, Sookie. More than any girl I’ve dated, but I can’t be what you want me to be.”
“I know,” I nod. “I like you a lot too but I know me. I know I’ll feel like something is missing and that’s not fair. Maybe it’s selfish but it’s realistic. I don’t want to waste your time or mine, and I don’t want to try to be something I’m not because we’ll just end up right back here.”
“I get it, I expected this,” he tells me. “Part of me knew this was a bad idea to start with.”
I suck in a breath at that. I had those feelings but he was so sure we could get past that. Apparently we can’t.
“We just don’t mesh that way,” I say quietly. I’m sad it’s not going to work out, but it’s better to end it now before it gets any messier.
He reaches out to tentatively take my hand. “We don’t, and it’s not fair,” he whispers. “I like to think that we had a lot of potential.”
“We did,” I agree. I squeeze his hand and then pull away. “I should go. I’m sorry it didn’t work.”
“Me too. Take care, Sookie.” He opens the front door for me and holds it open.
“You too.” I pause on my way out to kiss his cheek and then I go.
I hear the door close behind me and I walk back to my apartment. I pull my phone out and text Thal.
Me: I broke up with him.
That pretty much sums it up. Just as I’m getting back to my apartment I get another text, but it’s from my brother. My niece has arrived. She’s got big blue eyes and she only weighs a little more than six pounds, but she’s beautiful. I go inside and change clothes so I can go to the hospital to see my brother and meet baby Haley.
When I go to grab a bottle of water from the fridge my eyes land on a picture of Eric and me that was taken at the company’s monthly meeting last week. Russell likes to take Polaroids for a collage he puts together at the end of each year. I take the picture off the fridge and stare at it for a minute.
We did have tons of potential to be something great. My eyes water and I take the picture to my room to tuck it away in my closet. I take a deep breath, grab my favorite sweater and head out to the hospital to meet my new niece.