Chapter 31


Monday morning comes way too soon. My parents’ visit was nice and I’m happy they like Eric and his parents. I was sad to take them to the airport, but they agreed to come here for Thanksgiving, so I’ll get to see them again soon.

I’m in the process of rinsing conditioner from my hair when a shock of cold water hits my chest. I scream and nearly fall on my ass.

“Eric!” I screech when I see his stupid, blond head hauling ass toward the door.

“Mornin’, Princess!” he cackles as he runs out of the bathroom.

“Laugh while you can, Pretty Boy!” I holler back.

It is so on.

I finish up my shower and get out to towel off. Eric’s still giggling when I walk into the bedroom.

“If that’s the best you’ve got, you’re going to rue the day you declared war,” I warn him. Cold water in the shower is amateur hour.

“That’s just a small dose, Babycakes. It’s early on a Monday. I didn’t want to ruin your day.” He still has a stupid grin spread across his face.

We’ll see if he’s laughing later.

I get dressed and pour myself a cup of coffee. Before I leave I kiss my dozing boyfriend goodbye. On my way out of the house I grab his beloved beanbag chair. We’ll see just how sneaky he is.

I stuff this gross chair in my trunk and take it with me to work. When I get to the office I drag the chair in with me and take it to one of the studios along with a newspaper and a Polaroid camera. I prop the newspaper up on the chair and then take a picture of it.

From there I go to my desk and type up a ransom note. I then put the picture and the note in an envelope and call our courier service to deliver the envelope to the house. Eric is going to shit when he sees this, but it’s worth it.

I put a rush on the delivery and then get to work while I wait for his phone call.

♦ ♦ ♦

An hour and a half later I’m getting a bagel from the roach coach parked outside when my phone rings. It’s Eric calling and I force myself to act normal when I answer the call.

“Hi, Babe, what’s up?” I ask.

“I’m going to kill you, woman. Bring my chair back to me right this instant,” he growls into the phone.

“Get my ransom and it’s all yours,” I tell him. I demanded 500 ketchup packets, 35 pink paper clips, 7 glow in the dark spider rings and 2 bottles of OPI nail polish in the colors of Lincoln Park After Dark and I’m India Mood For Love.

“I can’t believe you’d do something like this to an innocent beanbag. You’re cold-hearted, Stackhouse. I’ll get your ransom,” he says in an evil tone.

“You better. In twenty-four hours I start cutting if I don’t,” I tell him.

“I would never forgive you. Never!”

“You wanted war,” I remind him.

“Mmhmm,” he grumbles and I hear the click of him hanging up the phone. I’m sure he’s on his way to gather the ransom.

I wish I had a picture of his face when he opened the envelope, but I’m sure I’ll get an earful from him when I get home.

The rest of the day goes by pretty quickly for a Monday and when I get home, Eric is in the kitchen.

“Honey, I’m home!” I call out and kick off my heels.

“You better have my chair!” he yells back.

“I don’t have my ransom,” I say as I walk into the kitchen.

“Oh yeah?” he says, arching an eyebrow. Every item I asked for is lined up on the island. “Where the fuck is my chair?”

“Blindfolded in my trunk,” I snort.

“Get him, and be nice about it. He’s a good chair,” he says, completely serious.

“Get him yourself,” I retort and move to the island to start counting.

“Nuh uh, you have to bring him back to me, or else you’re cut off.”

“Cut off from what?” I laugh.

“Something. I don’t know yet. It just sounded good,” he says and I can see the smile he’s trying to hide.

I laugh louder and shake my head. He got everything on the list so he follows me to the garage and gasps when he sees his ugly ass chair stuffed into my trunk.

“Oh, there’s my boy,” he coos and pulls it out of the trunk to hug it. “I’ve missed you so much. Don’t worry, baby, Mommy will never scare you like that again.”

“I’m not that thing’s mommy,” I cringe.

“Sookie, shhh, he can hear you,” Eric scolds me.

I lean toward the chair and whisper, “You should be abandoned at the nearest junkyard.”

Eric sucks in a ragged breath as a look of horror crosses his handsome face.

“Don’t you dare.”

“I’m just saying,” I shrug and close the trunk. “I’ll leave you two alone and go change clothes.”

“We’ll see you in the living room.”

I turn to go inside with Eric following behind me. He’s whispering to his chair and I don’t know if I should be laughing or rolling my eyes. In the bedroom I strip down and grab a pair of my sweatshorts from the dresser… only to find there’s a ‘property of Eric Northman’ patch ironed onto the seat.

And it’s not just those shorts.

It’s every single pair of pants, shorts, jeans or panties I own.

I’ll murder him!

“Eric!” I yell and he starts his cackling. “You’re dead meat, Northman!”

“Why’s that, pudding pop?” he grins when he walks into the room and leans against the door jamb.

“I hope these clothes fit your chair because I’m not wearing them,” I tell him and whip the shorts at his head. Revenge is already brewing in my mind as I put my work pants back on.

“Aww, you won’t let me claim you as my own, Honeysuckle?”

“Not at work, assface,” I glare at him. As I storm out of the bedroom I add, “I’ll be back. I have to go buy new work clothes.”

“Calm your tits, Sook, I held onto… no, I got ’em all,” he grins.

I give him the finger as I walk down the hall and I slam the door behind me when I get to the garage. For the first two miles I’m still pissed. I just wanted to go home and relax, but no. Now I have to go shopping and I hate clothes shopping. But then I get a great idea and suddenly my Monday is looking much brighter.

♦ ♦ ♦

The next morning Eric has a meeting in preparation for the new school year so while he’s in the shower I put my plan into effect. I grab the container of topical heating cream I have hidden in my trunk and go to work on his boxer briefs so any pair he grabs will give him roasting chestnuts pretty much immediately.

I put on a tight black dress and my fuck me shoes. When Eric gets out of the shower I’m in the bathroom doing my makeup already. Right now I’m not speaking to him. The chair prank was annoying but harmless. But ruining my clothes? Ugh. So no, I’m not speaking to him. Not until he runs into the bathroom screaming in a few minutes.

“What the fuck did you do?” he yells, throwing his boxers at me.

“What are you talking about, sweetheart?”

“This is fucking ridiculous, Sookie. First you put me on the goddamn toilet all night and now you’re fucking with my nuts. You’re going too fucking far. Physical pain is not a prank. It’s fucking evil,” he yells and stomps out of the bathroom. It’s safe to say he’s not talking to me at the moment.

“Anytime you want to call this off, just say so!” I yell after him. He wanted to keep this going.

He doesn’t reply. I finish getting ready for work but we don’t say goodbye to each other like we do most mornings. It’s safe to say I’m in a foul mood for the day and we’re still not speaking when I get home that night. I go straight back to the bedroom and stay there, only coming out to grab some yogurt and fruit for dinner. I have nothing nice to say to him and I’m sure he has nothing nice to say to me either.

By the time I’m ready to go to bed, Eric’s still in the living room playing video games. It turns out that being mad at him means that I don’t sleep well. I toss and turn and have fucked up dreams. My alarm goes off way too early and I stumble into the bathroom without turning the light on. I get the shower started and go pee while I wait for the water to warm up.

Once I see steam, I flush the toilet and peel off my clothes. I finally turn on the light and that’s when I see Eric’s latest prank.

He cut my hair while I was sleeping.

I stare in disbelief at the uneven layers I now have and my first instinct is to go into the bedroom and punch him. Instead I take a series of deep breaths and try to blink back my angry tears. It takes me a minute to calm down. I’m going to have to get a real haircut before I can go into work.

I shower and then get dressed as quietly as I can. I’m not going to scream at him or even wake him up. Before I leave the house I pack an overnight bag and take my phone charger with me. I really have nothing nice to say to him right now and I don’t see that changing for at least a day or two.

When I leave the house, I make sure I slam the door.


Sookie went way too far with the icy hot. The laxatives were bad enough, and she just compounded it with the icy hot. So I decided to give her a taste of her own medicine. I love her hair, but hopefully this will make her stop her idiocy. I only cut it to her ear so she can still have it styled without buzzing it.

I wake up when she slams the door. Good. I’m glad she’s mad. Maybe she’ll take a look at what she considers a prank now.

I roll out of bed a few minutes after she leaves and take a quick shower. I go into the kitchen and make my breakfast.  I don’t hear from her mid-morning like I’m used to. It’s not that big of a shocker though.

I sit down at the table and go through some of my plans for the coming school year. I’m tempted to text her to see how her new hair is going, but I decide better safe than sorry. Instead I go to the store and do what I call my housewife duties. I go to Target to get the household items we need. I’m picky about laundry soap, so even though Sookie does the laundry, I buy the soap. I head over to the grocery store to buy food for the house and on the way home I stop at the hardware store to buy some Goo Gone.

By the time I get home Sookie should already be here. She’s not. Okay. Maybe she figured out something to do with her hair that would hide the new cut and she’s at the salon now. I still don’t call. She’ll be home soon enough and we can put this all behind us.

I go into the bedroom and take all of her pants and the shorts she wears out of the house to the room. I grab the Goo Gone, and some paper towels and I get to work removing the ‘Property of Eric Northman’ patches. Let me juat say, taking them off takes a lot longer than ironing them on.

I start to worry around nine when I still haven’t heard from her. I don’t like this. I check my phone to see if I missed a call or a text. Nothing.

I call her.

Her phone just rings and rings until voicemail picks up.

“Sookie, I’m worried. Call me and let me know you’re okay,” I say and I hang up. She can’t be pissed enough to not come home, can she?

Twenty minutes go by and I don’t hear back so I call again. Still no answer. This time I don’t leave a message, I just hang up. I’m nervous. This isn’t like her to not come home, or call if she’s going to be late.

I’m about to call for a third time when a text comes in.

Vajizzle: Please stop calling me. I’m not coming home.

I don’t respond. If she wants to be mad, she has every right. I just hope she comes home tomorrow.

Around midnight I finally go lay down, but I can’t sleep. I don’t feel right without her in the house. I can suddenly hear every noise the house makes while it’s settling. The sprinklers come on and they’re the loudest noise in the world. People keep driving past. The bedroom is in the back of the house, but I manage to hear every little sound being made out front.


I want to call her. I want my girl home. I don’t care for this one bit. This is the first real fight we’ve been in, and I can really do without it.

Eventually I fall asleep around four a.m. that doesn’t last though. I’m up and out of bed by six-thirty. I immediately check my phone and nothing. I follow the same routine and end up just sitting and waiting. If she decides to ‘prank’ me again she can have it. I’m done. I didn’t leave when she caused physical harm, I think she’s overreacting by not coming home, but I’ll crown her winner if she does anything else. I don’t care. I need my honeysuckle home.

♦ ♦ ♦

Sookie walks in the door after work on day two of the freeze out. Her hair is adorable, but I don’t say anything about it. She just looks at me on the couch and starts to walk past with a scowl on her face.

“I removed the patches,” I say without looking at her.

She doesn’t reply. She just walks back to the bedroom and slams the door.

If she’s going to continue to be mad I don’t know why she came home. I get up from the couch and follow her into the bedroom. She’s being childish now.

“So, you cause me physical harm and you think that’s funny, but I cut your hair, not even bad by the way, which also doesn’t hurt or cause a serious rash and you take off for two days and then give me the silent treatment when you get home?” I ask and lean against the door.

“You didn’t talk to Alcide for six months after he cut your hair so I don’t want to hear it,” she says angrily. “You could have called a truce after the chair but you didn’t. Don’t put all this on me like I’ve just been picking on you relentlessly.”

“I’m not. I just think you’re overreacting. But next time we decide to do something like this I’ll just icy hot your twat so you can see how you like it. If you shave my head I sure as hell won’t take off and ignore you for two days.”

“There won’t be a next time and I wouldn’t do that because I… nevermind.” Sookie opens the closet and starts pulling clothes out.

“Don’t nevermind me, Sookie. Nothing gets resolved if you shut me down,” I tell her, bravely stepping closer to her.

“I wouldn’t do that because I know it would bother you. The chair was stupid and harmless and then I came home to find half of my clothes ruined. You upped the ante so I did. You took it a step further by cutting my hair. Fine. I guess that makes us even. Now I just really don’t want to be near you,” she says, and by the time she’s done she’s crying. “So please just let me get what I came here for so I can go.”

“No.” I walk up and wrap her in my arms. She tries to pull away, but I won’t let her go. “Sookie… first off, your hair looks gorgeous. Second, your clothes aren’t ruined, and third, you aren’t going anywhere. I love you, and we did some things we shouldn’t have. Fine. We suck at trying to prank each other. I’m not staying in this house one more night without you though. You don’t have to look at me or talk to me, but I can’t deal with you leaving me.”

It takes a minute but she drops whatever it is she has in her hands and hugs me back while she cries. I hold her tighter and kiss the top of her head.

“For what it’s worth, I think you look beautiful and it shows off your gorgeous neck,” I whisper.

“Don’t,” she sniffles. “I look like shit. I haven’t slept in days and I haven’t eaten anything since the night you cut my hair.”

I stroke her head and tell her, “I haven’t slept either and I’ve eaten enough for both of us and then some. And I will tell you you’re beautiful, because to me you’d be beautiful if you didn’t sleep for a month and you shaved your head.”

“You remember what I looked like when we met,” she sniffles. “That’s close enough.”

“And I thought you were pretty enough to make sure you called me, didn’t I?”

“Maybe you were just drunk enough.”

“Nope. I was proven right when I saw your cute little hungover butt the next morning,” I say and kiss her head again.

Sookie lets go of me and takes a step back. Her makeup is destroyed and I can see how tired she is.

“I’m gonna go get my bag from the car,” she says quietly and turns for the door. She pauses and looks over her shoulder when she says, “I’m sorry I hurt you, Eric.”

“Thank you… I’ve lived through worse. I’m not sorry about your hair, because I love it. I loved it before, but now… you take my breath away, Sookie.”

She nods and then goes to the garage to get her stuff from her car. While she’s gone I go into the bathroom and start to run her a hot bath. I want to make sure she relaxes so she can sleep good tonight.

“I started a bath for you,” I tell her when she comes back in. “Do you want something to eat?”

“Thanks,” Sookie says quietly. “I’m not hungry, but thank you.”

“Okay. Do you want to be alone?” I’ll give her whatever space she needs as long as I know she’s safe.

She steals one of my moves when she shakes her head no but says, “Yes.”

“Go get in the tub. I’ll be in to wash your back,” I smile softly at her.

“Okay.” Sookie nods and starts to get undressed. She strips down and then goes to the bathroom. There are still little bruises on her hips from a few days ago.

I find a pair or her sleep shorts that still have a patch on them. I take one of my shirts out of the dresser and I go into the bathroom. The lights are on a dimmer so I turn them down so they aren’t so harsh. Sookie is leaning back covered in bubbles. I take a seat on the floor next to the tub and reach up to hold her hand.

We sit in silence for a few minutes before I ask, “You want me to wash your back now?”

“Not yet.”

“Do you want me to get in there with you?” It’s a tight fit, but it works.

“It’s not very comfortable with both of us in here.”

I don’t say anything. I lean back against the wall. Just being close to her already feels better. I get up a few minutes later and go to the room to fix the bed. I haven’t made it in two days. I feel like I’m smothering her being in the bathroom right now. It’s where I want to be, but I feel like she doesn’t want me there.

I hear some water splashing around and then the sound of the tub draining. Sookie emerges from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her and her face scrubbed of all the makeup she was wearing to coverup how tired she looks.

“I got some pajamas out for you.” I point to the clothes I picked out for her. They’re lying on the end of the bed.

“Thanks.” Sookie finishes drying off and then she gets dressed in the clothes I picked. She takes her towel back to the bathroom and then she leaves the bedroom in favor of the kitchen.

“Sit, I’ll make you whatever you want. It’s the least I can do…” I offer as I follow her.

“I just want chocolate,” she says, and goes to the cabinet with the candy in it.

Oh. I should’ve known.

“Okay. I’ll be in bed when you’re ready for a snuggle.”

I turn and leave her alone with her chocolate. Go to the bedroom and change into a pair of basketball shorts. I haven’t touched my boxers since the ‘incident’. I lie down in bed and wait for Sookie. I need to be snuggled just as much as she does, if not more.

Almost an hour passes before Sookie comes back to the bedroom, but when she does she climbs up on the bed to straddle me and lie on my chest. I feel her breath on my neck and she says, “I missed you, babe.”

“I missed you too, Honeysuckle,” I whisper and wrap my arms around her.

Her lips press against my neck and slowly move toward my ear one lingering kiss at a time. As she kisses me my hands move gently up and down her back. I don’t know where she’s going with this, but I don’t want to press my luck so I leave it at rubbing her back.

After a few minutes she sucks lightly on my earlobe and whispers, “Will you please just kiss me already?”

I hold her face in my hands and turn my head slightly. I pull her face down to mine and press my lips against hers. After a few moments I lick the seam of her lips, hoping she’ll grant me entrance. Her lips part and her tongue brushes against mine with a soft moan.

My body automatically responds and my hips flex up to rub against her. One hand goes to the back of her hair and the other slides down to caress her ass as we kiss. Her hips start to rock back and forth, and she starts to pull her shirt off. I barely see it go flying before her lips are on mine again.

I dip my hand into the back of her shorts and I go straight for her slit. She moans louder into the kiss as I start rubbing her opening. I don’t care if we have sex, I just want to give her whatever she needs. The soft moaning tells me she likes what I’m giving her right now.

Her mouth moves along my jaw and between kisses she says, “I love you so much, Eric.” Her hips grind against me over and over.

“Mmm, I love you too, Sookie,” I reply. I know she likes what we’re doing and if she keeps grinding into me I’m not going to be able to stop myself from flipping her over and fucking her into the mattress. “Tell me what you need, baby doll.”

“Just you,” she breathes. “On me, in me… everywhere…”

“Take these off, Sookie,” I growl and start to push her shorts off.

She tries to wiggle out of them but she has to climb off of me to do it. When she climbs on top of me again I already have my shorts off.

“I’m all yours, Sookie. Take whatever you need,” I tell her and bring her face to mine again. I love kissing her. I love everything about her.

Her hips start moving again so her very wet lower lips are gliding along my shaft, coating it with her juices. I reach down between our bodies and lift my length just enough for her to get my head into her hot, dripping core. I let go and rest my hands on her lower cheeks as she starts to slide down my shaft.

Sookie moans into the kiss and begins to rise and fall slowly, lifting up until just my tip is inside her before she sinks down again. Over and over, up and down.

“Sookie,” I whisper against her lips. “I… God…” I’m so overwhelmed with emotion at the moment I can’t find any words. I hold onto the back of her neck so she has to kiss me as her warm, wet sheath takes me in.

Her tongue battles with mine and every few strokes she rolls her hips before she lifts up again, but she keeps the slow and steady pace. Sookie’s moans get louder and sweeter with every noise that leaves her.

I want to tell her all the dirty things I want to do to her, but I’m getting off on the sounds she’s making.

“You’re going to make me cum for you,” I whisper and I hold her hips so I can start thrusting up hard and deep.

She cries out and after just a few thrusts her walls start to flutter. “Keep going, Eric,” she moans.

“Anything for you,” I tell her and speed up my thrusts so I’m fucking her the way she likes it. Jesus, she’s ridiculously sexy it takes all of seven thrusts before I’m releasing inside her.

Sookie shudders and her pussy begins to pulse and massage my shaft. She whimpers my name and her body goes limp on top of me. I squeeze her tight to my chest and kiss the top of her head.

“I love you,” I tell her again as I hold her.

“I love you too,” she replies. Her hips flex with an aftershock.

We continue to kiss off and on until eventually she starts to drift off to sleep. I’m still inside of her when she dozes off and I don’t want to move her so I simply secure her in my arms and I pass out too.



9 thoughts on “Chapter 31

  1. They both went a bit too far, but I don’t really think Sookie was overreacting, I would be mad as hell if someone cut my hair without my permission.


  2. That beanbag chair would’ve met the incinerator if he had cut my hair! And he would’ve become much more intimately acquainted with his hand…’cause it would be the only action he would be getting for quite some time!


  3. Wow! I’m onboard with it getting way out of hand. She went crazy trying to actually hurt him physically so I don’t blame him on the haircut but still he knew how it felt to have someone cut his hair without permission so that was uncalled for. Running from a problem never solved anything so I’m happy Eric didn’t let her leave. Oh and hurting people is NOT A PRANK. I’m just saying. Good chapter though.


  4. How old are they anyway? They are both acting like children. I agree that physically hurting someone is not a prank. I think what she did was worse in that respect. Yes, I would have been really angry about the hair cut, but I on his side in this. They both need to just grow up.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hmmmmmm. The prank war. Sookie assumed the clothes were ruined, and Eric didn’t let her know he could take it off.
    Other than that, the chair was funny 🙂 The hair, laxatives and Icy Hot were probably too far. Something that causes physical pain or permanent physical change is usually a no go.
    I think the iron-ons were hilarious, but Eric really needed to tell Sookie they were temporary!

    So, guessing the prank war will not be happening again. Or at least, not wirhout some rules laid out!


  6. Wow they really took that too far! I thought the chair thing was pretty funny, but damaging property, physical pain & the hair cut were way over the top. Glad they could find a way to move on from it.


  7. omg!!! that was some prank war!!!….sookie certainly went too far with the physical stuff…..but then again, my husband would be a dead man if he cut my hair!!! (black, waist length)…just glad its over really! x


  8. wth? he upped the anti by cutting her hair? she caused physical harm not just to him but to her parents and she thinks what he did is worse? I’m starting to not like her she’s borderline abusive, She goes too far, holds grudges for things she starts half the time then freezes him out until he backs down to what she wants… physical, emotional and psychological abuse. if this was flipped and he was doing this to her you would all be screaming at her to break up with him. cutting her hair wasnt nice but in no way is that worse than either of the two pranks she pulled that caused physical harm. her hair will grow back, her clothes were not ruined and she lost a lil time and was a bit annoyed does not equal or allow for pysically harming somone let alone someone you claim to love.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s