I can’t believe I just fucked Eric without a condom. I’m on the shot and all, but fuck. The last thing either of us needs is for my birth control to fail. What a fucked up phone call that would be.
“Yeah, hi, Eric, it’s the hooker you’ve been fucking. Your super sperm overrode my birth control. On the bright side, seven is a lucky number, so maybe your wife won’t mind.” Ugh. Nightmare.
I get myself cleaned up and then get back in bed with Eric. I lay with my head on his stomach and have my face turned toward him. His big hand lands on my boob and his thumb strokes the side of it lazily.
“I called home while you were in the bathroom,” he says to me. “I think my wife suspects something is up, but I don’t think she would ever call me out.”
I roll onto my side and say, “You can absolutely tell me to mind my own business, but if you’re so unhappy together why do you stay together?”
“You sound like Alcide,” he chuckles and then looks at me a little more seriously. “I can’t answer that. I don’t know why we’re still together. Maybe it’s the kids, maybe it’s that after twenty plus years we would feel like failures.”
“I think life is too short to spend it being miserable. You deserve to be happy, and so does she.”
“I would still spend every other weekend here. It’s not like I’d go out and try to date. Plus who would want a guy with six kids?”
I shift around so my head is on the same pillow as his. I have a confession to make.
“Okay, I probably shouldn’t say this, but I’m going to anyway. If we met randomly someplace and I wasn’t working here and you weren’t married, but still had the kids, I would totally date you,” I tell him.
He gives me a warm smile and strokes my stray hair back behind my ear. He chuckles a little and tells me, “I would be too shy to talk to you. You’re so young and gorgeous. What would you want with an old man like me?”
I don’t even have to think about it.
“Your kindness, your modesty, your sense of humor, your adorable cluelessness when it comes to shopping for girls, your protective spirit, your warmth, your dedication to the things you love… Oh, and your cock,” I smirk.
“And here I thought you’d say my ass,” he blushes a little. “Thank you, Dixie, that means a lot… but things aren’t so easy.”
“It never is.” I kiss his wrist. “And I would have my hands on your ass every chance I got.”
“You know you can always have your hands on my ass,” he snickers. “You’re good to me. And right now if I ever left my wife it would be for you, but I don’t hear you asking me to, so I’ll stay where I am for now.”
I try not to react to that because I’ve heard that line in the heat of the moment more times than I can count. It’s just the sex talking. But something about the way Eric is looking at me tells me that he’s being completely serious. For just a second I try to picture us having a life together outside of this place, and it’s startling how easily the images come to me.
“It wouldn’t be right for me to ask you to do that, Eric.”
“What’s your name? I know it’s not Dixie,” he asks, looking into my eyes. He has this intensity that makes my toes curl.
“I don’t think I should tell you,” I say softly. There’s something shifting between us; I can feel it.
“Why not? You know everything about me, I just want to know your name.”
“Because part of my job, the biggest part, is to be your fantasy. If you know my name, it’s like the fantasy goes away. I can’t let myself get attached to you,” I explain.
“You know, not a single fantasy is tied to what I call you. The fantasy is in the way you make me feel, and you make me feel things that I’ve never felt before. It’s not all sexual either, this right here, talking like people that care about each other, this is a fantasy. Being able to hold your hand in public, that’s a fantasy. The way you respond when I kiss you, all fantasies, and I don’t think your name has anything to do with any of it.”
“My name is real. It’s a part of the me that has nothing to do with this place. It’s one of the few things that my clients don’t get to have of mine. It’s for my safety as well as yours. It’s just better that I keep it to myself.”
“I can respect that,” he says solemnly. “Do you want to go out anywhere today?” he asks, changing the subject.
“We can if you’d like.”
He sighs and rolls onto his back, resting his arm over his eyes. “Yeah, lets get dressed and go eat.”
“We can do that.” I feel this awkward tension I’ve never felt between us before. Something has definitely shifted.
I’ve broken so many rules with him. I swallowed, I gave him my personal cell number, I fucked him without a condom… hell, I even got a little jealous when he was fucking Jessica yesterday, as hot as it was. What the fuck is wrong with me? Having feelings for a customer is a bad idea.
Falling for him is just asking for trouble, but if I’m being honest with myself I know I feel more for him than I should. I’ve let him get under my skin, and not just because the sex is great. All the things I said to him about what I would want in him are true. Eric is a good man, and my gut tells me that if I did ask him to leave his wife for me so we could really be together, I wouldn’t regret it. He would treat me like a queen and love me tremendously.
But if he’s going to walk away from his marriage it should be for himself and not for me. Besides, would he really be okay with my profession once we were a couple? I don’t think he would be the least bit okay with another man fucking me. Relationships and prostitution don’t mix. And I don’t cheat when I’m committed to someone.
I sit up and say, “You’re right that my name isn’t really Dixie. Maybe someday I’ll tell you what it really is, but for now I just can’t.”
“Fine,” he says, not really snappy, but clearly his mood has changed. “I’m going to shower unless you want to go first.”
“No, go ahead. I can go shower in my room and come back,” I offer.
Maybe a few minutes alone will do him good.
I’m surprised when he kisses my forehead before he gets up to gather his things before heading into the bathroom. “I want Mexican,” is that last thing he says before closing the door and locking it behind him.
Well that sends a clear message. With that I get up, put on my nightie and go back to my room. I shouldn’t be feeling guilty, but I do. I’ve never felt like this with a client before and it’s fucking with my head. Even worse, I don’t like what it’s doing to my heart.
∞ ∞ ∞
An hour later Eric and I are pulling up to a restaurant near the brothel. There’s a horse ranch across the road and there are beautiful white mustangs out in the pen. I love horseback riding. I go every chance I get. I’ve got a pair of black cargo capri pants on with a pair of flip flops and a mint green floral tube top. My hair is pulled back and I don’t have any makeup on.
Eric and I haven’t said much since before we showered, but I need to clear that air.
After we each order a beer, I set aside my menu. I always get the taco salad anyway.
“Eric, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings before,” I say sincerely. “You’re wonderful and I do like you, but with the circumstances we’re in, I think it’s better for both of us if you don’t know too much about me.”
“It’s fine, I just have a lot on my mind,” he says, giving me a weak smile.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really,” he shrugs, closing me off. He’s usually pretty open with me and I don’t know how to feel about this Eric.
Our beers come and after we order our food I put everything I know about him to work to get him to talk to me. It takes a few minutes, but then I have it. It’ll piss him off, but he’ll talk.
“So are you this closed off with your wife, too?” I ask, and dip a tortilla chip into the complimentary salsa.
“Fuck you,” he growls. “You don’t know shit about my marriage.”
“The fuck I don’t. You’ve been trying to not talk about her for six months.”
“I said I don’t feel like talking about it,” he says, trying to shut me down.
“Fine. Shut me out. It’s your money.” I sit back and drink my beer.
He rolls his eyes and sits back, looking anywhere but at me. All of this attitude over my name I find a little ridiculous, but we both know it’s more.
“Yeah, my money and I’m not paying you to be my therapist,” he snaps. “I’m paying you for a good fuck.”
Wow. So that’s how it’s going to be. It also hurts me that he’s treating me like I’m a whore. I’m not going to tolerate him disrespecting me so I set down my beer, get up and leave the table. I can just have someone from the brothel come pick me up. Eric can fuck off.
I walk out of the restaurant and pull my cell phone from my pocket so I can call for a ride.
I can’t let her go. I know I drove her out, but I can’t let her leave her without me. I drop a twenty on the table and follow right behind her. Her back is to me and she’s on the phone when I wrap my arms around her from behind.
“Hang up the phone,” I murmur into her ear.
“Fuck off,” she says coldly and pulls away from me. “I’ll be outside, Pam. Thanks.”
Shit, I don’t want Pam to see us like this. The last thing she needs to see is one of her girls getting into an argument with a client. “Please, I’m sorry, don’t go.” I reach out and wrap my hand around her arm, turning her around to see the sincerity in my eyes. “Call her back and tell her never mind. Please.”
“You don’t get to treat me like that, Eric. I’m not trash and I won’t let anyone treat me like I am, and the fact that you just did… It’s so disappointing.”
“I think I love you,” I blurt out and then I freeze. What the fuck did I just say?
Dixie shakes her head. “No, you don’t. You don’t know me, Eric. You love Dixie, but she’s not real. You love what I do for you and that I’ll do anything you want, anytime you want.”
“No, you’re wrong,” I pause. “You’ve given me way more than Dixie, you’ve given me more than sex and if you tell me I’m wrong, then you’re delusional… call Pam back, tell her never mind. We need to figure this out.”
“There’s nothing to figure out. Even if it’s true that you do love me, I can’t… You’re married and I’m a hooker, Eric! Our lives don’t fit together in the real world. The number one rule of this job is to never fall in love with the customer. You’re a customer.”
“I’ll leave her,” I state matter of fact. I’ve never been more sure of something than I am right now. “I know you don’t need me to take care of you, but I will. Call Pam, stay with me, talk to me,” I plead.
“You have kids, Eric. What happened to it being so complicated? We can talk until we’re blue in the face but it won’t change anything. You still don’t know who I am when I’m not Dixie. I have this whole other life that you don’t know anything about. You don’t know when my birthday is, my favorite color or how I got the scar on my left elbow. You don’t even know my name,” she says, and there are tears welling in her eyes. I’ve never seen her cry before.
I cup her face in my hands, brushing her tears away with my thumbs. “Your favorite color is green and everything else I can learn. You told me two hours ago that you’re fine with kids and all you have to do is tell me what your name is.”
Dixie squeezes her eyes shut and says, “I can’t, Eric. I’m sorry.”
Before I can argue anymore I see Pam’s car pull into the lot next to my rental. I wrap my arms around her and just hold on tightly. “I don’t want to let you go,” I whisper directly into her ear. “Don’t do this to me, please.”
Dixie lifts her head and looks deep into my eyes. Her hands cup my face and she kisses me with more emotion than I’ve ever felt from her. I kiss her back, but she pulls away.
“I’m sorry, Eric,” she says quietly and then walks away from me.
I feel lost right now. In our short six months together she’s flipped my world around.Watching that car drive away I feel like it’s taking away so much more than my weekend girlfriend. I adore that girl; she’s smart and feisty, funny, sexy and she listens, I mean really listens to me. Something Aude has never done. With Dixie walking away, I know I can’t go back to Aude. I’ve changed too much to let Aude suck the life out of me anymore.
I call the airport and change my flight, giving them time to get my things from the room before I get into my car and drive back to The Cathouse. When I pull up Pam meets me outside with my bag.
She hands it over along with an envelope.
“Dixie asked me to refund your money for this weekend,” she says.
“She won’t talk to me at all?” I ask, taking the envelope and setting my bag on the ground.
“I’ve known her for more than five years now. She’s not the kind of person who gets upset easily and right now she’s devastated. I think you would only hurt her more if I let you inside. I’m not banning you from the premises, but I think for today it would be best if you leave,” Pam says as kindly as she can.
“I don’t want this,” I hand the envelope back to Pam, grab my bag and I turn away from her without another word.
I drive to the airport in a daze. I don’t even know how I drove without killing myself. I shoot Alcide a text message letting him know it’s over with Dixie, but I get no response. I should call my wife to let her know I’m on my way home, but I choose not to. I don’t want to think about it until I have to.
I board the flight and the attendants learn really quickly to leave me alone. It’s not their fault, but it’s easier for me this way. I can’t be fake nice to people right now. It’s a short flight and when I get back I take a taxi home. I walk in to find Aude alone in the living room and she looks a little shocked to see me.
“I’m home,” I grumble and sit down in my recliner.
“I see that.” Aude doesn’t seem happy to see me, but that’s nothing new.
I mention it anyway. “Being greeted by my loving wife would be nice,” I say in a snarky tone.
“I guess that means your mistress dumped you,” she says without looking at me. “And don’t bother lying. I can smell her from here.”
Great, this is exactly what I need.
“Where are the kids?” If we’re going to talk about this I don’t want them around.
“The boys are all out with friends and Alyssa is at my parents’ house.”
“How long have you known?” I question. If she already knows then maybe we can figure something out with our lives.
“Two months. I was going over our bills to do the taxes, and I started noticing biweekly charges in Carson City. So I trailed the charges back to the weekend you went out of town for Alcide’s bachelor party. I talked to Maria-Star. You were at a whorehouse,” Aude glares at me.
I let out a deep sigh before I look at her again. “What do you want me to say? You know we’ve been miserable for years, Aude. It’s not like I was here fucking you one day and then running off to screw hookers. We haven’t had sex in almost a year, we don’t talk. Our relationship has been shit longer than I care to admit to.”
“Are you in love with her?”
“Do you want the truth?”
“I think you owe me that much after so many years, don’t you?”
“Yes.” I look her in the eye as I say this and I immediately feel like shit. I know Aude isn’t in love with me, but it crushes her.
“I want you out,” she says in a vacant, but firm tone. “Pack your stuff and leave.”
“I never meant to hurt you.” I remain in my seat and watch as she tries to control her anger.
“That is the biggest load of bull I’ve ever heard! You know the crazy thing is that I could maybe forgive you for the sex because I know we have never been very compatible there,” Aude stands up and starts pacing. “But you love your whore. How many are there, Eric? How many women have you fucked behind my back?”
Aude never curses. Even when we were younger and teenagers talked like that just to be cool. She’s always gotten onto me for cursing, especially in front of the kids. She’s furious with me.
“Just one,” I’m counting Scarlett as a package deal. “I’ve been faithful until recently and I swear it was just one girl.”
“Oh, then I forgive you!” she yells sarcastically.
“I’m not going to try to explain it, and I don’t expect your forgiveness, Aude,” I say, keeping my voice calm.
“You better get one hell of a lawyer,” she says, and then heads for the kitchen.
Well shit. I’ve lost my wife and my… I guess my mistress all in one day.
I go up the stairs to our room and I start to pull my clothes out of the closet, packing them away. Technically this is my house. I pay for everything here, but I’m not home enough to kick her out and keep the kids with me. I don’t know where I’m going to go and I’ll miss the shit out of my kids, especially Alyssa, but ultimately this is for the best. Aude and I will both be happier, I just hate that this is how it happened.