Sookie liked to think she was never late, but that wasn’t true. I had been waiting for her for the last ten minutes outside of the bar we agreed to meet at after work on a Friday night. Of course she had go home and get “bar ready” before she could show up. I had no idea what that meant. So of course I asked my sister Karin, who sent back texted pictures of a Wonderbra and five inch heels.
For some reason I couldn’t see Sookie in those things.
Me: You curing cancer? Hurry up, Gandalf.
I still hadn’t settled on a nickname for her.
Sookie: Hold your horses, Asshole. I’ll be there in 2 minutes. Go get me a Guinness.
Me: Say please.
Sookie: Pretty please with a cherry on top?
I walked into the bar and grinned at the sign noting the impending lip sync battle. Because I was an asshole, I signed Sookie up and then went to get her the requested beer. I got myself a Leinenkugel and took our drinks to a pub table to wait for her.
“This isn’t roofied, is it?” she asked as she walked up a couple minutes later. She was in a flowy shirt with a pair of lace shorts. No heels.
“Nah. I’m guessing you snore like a grizzly bear.”
“I actually don’t snore at all,” she shrugged.
“How do you know if you’re asleep?” I passed her the Guinness.
“My ex is the kinda guy that would’ve let me know,” she told me. “Thanks.”
“Gotcha,” I nodded. “Godric and Preston might come up here too. Godric wants to meet you.”
“Oh yeah? Tell him all about how amazing I am?” she giggled.
“He’s a hobbit too,” I snickered.
“Have you ever considered we’re normal height and you’re freakishly tall?”
“Spoken like a true hobbit,” I smirked. “Blame the vertically inclined for your shortcomings.”
“I guess you do have some advantages,” she said. “I can use you as something to hide under if we have an earthquake.”
“I can get something off a shelf four feet off the ground for you,” I chuckled.
“Dick,” she snorted.
The emcee for the lip sync battle got on stage to announce the first contestant, a redhead with a nice rack who kind of reminded of Jessica Rabbit. She was wearing tight leather shorts and a tube top thing of some sort. Unlike Sookie, Jessica – that was her real name – was wearing the high heels. They made her legs look crazy long. I braced myself for Katy Perry or Taylor Swift, but was pleasantly surprised when she chose Aerosmith’s ‘Love In An Elevator’ instead.
“You ever do this?” I asked Sookie.
“No. I stopped going out in public for a while,” she said before she took a drink of her beer.
“Why?” My eyes flicked over to the stage when I saw red hair flipping.
“Car accident,” she replied. “I was homebound for a while and didn’t really get back into going out again.”
“That’s too bad.” I took a drink of my beer too. She was going to kill me in a minute.
“It is what it is,” she shrugged. “I’m slowly coming back to life.”
“That’s good. Life’s too short to spend it hiding from the world. I’m thinking of driving up to Vegas next Friday,” I told her. It was less than three hours away.
“Sounds fun. I haven’t been yet,” she told me. “We actually had plans to drive up the week after the accident, but that kinda fucked everything up.”
“Yeah, that’s a good reason not to go,” I agreed. “I’ve been there a few times. My sister Pam lives there.”
“I couldn’t imagine it,” Sookie said. “But then, I only know what I know about Vegas from CSI, so…”
“My sister’s in an open marriage with a brothel owner, but she lives in Las Vegas… with her girlfriend.” Pam had an interesting life.
“Sounds… interesting,” she chuckled.
“Pam is… I don’t really have words for her sometimes,” I admitted. “But she’s a good sister and she’s offering me her guesthouse for the weekend, so I’m not turning it down. You wanna go?”
“To Vegas with you?” She looked surprised for some reason.
“No, to the Louvre with Wolfgang Puck,” I laughed. “Yes, Vegas with me. I snore, so if that’s a deal breaker–”
She smacked my arm and asked, “Am I sleeping in bed with you or do you snore so loud I can hear it two houses away?”
“I’ll take the couch,” I shrugged. That fucker was comfy.
“I can deal with a snorer then,” she smiled. “I can also get earplugs if it’s too much.”
“I don’t think it’s that bad. Then again, I refused to wear those breathing strips my ex kept giving me.” I had zero regrets given the way she dumped me. Bitch.
“Maybe she’s an ex for a reason,” Sookie shrugged and took a drink of her beer. “I used to just wear earplugs with mine. I also tuned him out anytime he talked too so…”
“Mine broke up with me via Rascal Flatts.”
“Mine picked up a hooker when my body wasn’t in good condition for sex,” she countered. “I’d take Rascal Flatts over that.”
“What the fuck is wrong with people?”
On that note the emcee called Sookie’s name.
“What the fuck is my name being called for?” she asked with narrowed eyes.
“I might have put it on the list…” I liked Sookie a lot. She was a cool chick who had a pretty good sense of humor. That said, she also made comments about herself that let me know she was insecure about her body and the aftermath of the accident she was in. She was never going to get it back if she kept hiding. Whether she knew it or not, I was doing her a favor by giving her a push.
“Now you know why I call you asshole,” she muttered. “Did you pick a song?”
“No, I figured you could pick your own,” I grinned.
“Sookie Stackhouse! Is there a Sookie in the house?” the emcee called.
“Right here!” I pointed her out. The spotlight hit her at the same time she kicked my shin.
“You’re a dickface,” she growled. Not intimidating. At. All.
Sookie got up from the table. Her face was beet red as she made her way to the stage. She talked to the emcee for a moment before she took the microphone. You’re No Good by Linda Ronstadt. Her glare was directed right at me. The song started to play and when the words started Sookie began to move around the stage. The dancing that went along with it wasn’t the standard flip your hair, wiggle your body girl trying to be sexy dance. It was… good. She wasn’t trying to be sexy. The guy in the front with his tongue lolling out at her thought she was sexy, though.
I couldn’t tell if Sookie noticed him or not, that is until the song was over. I gave her a standing ovation and whistled loudly, while Drooly McGee stopped her as she got off the stage. He said something to her that made Sookie blush before she came to the table.
“You have a fan,” I said.
“I do,” she blushed. “I’m not sure if he’s just drunk or not, though,” she chuckled. “You’re still a dick and you’ll be going up there too.”
“I’m used to performing in front of millions,” I shrugged. “And before your smart ass asks, it’s not gay porn.”
“Uh huh. You are awfully pretty. I’m not so sure.”
“I am. The only dick I like is mine,” I chuckled.
“Mmhmm,” she hummed. She took another drink of her beer. “So where are your friends?”
“On their way,” I shrugged. “Did you pick my song?”
“Maybe,” she shrugged.
“Good thing one of us can roll with the punches.”
“I just lip sync’d a song I didn’t intend on performing. I’d say I’m rolling with the punches just fine,” she said.
I spotted Godric walking into the bar and raised my hand to wave at him. He nodded to let me know he spotted me. I didn’t need to tell him what I was drinking. He headed for the bar and would most likely show up with a round of 99 Bananas shots because he had shitty taste in liquor. A friend would warn Sookie. A good friend would brace himself for the laughter as a result of the horror she was about to face.
I was an asshole, at least according to Sookie.
“Is that your friend?” Sookie asked.
“Yep, that’s my roommate,” I told her.
“So he knows what a big asshole you are too?” she asked with a small teasing smirk.
“We were roommates in college, too, so yeah.”
“He has my sympathy.” She reached over to pat my arm. Yet she was willingly hanging out with me.
“Says the girl who agreed to go to Vegas with me,” I snorted.
“Shit, I knew there was a flaw in the plan,” she laughed.
“I am part of the package,” I sighed.
Godric approached with a round of shots and some kind of draft beer.
“What swill are you drinking?” I asked him.
“They’re oatmeal cookie shots and Bud Light. It’s not swill,” he replied as he set the drinks on the table. Godric turned to Sookie and smiled, “You must be Sookie. Eric forgot to mention how pretty you are. I’m Godric.” He held his hand out, reaching for hers.
When she took his hand she had an epic blush on her face.
“He didn’t mention you were such a charmer either,” she replied as he kissed the back of her hand.
“He’s not,” I snickered.
“Coulda fooled me,” Sookie shrugged. She took her hand back and held onto her beer.
“What kind of trouble have you two gotten into so far?” Godric passed the shots around.
“Sookie wowed the house with a rendition an old Linda Ronstadt song,” I said.
“No kidding?” Godric grinned. “I’m sorry I missed that.”
“Eric should be called up pretty soon,” she told him, “My performance was nothing special.”
“Drooly McGee didn’t think so,” I reminded her. “You were pretty good.”
“Maybe we can get her up there for an encore later,” Godric chuckled.
“Definitely,” I agreed.
“I don’t think anyone wants to see all this again,” she said, waving her hand in front of her body.
“I do!” Godric and I said simultaneously.
“Come on… Godric missed your performance.” We gave her sad puppy faces.
“Are you two kidding me right now?” she laughed. “Suck that lip in, Northman.” She reached over to poke my bottom lip up. “We’ll see about it. No promises. Depends on how many more shots I have.” She grabbed the one Godric brought over and slammed it back.
“Waitress!” He and I yelled, making Sookie cough out a laugh.
“You guys are too much,” she snorted. Her cheeks were starting to get pink, most likely from the Guinness and all the liquor in the shot.
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to watch a pretty girl put on a show,” Godric flirted.
“Your girlfriend might disagree,” I smirked.
“The one I broke up with this morning?”
“Shut up.” No way he broke up with her and she just let him go. I wouldn’t be surprised if we got home to find the house egged.
“Yeah, she brought up moving in and I reminded her it’s never going to happen. There was a lot of name calling and comments about me wasting her time,” he shrugged. “She’ll probably call tomorrow to try to make up with me. It’s not happening though.”
“About time.” Seriously, it was way past time for them to call it quits.
Before he could respond my name was called to go up to the stage.
I took my shot and then stood up.
“You two are in for a treat,” I grinned and headed for the stage. Sookie was in for quite the show.