I end up picking up a shower curtain with red, orange and gold stripes on one side and swirls on the other so I can turn it around when I get tired of looking at one side or the other. I’m not trying to turn this into the Estrogen Palace, but I’m a girl. I like pretty things sometimes and since Eric teaches first graders, he’s not that bad ass. It’s just an adjustment for both of us.
I still hate that stupid beanbag chair though.
I also get Eric the magazine rack that fits between the tub and the toilet. I don’t care if he looks at dirty magazines. I’m not so insecure that I think he’s comparing me to those girls. It’s all a fantasy. I have a few of my own that involve man candy that isn’t Eric. That’s normal and healthy. It’s only a problem if he spends more time making deposits to his spank bank than he does in or on me.
For the time being, he’s put the magazines on the bottom shelf of his nightstand, so I grab them to put them in the rack. Honestly, I don’t understand the attraction to something so fake. There are surgically enhanced tits, fake tans, bottle blonds and more Photoshopping than should be allowed in a single magazine. I don’t get it.
But just to get my boyfriend going, I change clothes and stretch out on the bed with my reading glasses and my thousand dollar fuck me shoes on. He’ll be home from hanging out with Alcide anytime now.
I flip through the pages of the magazine and when I hear the garage door go up, I roll onto my stomach like it’s the most natural thing in the world for Eric to come home find me mostly naked and looking at porn.
“Where’s my favorite Honeysuckle?” he calls from the kitchen.
“Back here!” I call out and listen to make sure he’s alone. I can tolerate Al, but that doesn’t mean I want him seeing me like this.
“What are you up to…” He trails off when he walks into the room. “I… um… Hi.” He gulps as he leans against the door jamb.
I look up from the magazine and smile at him. “Hi. Have fun with Al?”
“Yeah, not as much fun as I want to have with you in about three seconds.” Eric stands up and slowly stalks toward the bed.
“Three seconds, huh? That’s pretty fast,” I smirk and look down at the contorted brunette on the page in front of me with her hands on her tits.
“Saucy little minx,” he growls and climbs onto the bed with me. He crawls over me so he has me caged in between his arms and legs. “Do you want to do some Playboy poses?” he asks and nips my shoulder. “I might have some Hustler we can play with too.”
“What’s the difference between the two?” I giggle quietly.
“What you’re looking at is classy porn. Hustler is dirty,” he growls and kisses my neck.
“Oh yeah? So right now I’m Playboy, but if I bend over without my panties on, I’m Hustler?” I ask and wiggle my ass against his rapidly hardening cock.
“Something like that,” he groans. “I love you either way.”
“Which do you prefer?” I ask him and keep moving my ass.
“Right now I wouldn’t mind my Hustler girl.” Eric pushes my hair all the way to the side and begins to suck softly on the back of my neck as he thrusts against my ass.
“Not that I’m not enjoying what you’re doing, baby, but I’m a bit limited in my range of motion and I definitely can’t suck your cock with you on my back like this,” I say.
“We’ll just have to remedy that, pretty girl,” he whispers and with one last kiss he climbs off of me and flops on his back next to me.
I shift over so I’m straddling his crotch and I rock my hips back and forth slowly. I completely change gears and ask, “What did you and Numbnuts do?”
“We played video games and talked shit about people… Jesus, you’re sexy,” he pants and watch’s my hips as his hands move up and down my thighs.
“Talk about anyone I know?” I grind against him and move his hands up my sides to my tits.
“No, he told me about a girl he banged last weekend and he ran into a guy we went to high school with, Peter, he was a dick and apparently he’s still a dick. Speaking of dicks…” He starts to thrust his hips up against me. He’s really hard now.
“Sounds like you had fun,” I smile at him, and manipulate his hands so they tug down the cups of my bra.
“Mmm, yep,” he nods and he sits up to suck on one of my nipples.
“Mmm… that feels good,” I moan and grind against him again. “Where would you like my lips?”
He moves to my other nipple and when he releases it he tilts his head up so his lips brush against mine. “Right here, Pumpkin,” he whispers.
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him passionately. His tongue slips into my mouth and my hips keep moving while we make out for a few minutes. He’s such a good kisser.
Eric’s hands slowly slide down my back until he reaches my ass and he helps me grind into his erection.
“I would be perfectly fine kissing you like this all night,” he whispers against my lips. “You’re so beautiful, Sookie, and you taste amazing.”
“Thank you,” I purr. “But your dirty girl has another idea. There’s something in the nightstand to go with your new magazine rack.”
“Oh yeah?” he asks with a little smile, “What did my dirty girl do?”
“I went for super awesome girlfriend points,” I tell him and nibble on his jaw.
“Mmm, but you’re already a super awesome girlfriend. What else could you possibly do to make you better?”
“You said you wanted lube for these,” I put his hands back on my tits. “Now you have it.”
“You know I love your tits more than anything I’ve ever seen in any of those magazines, right?” he asks and dips to suck my nipple. “And I’m going to love them even more when they’re sliding up and down my cock.”
“I know you do,” I moan.
“Can you grab it for me? And take this off?” he asks, reaching back to unhook my bra.
I let him take my bra off and then I climb off of him to get the bottle from the drawer.
“Where do you want me, Eric?” I ask while he’s taking off his clothes.
“On your back.” He pushes his pants down, springing his cock free and it points at me like a homing beacon.
I lie down so my head is closer to the edge of the bed and I hand him the bottle. When he reaches out to take it, I stick my tongue out and lick the tip of his cock.
“Keep that up and I’ll just fuck your throat instead.”
“You have options,” I smile at him.
“Mmm,” he hums. He has me hold my tits up as he drizzles lube down over them. “So fucking hot,” he groans as he rubs it in. He stops to pour a little more into his hand and he strokes his cock.
“Mmm… you’re so hard, baby,” I purr and lick his tip again.
“That’s what you do to me, Pudding Pop,” he says and leans in to rub his tip around my nipples.
“They’re hard for you,” I whisper.
“Perfect,” he whispers back and settles his shaft between my breasts. “Push them tight around my cock, Baby Doll.”
I do as he says and he groans when my tits cover his thick shaft. “Like this?”
“Just like that,” he moans and begins to thrust. His hands rest on my ribs and I can tell he’s watching as his slick length rubs against me.
I feel the weight of his hands disappear and the next moment he’s pushing my thighs apart.
“This is the best part,” he tells me right before his fingers slide through my folds.
“My pussy being wet for you or fucking my tits?” I ask and my hips lift a little to get more friction.
“Your pussy,” he says and twists two fingers into me.
“Mmm… feels so good, baby,” I moan.
“Yes it does,” he agrees and his hips speed up a little while he continues to twist and scissor his fingers in my cunt. “Are you going to let me cum on your face?”
“Is that what you want your dirty girl to do?” I pant. His fingers feel so good pumping in and out like they are.
“Oh yes,” he growls. “Push your tits tighter, Sookie.” His thumb finds my clit and he draws quick figure eights around the top of my slit.
I moan loudly and push my tits together tighter for him. Eric hunches over my body as he fuck my tits and he continues to pump his fingers in and out while his lips latch onto my clit.
“Oh fuck,” I moan and I lose my grip on my tits for a second but recover quickly.
I feel his shaft begin to pulse as he groans into my pussy. His tongue starts flicking and rubbing my clit. Eric introduces a third finger and he hisses, “So fucking tight, Baby…”
“Eric,” I whine his name as his hips and his fingers start fucking me at the same pace. He sucks my clit hard, pushing me over the edge at the same time he pulls his hips back a little. He releases all over my tits, jerking his hips.
“Oh, fuck…” His fingers are still slowly pumping in and out of me. Eric drops his weight on me for a moment before he forces himself to stand up and pull his fingers out. “You look just like my dirty little Hustler girl with my cum dripping off your nipples like that.”
I smile and wipe it up with one of my fingers before licking it off.
“Keep that up and I’ll get hard again. You know how I like to fuck you long and hard,” he purrs.
“Yes I do,” I smile. I raise my legs up and split them into a V. Eric’s eyes run the length of my legs up to my fuck me pumps.
“Stand up and face the bed,” he growls with his cock in his hand.
I do as I’m told I stand up, panties still on, and face the bed. Eric stands behind me. His hands grab onto my tits and he begins to massage them as he rubs his semi-hard cock over my ass. I reach back to hold onto his thighs and his mouth descends on my neck.
“You know you’re the best thing about my life,” he whispers and I feel his cock jump. “You’re smart, funny.” One of his hands ghosts down my stomach to my clit and he starts to rub softly, making me moan. “You’re beautiful, sexy as hell… and you make me hard as fucking stone.”
I whimper when he bends me over at the waist and pushes my panties to the side. He slides into me from behind and reaches up to grip the hair at my nape, holding me down against the bed.
“And I love every. Fucking. Inch. Of. You.” He punctuates each word with a hard, deep thrust, slamming me into the side of the bed.
His other hand is on my hip and he uses his grip on my hair to pull me back into his thrusts. He keeps going for what feels like hours.
“Oh God!” I cry out as his cock rubs against my spot when he pulls my hips up just a little.
“Cum, Honeysuckle,” he groans and I can feel him beginning to swell. “Please, baby…”
My back arches, pushing my ass into him harder and my pussy starts massaging his shaft, making him groan.
“Eric, I’m–” I’m cut off when my orgasm explodes throughout my body making me seize.
“Fuck! Yes!” he shouts and slams in two more times before he erupts. He collapses on me and his heavy breaths push my hair aside as he pants and kisses the side of my face. “I love you, Princess,” he pants.
“Love… you…” That’s all I can say. Sex with Eric is really, really good. Really good.
We both groan as he pulls out and climbs up on the bed. He grabs my limp arms and drags me with him so he can curl around me. That’s the last thing I remember before I pass out in a sex coma.
I’m sitting on the couch eating a giant bowl of Fruity Pebbles in my boxers. I have my feet kicked up and I’m enjoying some Thursday morning cartoons. I love my vacation time. It’s nice, and Sookie doesn’t mind that I’m a big kid. It’s one of the things that I find most attractive. She gets me… she deals with my childishness is more like it. I think she finds it cute though so I’m good.
My spoon is moving a huge bite to my mouth when the doorbell rings. Huh. I’m not expecting anyone, and I rarely get mid-morning company. I finish taking my bite and I get up to look out the peephole as I chew. Ooo-kay. Two middle aged people with suitcases ringing my doorbell.
“One moment,” I call and sprint back to the bedroom to slip on some basketball shorts. Just as I reach the door the bell rings again. I slowly open the door and lean against the edge. “Hi?” I greet/question them.
“Hello, young man,” the guy says. “We’re representatives from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?”
I look back and forth between them and my eyes go wide for a second when I realize an older Sookie is standing behind the man talking to me.
“I uh… I don’t know how to say this, but Lucifer has already sent his minions and I went along with them. I appreciate your offer though,” I tell him as seriously as I can.
“I told you he was a heathen,” he says to the woman.
“Oh, Corbett, quit it,” she says. “We’re Sookie’s parents. You must be Eric.”
“I am,” I nod and take a step back, opening the door wider. “Come on in. Sorry about my lack of clothing. I’m on vacation.”
“We didn’t tell Sookie we were coming. We like a good sneak attack,” her dad says. He extends a hand and says, “I’m Corbett.”
“Eric,” I smile and give him a firm handshake. There’s nothing worse than a wimpy shake. “I’m glad to meet you.” I turn to her mom and make her yelp when I give her a tight hug. “Welcome to our home,” I grin as I let her go.
“Thank you,” she says. “I’m guessing Sookie’s at work?”
“Yep. Here, have a seat,” I offer and direct them to the couch. I have no idea how Sookie is going to react, but knowing her she’ll be excited to see them. “Give me a moment, I can put a shirt on.” I run back to the room and grab a t-shirt. I don’t realize it’s my Dick in a Box shirt until I have it on and I’m standing in front of my girlfriend’s parents again. Too late now.
“That’s really classy, son. Was your petting zoo with the arrow pointing down shirt in the wash?” Corbett deadpans and Sookie’s mom slaps his shoulder.
“No, it was on backorder. I should get it next week,” I tell him. This is going to be like hanging out with my own dad. I like him already.
“I can see why Sookie likes you,” her mom chuckles.
“That human turd she used to go with would be huffing and puffing like the big, bad wolf,” Corbett says.
I chuckle and say, “Yeah, I can see that. Can I get you guys anything to eat or drink. I was just having some cereal, but I can make something if you like.”
“We’re fine,” her mom says as Corbett leans forward to look at the magazines on the coffee table.
I forgot I took a few Playboys out of the bathroom. They have great articles… and tits.
“I have the newest one in the room,” I offer. I’m already caught. I might as well offer.
“Read it,” Sookie’s parents say in unison.
I think I’m in love with them.
“Uh… should we call Sookie, or do you want to surprise her?” I ask. This could be really fun. I pick up my bowl of cereal to finish eating it.
“I’ll call her,” Corbett grins. If he greets his daughter the same way he greeted me, this should be interesting.
“Okay,” I smile and grab my cell phone. I search through my contacts and hand it to him when I find her work number. She doesn’t have caller ID on her work phone.
“I’ll handle this,” her mom takes the phone. She puts the call on speaker and when Sookie picks up, her mom yells, “Sookie, you need to come home right now before Daddy kills Eric!”
“What?!” Sookie sounds shocked. “Mom? Are you at the house?”
“Yes, and these two numbskulls are wrestling on the living room floor! Stop it right now!” Michelle yells convincingly.
“Eric wants a dick in a box, I’ll give him one,” Corbett grunts and winks at me.
“Daddy, stop it!” Sookie yells.
“Watch it, Grandpa,” I try and have to cover my mouth to giggle. I slap my arm hard and say, “Take that, Dick.”
“Eric! Daddy, stop it!” Sookie yells at us.
“Corbett Mitchell Stackhouse you drop the pocketknife right now!” Michelle yells.
“You got blood in my couch!” I yell.
“Mom, I’m coming home. Call the police!” Sookie yells in a panic and then hangs up.
“Oh, she’s cute,” I laugh.
“Until she’s pissed,” Corbett laughs.
“I’ve seen her pissed. I just drove all the way through California with her. She’s not a fan of my driving,” I snicker.
“You go faster than the speed limit?” Corbett asks.
“Yep,” I nod and take the last bite of my Fruity Pebbles.
“She’s gets it from her mama,” he says.
“Hey! There’s a speed limit for a reason!” she says with a huff that’s identical to her daughter’s.
“Women,” I shrug and then laugh when Michelle throws a pillow at me.
“Like mother like daughter,” Corbett says.
“Are you guys staying here, or did you get a hotel?” I ask. They have their bags, but it’s too early to check into a hotel.
“A hotel,” Michelle says.
Probably safer that way. I don’t know how they feel about me molesting their little girl.
“How long are you in town?”
“Just until Sunday,” Corbett says. “We only wanted to check in and see how the new living arrangements are working after that other fool.”
“Just be thankful he never proposed,” Michelle says.
“I’m sure you would’ve talked her out of that,” I say.
“Bless your heart,” Michelle chuckles. “You two must not argue much.”
“Nah…” Then I think about how we argue. I love the way we argue. “I don’t really get mad about too much. Arguing is a waste of time,” I shrug. “Life is so much easier when you can laugh at things instead of yelling.”
“Good. I don’t like it when my baby girl calls me up while she’s crying,” Corbett says.
“I guess it’s good that I don’t like seeing her cry either,” I smile. “Her laugh is too pretty to make her cry.” Yep. I’m being a sap.
“Well I hope you’re made of Teflon because when she gets here she’ll lay a whoopin’ on both of you,” Michelle says.
“Uh uh, you made us do it,” I point out. I can handle mad Sookie anyway.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says just like Sookie would.
“They’re a handful, Eric,” Corbett says.
I narrow my eyes at Michelle and I hear the garage door going up.
“You just wait. I’ll get you when you least expect it, woman,” I threaten.
“You better sleep with one eye open,” Corbett chuckles.
“I survived Jason,” Michelle says. “I can handle this one.”
“I have a sidekick,” I tell her. Alcide will go along with any plan I throw at him.
Before anyone can say anything else Sookie comes running into the living room and we all look at her with matching smiles.
“Hi, Buttercup, your parents popped in,” I grin as I stand up to give her a kiss.
“You’re not bleeding,” she looks me over.
“Nope,” I smile and kiss her cheek.
“I’ll kill you!” Sookie slaps my arm. Her parents are cracking up behind us. “Not funny, you jerks.”
“Aww, Honeypie, Corbett did call me a heathen. Does that count?” I ask and take her hand.
“He’s gonna be calling you Erica in a minute,” she grumbles.
“Calm down, baby girl, it was all your mama’s idea,” Corbett says.
“These two went along with it,” Michelle says, throwing us under the bus.
“You’re all on my list,” Sookie says.
“The list of your three most favorite people in the world?” I ask hopefully. The look she gives me says I won’t be getting any for a few days.
“Not quite, Schmoopy.”
“Schmoopy?” Corbett says with amusement.
“It’s better than Vajizzle,” I say, looking at Sookie.
“What the hell is a Vajizzle?” Michelle asks.
“A hoo-ha, Mama,” Sookie smiles.
“You call my baby girl a vagina?” Corbett glares at me.
“Not out loud,” I shrug. “You guys obviously missed her contact name in my phone.” I’m not doing myself any favors.
Sookie grabs my hand when she sees her mom has my phone. She jerks me down and whispers, “There better not still be porn on your phone.”
I rudely snatch my phone away from Michelle and shove it in my pocket. I completely forgot it was there and I haven’t put a lock on it since I’m not in school right now.
“Sorry. My mom was calling,” I say and sprint out of the room.
I lock myself in the bathroom and figure out how to add a lock to my phone so no one can get into it. I walk back into the living room like nothing happened.
“She wants me to come over and visit next week,” I lie.
“Is she going to knock this time or do we have to keep the door locked?” Sookie asks, speaking in her own code.
“The door is locked… um… No, she won’t just walk in.” Shit. I’m terrible at this when I’m caught off guard.
“Good,” Sookie says.
“Are you guys sure you don’t want any food or beer or something?”
“I’ll take a beer,” Corbett says.
“I got it. Mom, I’ll get you some water,” Sookie offers and goes to the kitchen.
“Be right back,” I say and go after her. “Baby doll, I was doing so well until she took my phone. I am sooo sorry.” I whisper when I join her.
“It’s okay,” she says a little too cheerfully.
“What?” She’s either mad or hiding something.
“Nothing,” Sookie smiles at me and grabs a beer from the fridge. “Go talk to my parents. I’ll be right in with the drinks.”
I don’t trust this. Not one bit.
“Okay… I love you…” I say warily.
“I love you too.” Sookie kisses my cheek.
“You’re making me nervous,” I say as I leave the kitchen. “Sookie will be right out.”
I take a seat on the chair across from the couch and I look at the Stackhouses.
“She’s a good hostess,” Corbett says.
“Mmhmm,” I nod. I suddenly don’t trust this bunch. “What are you guys hiding?”
“Nothing,” Corbett looks at a confused Michelle.
Sookie comes in carrying a tray with a beer for her dad, her mom’s water and two glasses of tea. She sets the tray down and passes out drinks.
“Thank you, darlin’,” her dad says.
“How was your flight?” I ask them and I set my tea on the coffee table.
“It was alright,” Corbett says.
Sookie sets her tea on the table too and says, “I wish you would have told me you were coming. I would have gotten the guest room ready for you.”
“Oh, it’s fine. We didn’t want to stay if we didn’t like him,” Michelle says.
“So far he’s better than the turd,” Corbett says and sips his beer.
“Thanks,” I smile. “It’s always nice when you upgrade. I know I did,” I say and reach over to take Sookie’s hand.
“Awwww… look how cute you are,” she says.
“That’s real smooth, Schmoopy,” Corbett deadpans.
“No, only Sookie can call me that,” I tell him.
“And Alcide,” she snorts and takes a drink of her tea.
“Alcide gets a junk punch every time he calls me that,” I inform her.
“Senior calls him Numbnuts for a reason,” she shrugs.
“Exactly. Now, I just met you, Corbett, but I will junk punch you too for something like that. No man’s nuts are safe in my family.” I finally take a sip of my tea and set it back down. Sookie has a shit eating grin on her face. I do not trust this.
“It’s true, Daddy. He junk punched his dad at the fourth of July barbecue to get the drunken strawberries back,” Sookie tells him.
“Anything that touches me you’re not getting back,” Corbett warns and drinks more of his beer.
“We’ll see,” I grin. He’s already proved he can play with the big dogs. He’s going to love my dad.
“We should send him fishing with Senior,” Sookie says.
“I would love to see them together,” I smile. I take another sip of my tea and the look on Sookie’s face tells me this probably isn’t the best idea.
“I guess Senior is your father?” Michelle asks and I nod. “It would be nice to meet them while we’re in town, don’t you think that would be good, Corbett?”
“It would be nice,” he agrees as Michelle takes a big drink of her water.
“You’ll get a kick out of Eric’s parents,” Sookie says. “They’re very nice and they have big personalities.”
“They’re pretty awesome,” I agree. “Do you guys want to eat here or go out to dinner tonight?” I ask.
“Lets go out,” Sookie says. “Then Mom won’t take over the kitchen while she’s on vacation.”
“I don’t know, I wouldn’t mind cooking with Michelle,” I say and wink at Sookie’s mom.
“We should get settled in at the hotel first,” Corbett says and takes another pull from the beer.
“That’s code for Daddy wants to take a nap,” Sookie tells me.
“I can get on board with a nap,” I snicker. I down the rest of my tea and set the glass on the table. “Baby doll, do you want to nap and we can all meet up in a few hours for dinner?”
“Sure,” Sookie smiles.
Sookie’s parents go to check into their hotel and Sook and I go to the room. I really am tired so I pull off my shirt and basketball shorts before I flop on the bed. Sookie strips down and lies down next to me to snuggle into my chest. One of my favorite things to do is nap with Sookie. She always wakes up in a good mood and she’s a wild sleeper so her hair ends up all over the place.
She drops off pretty quickly and I shift to wrap her in my arms. Just as I start to doze off it hits. My stomach starts to rumble and my intestines feel like they’re caving in on themselves.
I jump up from the bed and race to the bathroom. I’m on the toilet for the next hour cursing Sookie’s name. I know she has something to do with this.