The next morning I wake up before Eric. It’s barely light outside but that’s not stopping Butterball from bouncing around in my belly like my bladder is a trampoline. I scoot out of bed and lift a shirt from Eric’s dresser. It’s sad that I don’t think it’ll fit me when I’m nine months pregnant.
You shouldn’t be wearing his clothes at all, cheater.
I groan quietly and shuffle out of the bedroom to go to the bathroom. The black and white tiny beehive pattern tile on the bathroom floor is surprisingly cold for early summer. I love Eric’s tub. It’s an old claw foot that’s probably cast iron covered in porcelain. There’s a block glass window and the shower curtain wraps around the inside of the tub.
After relieving the pressure on my full bladder, I wash my hands and swish around some mouthwash. In the kitchen I start a pot of coffee. One cup won’t hurt the baby. While it brews I start the oven. Eric’s got some overly ripe bananas sitting on the counter, so I move to the pantry to look for flour, baking powder, sugar, vanilla extract and a few other necessities for banana bread. I’m not the best baker in the world but I make a pretty badass loaf banana bread.
I’m going to have to tell Bill what just happened with Eric. He deserves to know. I’d want to know if he slept with someone else. He might not even care. I mean we haven’t had The Talk yet, so maybe it’s not a big deal.
While I’m greasing up a loaf pan, a sleepy, naked Eric shuffles into the kitchen.
Hello, morning wood.
“Mornin’,” he grumbles, scratching the back of his head.
“There’s coffee and I’m about to put banana bread in the oven.” I get down two mugs and set them on the counter.
“You’re an angel.” He kisses the side of my head. “How’s my baby girl?” He reaches out to rub my bump.
“I think she’s sleeping now. She woke me up about an hour ago.” I pour the batter into the loaf pan and then put it in the oven.
“Hmm, she’s more effective than Daddy,” he chuckles. “You wore me out or I would’ve been the one waking you up.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I pour him a cup of coffee and hand it over.
“Thanks. And I think you know exactly what I’m talking about.” His morning wood is still pointing at me.
“Nope, not a clue.” I’m a shitty liar to begin with and what I’m starting to affectionately call my whoremoans aren’t helping to prevent me from getting a lady boner. Biting my lower lip and averting my eyes are my tells, and Horny, the long lost eighth dwarf, knows it.
Eric sets down his coffee and moves to stand behind me. His hands go to my hips as he rubs his hard-on against my ass.
“Bend over the counter and I’ll let you feel what I mean,” he purrs.
“Might be hard to drink my coffee that way,” I chuckle.
“You can set it right next to mine,” he says, “Or grab a straw.”
“Straws are only good for iced coffee.” I tilt my head back to look up at him and he leans down to kiss me. Last night was… It was different. I feel like something changed between us but I don’t know if it was just the heat of the moment or if something really changed. Emotions were high, the baby kicked and for the first time in a really long time we weren’t just fucking. I felt the connection we used to have and I’m positive he felt it too.
“You want me to lift you onto the counter, then?” he offers. His cock is still pressed against my ass. His hands slip around to hold Butterball.
I turn myself around and let him pick me up to set me on the counter made of butcher block. He stands between my thighs and our lips meet again. I don’t give a fuck about his morning breath and he knows it. Eric scoots my ass closer to the edge of the counter and rubs his thick, swollen tip up and down my slit. I groan into the kiss and feel my juices start to flow for him.
He pulls away from the kiss. His eyes go to mine as he starts to push into me. A deep rumbly growl leaves his throat as my warm, wet walls take him in.
“My God you feel perfect,” he whispers before leaning to lick my lips.
My mouth opens for him and our tongues dance as his hips start to move. I break off the kiss and since I’m at the perfect height for it I lean in and gently nibble on his left nipple. It makes his cock pulse inside me. Eric hooks my legs to lift them higher. It allows him to get deeper inside of me, making him groan louder. His head drops back as he grinds against me in slow circles.
“Mmm, did you want your coffee?” he asks without opening his eyes.
“I can wait,” I answer. I reach down and smile when Eric growls as I stroke the base of his shaft.
“That’s going to make me cum before I’m ready,” he tells me. He starts to pump in and out slowly. He pulls back until he’s about to fall out before pushing back in. The way he swivels when he slides in each time has my pussy fluttering for him.
“Mmm… but you’re always ready,” I say. I lean forward and bite his right nipple.
“Fuck,” he hisses. “Do you want to feel my cum shooting deep inside of you?” he asks.
I clench my muscles around his cock and ask, “What do you think?”
“I think you better hold onto something,” he growls as his hips speed up. My arms fly up to wrap around his neck as he starts to drive into me so his hips are slapping against my inner thighs.
“Ohfuckohfuckohfuck!” I chant. His thumb finds my clit and rubs quick circles around it. My nails dig into his back and it’s entirely possible I draw a little blood when I cum a few seconds later.
My orgasm coupled with the sting of my nails in his back rip his release from him. When Eric cums I feel it erupt inside of me, filling me.
“Fuck, that’s perfect.” He leans down to slide his tongue between my lips in a scorching hot kiss that makes my ovaries tingle a little.
The lazy thrusting of his hips, combined with the kiss might cause a small, second orgasm. If only the rest of our relationship was as easy to fix as our sexual relationship Eric and I would be all set.
As much as I don’t want to sound like some needy college chick I have to ask the perfunctory question, “What are we doing?” I’m not even sure if I expect him to answer.
“Right now we’re coming down off a fantastic fuckin’ high. I don’t think that’s what you mean, though.” He gives me another quick kiss as he wraps his arms around my shoulders. “I’m going to follow your lead on this one. You know I love you. You know I want nothing more than to be a family but I understand if you’re not ready.”
I hate that this is all in me, but it is. A decision needs to be made once and for all. As if we needed a reminder, Butterball decides to make herself known by doing her best David Beckham impression in my belly. I owe it to her to figure out what I want. Apparently I don’t feel that guilty for maybe cheating on Bill since I just did it again.
I need to go have a long ass talk with Maria. She’ll help me sort this shit out. But first I need some coffee.
“The little gremlin kicks now,” I tell Maria on our way to her bridal shower. It’s out in the suburbs at her parents’ house. Specifically in their backyard. The Coopers used to live across the street from us, but after the kids were out of the house they bought a smaller place up on the Chain ‘o Lakes.
“Oh, how exciting,” she grins. “When did that start?”
“Last weekend… when I slept with Eric.” Both of us have been busy this past week so there hasn’t been much time to talk.
“You did what?” she whisper-yells.
“My trip to Seattle got canceled but no one told the baby hormones so I went to Eric’s,” I explain. “Believe me, I tried to take care of it myself but it wasn’t working.”
“Oh boy,” she sighs. “So… what else happened? I need to know it all. Spill, spill, spill.”
“Nothing, really. I stayed over Friday night and then made banana bread in the morning. He wants us to be a family and I haven’t told Bill yet about Eric. I don’t know what I’m doing, Maria. I swear these fucking hormones convince me that all kinds of shit is a good idea when I’m doing it. I just don’t want to get suckered in by great sex, you know? That’s never been a problem for Eric and me. If all we ever did was fuck we’d be great.”
“Hmm, well… how do you feel about it now that you’re nowhere near his cock?”
“I don’t know. There are times when I think there has to be a way for us to be able to make it work. I think my biggest problem is that I’m scared,” I admit.
“You have to ask yourself if he’s worth it,” she tells me. “You’re going to have to deal with each other for the rest of your lives. Do you think you can handle it if he moves on to someone else? You need to see if you think he can be the Eric you need him to be to stay happy? Alcide said Eric is making some changes, are you seeing that?”
“Maria, it’s not just about Eric. This baby thing is terrifying. For the last week I’ve been having these little panic attacks. Like what if I fail at teaching her right from wrong? What if I make terrible decisions that completely ruin her life? What if I’m a shitty mom? What if something goes wrong during the birth and Eric has to raise her alone? Just thinking about all of it is enough to make me crazy, and then I have all the Eric stuff to consider.
“If I decide not to try to make it work is it because that’s the right thing or is it because I’m afraid of failing again? Will the baby hate me for not trying to give her a normal family with a mommy and daddy who love each other? In ten years will I kick myself if he marries someone else? Am I thinking of staying with him because of me or because of the baby? I have asked myself a billion questions, Maria. I have no clue what I’m doing. Flying blind isn’t my specialty. You know I’m a planner. All of this is foreign territory to me.” I’m trying not to burst into tears because I don’t want to ruin my makeup.
“I hate to say it, but you’re never going to be able to answer those questions. You’re going to have to go with your gut.”
“And if my gut is wrong I’m not the only one who gets hurt this time.” We’ll see how she feels about that ‘go with your gut’ stuff when she’s pregnant.
“That’s true, and it sucks that you have to make decisions for two now, but… well, start with the little things. I know none of it is little, but work your way up. How would you have felt if your parents raised you separately? We won’t know whose personality she has until she’s out, but try to look at it through her eyes as if she was you. I’m terrible at advice, aren’t I?” she sighs.
“No, you’re not.” She tries to help, although I’m not sure how effective she is sometimes. I know she’s preoccupied with the wedding right now. I don’t want to steal her thunder or make her feel like a bad friend for not having a magic answer that fixes everything.
I really miss my mom right now.
“I feel like I am,” she sighs. “I wish I could be more help.”
“The kid complicates everything.”
“A little bit, but if she wasn’t around you wouldn’t be asking yourself these questions.”
“That’s true. If she wasn’t around I would have transferred to Seattle,” I reply.
“But she is here. The selfish part of me appreciates that,” Maria tells me.
It’s a tricky situation. If I base my decision solely on what’s best for the baby, I run the risk of making myself unhappy, which is a surefire way to make sure my daughter is unhappy. There has to be some kind of balance but I don’t know what the scale should be. Just how big of a factor should the baby be in my decision?
This sucks. Right about now I want to quit being a responsible adult and go back to being a carefree kid whose biggest decision was what cartoon to watch. If only I really could let Jesus take the wheel I would.
“Sookie showed up at my place late last Friday night,” I blurt out the second Alcide walks into my apartment. I’ve been fighting myself on whether or not to tell Holly since I don’t actually know what’s happening now. Sookie could decide I’m not worth it.
“Showed up like she junk punched you or showed up like the beginning of a bad porno?”
“Like the beginning of a porno,” I sigh. “Like the kinda showed up where I had to bleach surfaces… everywhere after she left.”
“Thanks for the warning,” he snorts.
“Yeah, well now I don’t know what the fuck to do. I’ve been avoiding Holly and I don’t know if Sookie wants to be with me. I know she wants to fuck me while her hormones are on the warpath, though.” This is all a big mess. When she went home we left things unresolved.
“Have you considered duct taping the flagpole to your leg when she’s around?” He’s serious.
“That sounds lovely, but I lose all brain function when she shows up. Especially in that red dress and push up bra that makes her cleavage look so goddamn good,” I sigh. “She came here with a mission. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker.”
“She appealed to the command center,” he shrugs. “And if I had seen her in that dress, I would have nailed her too.”
“Now I’m left trying to figure out what the hell to do. I told her I love her. I told her that I want our family to be together. Oh, the baby kicked me in the hand,” I grin.
“Seriously? Isn’t it early for that?” Alcide looks surprised, but pleasantly so.
“She’s a little on the large side,” I tell him. “Sookie’s probably going to deliver early. She’s growing like crazy.”
“Well yeah, she’s got the Incredible Hulk for a father,” he snorts.
“You say this like when you knock Maria up your demon spawn isn’t going to be a giant,” I chuckle.
“Oh it will. Mine’ll be cuter though.”
“Uh, no,” I shake my head. “I’m already shopping online for chastity belts. My little girl is going to be the cutest of them all.” I’m serious about the chastity belt shopping. Sadly, I’ve only been able to find freaky sex toys.
“Sook would just bust her out of it anyway and arm her with condoms.”
“With Lafayette’s help, no doubt,” I sigh. “Point is, I don’t know what the hell to do. Should I break things off with Holly on the chance that Sookie is going to wake up and come back to me, or do we think that’s a lost cause?” I do really like Holly.
“Right now Sookie’s on my shit list, so I say forget her,” Alcide says.
“What’d she do to get on your shit list?” I ask.
“She’s got some donkey donged stripper coming to jiggle his doorknobs in my wife’s face.”
“And? You get Summer to rub her body all over you. Hell, tell her you’re getting married and she may give you a hand release,” I snort.
“You want Bill jiggling in front of Sookie?”
“I really want to trip him into the lake when he comes to town,” I say seriously. “For what it’s worth Sookie may have been fucking with you. She hates male strippers.”
“Maria confirmed it.”
“You do know women conspire to upset us, don’t you? Have you ever thought Maria was just going along with it?” I ask.
“She wouldn’t do that. She knows I don’t want her going near any naked dudes.”
Alcide’s a moron.
“Let’s hope naked dude cancels or Sookie throws up on him. She made some banana bread if you want what’s left?” As good as it is, I haven’t been able to eat much since she left last Saturday.
“No thanks. Maria’s mom is sending her home with a spicy Italian sausage lasagna,” he grins. “Hopefully my suit for the wedding will still fit.”
“Hell, I may come home with you,” I laugh. “Or invite Holly for dinner. She’s a phenomenal cook and makes me dinner every time she comes over.” I’m such a dick. I should break it off with her. Fuck.
“Dude, you’ve got it fuckin’ made in the shade. You know there are fuckin’ mob guys who would trade situations with you in a heartbeat, right?”
“What? Have a pretty girl that will fuck you and cook for you, and did I mention she’s pretty?” I grin. Alcide still hasn’t met Holly so he has no idea what she looks like.
“Gimme the specs.”
“Hmm, about five-foot-two, Summer tits, a thin waist… her ass isn’t as good as Sookie’s, but she has these big blue eyes.” I pull my phone out to look for a picture I took of her making spaghetti and meatballs one night. She’s laughing, telling me not to take the picture, but she looks adorable. She has full lips and a small nose. She’s just cute. “That’s her.”
“You’re a fuckin’ dickhead,” he grumbles.
“Believe me, I know,” I sigh. “She gives good advice too. Scroll to the right and you can see her in a pair of panties and a T-shirt.” My old Goonies T-shirt is her favorite.
“That answers the question of whether she’s the one or not,” Alcide says.
“I like her, I do. I just can’t see her by my side in ten years. Mom thinks she’s in love with me.”
“What the fuck for? She knows she’s pretty much sloppy seconds, right?”
“I’m a good catch,” I shrug. “I think it’s the sex.”
“You’re a good catch? A guy with a kid on the way and a baby mama he can’t stop porking? I don’t think so, bro.”
“I didn’t say great, I said good. She doesn’t know I fucked Sookie. She doesn’t need to know and it may not happen again,” I tell him.
“Then what do you have your dick in a knot for?”
“What if she does want to fuck again? I’m not exclusive with Holly, but she’s the only one I’ve been with in the last couple months, until last weekend,” I sigh.
“To hear you tell it, you don’t have a choice since you can’t think with Sookie around. Sounds like a decision’s been made. If Holly knows your situation she must be okay with you and Sookie getting your freak on from time to time,” he says.
“Should I tell her?”
“Nah, definitely let her find out on her own. Chicks dig that.” Ass.
“I hate you sometimes,” I sigh. “I don’t know how to tell her. Plus Sookie is still bringing that Bill dick to the wedding.”
“So I heard. Maria started yappin’ about Sookie raving about sex with him–”
“It’s better with me,” I say, cutting him off. “She wasn’t fucking me and her fuckin’ baby hormones are insane right now.”
“If you say so,” he shrugs.
“I know so.” I go to the fridge to grab two beers, handing one over to Alcide.
“Look, I don’t know the right answer but just shit or get off the pot. I’m getting fucking tired of having this conversation with you every two years,” he says.
“Tell Sookie to get her panties out of a wad,” I reply.
“Take your balls back and make the decision for her.”
“You’ve met her. Do you really think that’s going to work?”
“Is this pussying around working?” he points out.
“I’ve been trying to woo her back,” I sigh. “I sent her flowers, well, the baby flowers, but Sookie gets to enjoy them.”
“Clearly it’s working.”
“She came over to thank me, and then she came to fuck me the next night,” I shrug.
“That was baby hormones, not the flowers.”
So what if he’s right. “How the hell do I do that? Just show up and tell her like it is? That’s never worked.” Never. As a matter of fact, that’s exactly what she doesn’t want.
“Then I guess you better learn to like grabbing your ankles.”
I flip him off and take a swig of my beer. It turns into a fight anytime I try to tell her she needs to choose me. She’s stubborn, but she has her reasons. She’s also right; I’m just as stubborn as she is. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. This is all stupid. If we could just figure out how to communicate like we did last weekend all the time it would be easy.
“I need to tell Holly,” I sigh. I know we aren’t together but I feel like shit.
“You won’t,” Alcide shrugs. “You should, but you won’t. She’s not your girlfriend and to me it looks like you enjoy getting the best of both worlds. You can sit here and angst and whine over it all you want but you’re not doing a fuckin’ thing to change your situation, so you deserve whatever other people decide for you.”
He’s probably right. Until Sookie makes up her mind I’m going to be a dick and string Holly along like a fuckin’ putz. We should’ve left it at a one night stand. This is not fair to her, or Sookie. If it does end up with Sookie deciding she doesn’t want to be together, am I going to be able to tell Holly about last weekend?
I haven’t seen her since, but I have talked to her. With the wedding and bachelor party coming up I’ve been using that as an excuse to not see her. I’ve been “busy” with planning and work, but the asshole that runs my brain has walked her through getting herself off. She’s supposed to come over for breakfast in the morning, which would be the perfect time for me to tell her. Something tells me I’m going to see her cute little butt and attack her first thing.
I like Holly, a lot, like way more than I’ve liked any girl I’ve dated since I met Sookie. She has this thing about her that I can’t put my finger on. When I’m with her I need to touch her and hug her, even if she’s trying to give me advice about Sookie. That’s how I know it’s going to be impossible for me to break her heart and tell her I had sex with Sookie. Fuck.
“I’m such a fuckin’ dick,” I sigh. “I actually care about Holly.” He knows every other girl I’ve been with has just been filler until Sookie comes back to me.
“You have a fucked up way of showing it,” he chuckles and twists the cap off his beer.
“I know. I can’t really explain it. Sookie… she’s always been The One. Turning my pregnant ex down didn’t seem like an option. I’m the reason she’s so hormonal. I know it’s half her fault, that whole “takes two to tango” thing, but ultimately it’s my fault.” Everything seems to be my fault with her. Last weekend was the first time she admitted it’s not all me, that’s she’s partly to blame for our faults.
“Bro, she’s you with better tits and less dick. Of course she blames you for everything.”
“So, your advice is to take the bull by the horns and take my family back?” That will never work. Sookie would move to Seattle then just to get away from me being a caveman.
“My advice is to stop giving her a choice. If she doesn’t know by now if you’re the one for her, then you, my man, are wasting your fucking time,” Al says. “I say cut her loose.”
I sigh as I plop back on the couch. He’s right, as much as I don’t want to admit it. I know Sookie’s brain and hormones are all fucked up thanks to the baby but I know her heart is just fine. She’s going to over analyze everything, because that’s what she does, and then when she finally makes a choice she’s still not going to be sure.
“I’ll wait till after the wedding. If we’re on the outs it’ll just make everything awkward. I don’t want Maria to murder me,” I sigh.
“Good call. Although if that Mongo fucker gets too close to her I might be in jail during the wedding,” he grumbles.
Alcide is a bigger caveman than I’ll ever be. Maria seems to like it. I think she gets off on getting him all grumbly. I’ve seen the hearts in her eyes when he does it. I still highly doubt they’re seeing a male stripper. I’m not going to tell him again though, it’s pointless.
Ultimately, I have a serious decision to make. I don’t think I’m going to do it the way Alcide says, but I’m going to talk to Sookie and tell her to shit or get off the pot. If she can’t make that choice then and there I’m going to stick with Holly. She’s a great girl and even puts up with my moody ass. She has the patience of a saint, which is something Sookie does not possess. They’re completely opposite in every way. I have to figure out if I want the unpredictable hot and cold flashes or the girl that will sit back and wait for me to tell her no on all counts, then do it anyway.