Having a pelvic exam with a spectator is fucking awkward, but I’m relieved Eric wants to be here, even though he’s hiding behind Ray Bans, a beanie and a black hooded sweatshirt. He’s also nursing a venti something with I’m guessing a quad shot in it. I left before nine last night so I have no idea what the hell he did after I left.
I look to the right where Dr. Fant is sitting in front of an ultrasound machine. Cold goo is smeared on my bare belly and she’s moving a wand around on my skin. A urine test and pelvic exam confirm I am pregnant. Hormone levels put me at about six weeks, which is on par with the last time I had sex.
“I don’t see anything in there,” I say. There’s just a bunch of blurs on the screen. Nothing that looks like a baby.
“It’s there,” Dr. Fant promises. She draws a little circle around some of the fuzz and says, “That’s your baby.”
Eric leans forward to get a better look, but I’m sure he can’t figure it out.
“That’s fuzz,” I say. I don’t even see a flicker where the heart is beating.
“You’ll be able to see it the next time we do this.” She points to a teeny tiny flickering orb. “That’s the heart.”
I squint a little, like it’s somehow going to allow me to zoom in on the baby or make the picture clearer. Of course that doesn’t happen, but I find myself becoming transfixed by that tiny flicker. I’m not the most nurturing person out there. I mean I’m not heartless or anything, but I’ve never felt a pull to children. I’m not the creative type who gets excited about dying Easter eggs or checking Pinterest for the most awesome DIY party decorations. I like having my freedom and not structuring my life around a little Napoleon.
Yet, the more I stare at that tiny blip on the screen, the more I think I love it. A baby wasn’t part of the plan, especially with Eric, but this is being put in front of me for a reason. I have to believe there’s a greater purpose than Eric got heavy handed with the pinot on the most romantic night of the year. Any thoughts of terminating this pregnancy evaporate.
“When am I due?” I ask Dr. Fant.
“Judging by your last menstrual cycle and your hormone levels I’d say toward the end of November,” she says. “Your projected due date is November 22nd.”
“We’re going to have a Thanksgiving baby,” Eric comments. It might be the first thing he’s said all morning aside from a few grunts when he picked me up.
“Then Butterball is an apropos name,” I smirk.
His fingers thread with mine. “This is crazy, you know that, right?” he says with a small smile.
“It’s only going to get crazier.” I look at Dr. Fant and ask, “Is it normal for the baby to make me want to eat almost constantly?”
“That’s normal,” she nods. “Judging by the size of Dad here, you’re going to need all the nourishment you can get.”
“Can we just schedule my C-section now and get it over with?” I snort. I should start a pool on how early I deliver because of his giant ass.
“No,” she laughs, “We’ll wait till it’s closer to your due date.”
“Damn. I’d be able to fix the pool that way,” I sigh. I see a printer spitting out pictures of the blur and the flicker, although I’m not sure what there is to show anyone.
“Hey,” Eric scoffs. “I don’t know what kind of pool you’re planning but I think I should be offended by it.”
“You’ll get over it.” I take the napkin Dr. Fant offers me so I can wipe the goo off my belly and fix my pants. If Butterball keeps demanding food, I won’t be fitting in these for much longer. Thank God I like dresses and leggings with tunics.
“Make an appointment on your way out. I want to see you in four weeks to make sure you’re progressing okay,” Dr. Fant tells me.
“Yes, ma’am. Is it safe for me to keep working out as long as I don’t overdo it?” I’m nowhere near a gym rat, but I try to keep my size ten ass a size ten.
“Yes. Listen to your body,” she says. “If you’re doing too much it’ll tell you to slow down.”
“I’ve been dizzy lately too. Is that normal? I don’t normally deal with vertigo but going up in the elevator at work was terrible yesterday,” I tell her. “I’ve also been exhausted. I just want to eat and sleep.”
“That’s normal, Sookie. Your body is creating a new person. It’s a lot of work. When you get dizzy, take a step back and relax, okay? You might be over extending yourself.”
“Yeah… I’ll be cutting back my hours,” I say, which makes Eric smile a little. He knows the kind of hours I work. I’m usually at work twelve hours a day, sometimes six days a week. That’s going to have to stop.
“You mean that’s all I had to do to get you to slow down, knock you up?” he chuckles as he settles his hand on the small of my back. “We could’ve had six of these bad boys by now.” I know he’s joking.
“You clearly had Bailey’s in your coffee,” I snicker. I slide off the table and take the papers Dr. Fant hands me, including a prescription for prenatal vitamins.
“I’ll see you two in a few weeks,” she says as Eric guides me out.
“Want me to stop by anywhere to get you a snack before work?” Eric offers.
“No, there’s a café in the lobby of my building so I’ll just grab something there,” I say. I’m going to have to talk to Russell when I get in. Thankfully he’s not the kind of boss who fires women for having kids, or assumes that their focus will shift to their kids after they’re born. Those practices are discriminatory but it happens more than it should.
“Alright. I don’t have to be back to the bar until four so let me know if you need me to bring you anything.”
“I think I’ll be fine. Do you want me to go with you to tell your mom?” I offer. Eric’s mom is a riot. She’s gone upside his head multiple times for never proposing to me.
“Yes, please,” he chuckles. “You know she’s going to ask when the wedding is, right?”
“You get to answer that. Better dust off your helmet,” I advise. We stop at the front desk and I make an appointment for four weeks from now first thing in the morning. It was raining this morning when Eric picked me up and only in the lower forties outside, so I put my coat on before we leave the building.
“So… what changed your mind about keeping it?” he asks as we walk toward his car.
“I saw the heart beating,” I answer simply. “That tiny little heart is already pumping. I’m scared shitless but… I think I can do this. I never thought I’d want to, but there’s got to be some grander purpose I’m not aware of yet and I’d like to find out what it is.”
“I’m pretty scared too,” he admits, “I’m scared I’m going to be a shit father and I don’t want that. I’m just not nurturing. I’m a selfish dick and I want to do a good job.”
“You’ll figure it out. It’s not going to be easy to stay selfish when your kid has a diaper explosion and he’s screaming bloody murder while covered in baby shit.”
“I’ll just call you to help clean up the mess,” he teases. “Seeing the heart kinda cemented it for me, though. I’m all in with this, Stackhouse.”
“Ugh. Now I’m really stuck with you.” I’m joking. Mostly. Sometimes I want to slap his entire face.
“For-ev-ver,” he laughs as he throws his arm over my shoulder. “It was all part of your evil plan, I know it.”
“Pfffffffft. You’re not that irresistible, Mrs. Navarro,” I snort.
“You say that, but if I brought Dave Navarro over and offered you a three-way with me and him, I’m sure you’d accept it. And I do not have a mancrush on him.”
“Do too, and I’d keep Dave and kick you out,” I say.
“You wound me,” he sighs dramatically.
“Because I’d steal your man? He does do his eye makeup better than me,” I point out.
“I don’t have a crush on Dave fuckin’ Navarro,” he says.
“Uh huh.” Liar.
“Just for that I should bring Nora with me the next time I see you,” he grumbles.
“Go for it,” I shrug.
“Actually, I plan on telling her about the baby the next time I see her. I don’t know how she’s going to take it, so you may get your wish and never have to see or hear about her again.”
“If she flips out just remind her that you weren’t a virgin when she met you. Now you understand why I didn’t stay last night? If we were dating and I slept over at Sam’s–”
“You don’t have any reason to stay with Sam,” he says, cutting me off. “Sam would intend to try to fuck you, whereas, we aren’t fucking… anymore. And neither of us would try to make a move.”
“I wouldn’t try to make a move. I’m not convinced you wouldn’t,” I reply.
“I told you I wouldn’t,” he says. He sounds offended.
“Bullshit,” I cough.
“What’s bullshit is you thinking so fuckin’ little of me.” We get to the car and Eric opens my door for me.
“Says the guy who was checking out my tits last night and trying to talk me into sleeping with him.” I get in the car. We’re capable of just sleeping but I don’t think Whora would believe that’s all that happened. I know I wouldn’t.
He closes the door before he walks around to the driver side. “I check out your tits constantly, that doesn’t mean I’m trying to fuck you. They’re good pillows.”
“Uh huh.” I’m not going to keep arguing with him. We’ll see how he feels about this half-truth bullshit when it’s his kid trying to do it.
“Either way, knowing Nora she’s not going to take it well and that will be it with her,” he sighs.
“Oh please, like you really see a future with her?” She’s not his type at all.
“No, but she’s fun to fuck,” he shrugs.
“Awww so you’ll have to find someone else to be your dick mitt.” Poor thing.
“Won’t be hard.” He glances at me and adds, “We could always get back into a FWB relationship.”
“Uh, no, we can’t. We have to be grown ups now. We have a kid coming and we can’t afford to be fighting because you found a girl who likes butt sex and I need someone who doesn’t piss me off every four seconds,” I tell him.
“Why would we fight over butt sex? I’m not getting into another relationship anytime soon, so I don’t see why we couldn’t. We are grown ups and grown ups like sex, Sookie. Wouldn’t you rather me fuck you than find another Nora?”
“I don’t even follow that argument,” I sigh and shake my head.
“I’m just saying, wouldn’t it be better if we were fuck buddies than for me to find another clingy chick you can’t stand? It’s not like anyone is going to want me with a new baby that isn’t even born yet.”
“So you’d be doing me a favor?”
“That’s not what I’m saying. It would be easier on both of us,” he says. “Plus we’re great together in bed.”
“It’s not happening.”
“I’m over being someone’s convenience, Eric,” I say. “I can’t live like that anymore. I have to be more responsible and make better choices. Us fucking? Not a stellar example of better choices.”
“Well, we tried the relationship thing and you didn’t have time for me. Are you saying you’re ready for a real relationship where you make time for a guy now?”
“I’m saying I’m done with fuck buddies. I think I should be focusing on getting ready for a baby because this is so much bigger than anything I have ever done. I have no idea how to take care of a baby and learning about that is more important than going on dates,” I tell him. My priorities have to shift if I’m going to be any good at this mom thing.
“Even going on dates with me? It is my baby too. I’m more lost than you are, Sookie. If you thought you weren’t ready, that’s nothing compared to how I feel. You know I looked at the spare room next to mine for twenty minutes trying to imagine a crib in there? We’re in the same fuckin’ boat, Sook. We need to be on the same team. I’m not sure if I’m going to see anyone after Nora breaks up with me. I work in a business that keeps women rotating through every night. But I want to be involved as possible with this baby. If that’s rubbing your feet when they swell or reading a book about it at the same time as you, I want to do it. Not because I feel like I should, but because I figured out sometime between you leaving and me picking you up this morning that I want to be a good, involved father. That’s going to include spending time with you. I want to be there to feel my baby kicking any chance I get, since it’s the only real interaction I will have before it’s born.”
“That’s all great, Eric, but it has fuck all to do with us sleeping together,” I point out. “You can be a good dad without having sex with me.”
“Then we won’t have sex,” he sighs. “If I ask you to stay the night, will you take me up on the offer? I promise not to try to fuck you.”
“I don’t know! God, why are you pushing this so hard?” He’s starting to piss me off. “I swear, you don’t get the answer you want so you ask the same fucking question fifty different ways but you get mad at me. You’re ridiculous!”
“I’m not mad at you!” he argues. “I’m trying to figure this shit out, the same as you. I want to be involved! That’s all I’m fuckin’ saying. We don’t have to fuck, that’s fine. Fuck it, never-fuckin’-mind I even said anything.”
Jesus, he’s moodier than a woman sometimes.
Thankfully it doesn’t take long to get to my office. I get out of the car without saying a word and slam the door. Eric peels off in response, making me jump out of my skin. Dick.
I stop in at the café for an egg white omelet and whole wheat toast. If I’m going to be eating all the time I can at least eat healthy food. I’m sipping some orange, banana juice when Russell strolls in. Well this makes my day much easier. He places his order and spots me standing by the fruit bar. Mmm…
Maybe I should get some fruit for snacking on…
“Sookie,” Russell smiles when he sees me.
“Good morning, Russell. Enjoying the balmy weather?” I joke. We’re both in parkas.
“It’s fantastic out here,” he chuckles. “Would you like a smoothie? On me?”
I mean to say no but through me Butterball says, “Peanut butter banana with blueberries.” Ugh.
“That sounds… interesting,” he says before he turns to order. “You’re in late,” he comments once he pays.
“I am, thanks. I had a doctor’s appointment this morning. I was actually going to come find you when I got upstairs. I uh… I’m having a baby,” I say.
That makes him freeze. When he composed himself he says, “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.”
“It’s complicated, but you’ve met the father before. His name is Eric. He owns Fossils,” I tell him.
“Oh, I do remember him. He’s a handsome one. How far along are you?”
“About six weeks, so I’m not too far in but this growing a human thing is exhausting. I was planning on letting you know that I’m going to be cutting back my hours a little. I’ve been working seventy hour weeks for years but I can’t keep doing that without jeopardizing my health or the health of my baby.”
“Understandable,” he nods. “We can manage without you being in the office so much. You’re not required to be here as much as you are.”
“I know. I also don’t want you to think I’m phasing myself out. I don’t plan on quitting so I can stay home with the baby.” But I also know that I’ll be napping during my lunch hour. Bless being a salaried employee.
“I didn’t think you would be. You’re loyal to this place and to me,” he smiles. “This is going to be a big adventure, Sookie. You may change your mind before the baby is born.”
“It’s possible,” I agree. Anything is possible and I don’t want to go making promises that it absolutely won’t happen, but right now I plan on going back to work.
I have the option of working from home too, which I will probably take advantage of as I get further into the pregnancy. For now it’ll be nice to go home early on days I’m tired and don’t have meetings to attend in person. I’ve worked really hard to get where I am. I sacrificed a lot to get the job I have and I don’t regret a second of it. What I don’t want is for anyone to think I’m not on my A game because I’m pregnant. The most important thing is that Russell knows. I didn’t want him to find out from someone else that I’m pregnant. That would look shady and I’ve never been the shady type in the past.
“Well congratulations to you,” Russell says sincerely. He hands me my odd smoothie.
“Thank you.” I turn to get us some straws and my food order is called. “I guess I’ll see you upstairs then.”
“You bet,” he nods.
Well that was easy. Now I have to figure out what to do with my pain in the ass baby daddy.
It’s Monday and the bar is closed. I normally spend the evening with Nora, as is the plan tonight. I have the ultrasound picture of fuzz on the fridge, so if I lose my nerve she’s sure to ask about it. She’s extremely nosey, so it shouldn’t be a problem.
I’m pulling a box lasagna out of the oven when my doorbell rings. I take a deep breath and walk over to answer the door.
“Hi,” I smile when I pull the door open. She looks good. Mmm.
“Hello,” she replies. Nora opens her coat to reveal she’s not wearing much underneath it.
This is bad. All bad.
“Uh, come in, have a seat.” She knows something is wrong because I haven’t attacked her yet. I want to, but for once I’m listening to my very loose morals. I want to get the news out so she doesn’t accuse me of trying to use her.
“Is your face available?” she smirks.
“I kinda need to talk to you about something before we go there tonight,” I sigh. I could be wrong. She might be completely cool with me having a baby with someone else.
“Oh balls,” she pouts. “Let’s have it then.”
“Have a seat first. When I found out it nearly knocked me on my ass, but I was already sitting.”
“Shit. You’re not dying are you? You haven’t caught something awful like cancer or Bieber Fever?”
“No,” I chuckle, “But the news is big.”
“You’re queer?” she guesses. “I’ve seen the way you stare at that chap with all the manliner–”
“I do not have a thing for Dave fuckin’ Navarro,” I growl, cutting her off. “No, Nora, I’m not queer.” I take another deep breath. “Remember my friend Sookie?”
“The blonde bird that hates my guts.”
“Yeah, although I don’t know why,” I confirm. “Well, she’s ah… pregnant.”
“Is she? Good for her. Why did I need to sit? She’s not claiming an immaculate conception, is she?”
“Uh… the baby is mine,” I tell her.
“Yours? You told me you haven’t been together as a couple in three years. Did you donate sperm because it’s her last chance to be a mother or are you a lying shit?” Nora demands.
“I have not lied to you. We haven’t been a couple in three years. We sorta hooked up on Valentine’s Day,” I mumble the last sentence. That was also well before I met Nora so she can’t be that mad.
“I’d say you absolutely did if she’s growing your child,” Nora says with a scowl on her face.
“There was a lot of wine involved,” I sigh. “There’s an ultrasound on the fridge.”
“That’s alright. I don’t particularly want to see her insides.”
“I baked lasagna,” is all I can say. I like Nora. We argue way too much for a new couple but I do like her.
“My appetite seems to have disappeared.”
She’s not leaving, that’s a good thing, right?
“Would you like a T-shirt to put on? Something tells me naked time isn’t happening. I don’t want you to leave though.”
“I can’t see what you need me for. You’ve got Sookie to fuck you and mother your children,” she says.
“You know that was an accident. We aren’t sleeping together, Nora. I like you, I like having you around.” We normally just fuck, so I don’t know how much I actually like her.
“Except you got someone pregnant that you already told me you weren’t sleeping with and that was a lie,” she points out.
“No, I said we haven’t been a couple in a few years and I haven’t slept with her since I met you, so it wasn’t a lie.”
“That’s bollocks and you know it.” Nora stands up and puts her coat back on.
“So, you’re just going to leave?” I expected this.
“Are you going to be a part of the baby’s life? Can you honestly tell me you have no interest in being with Sookie as a boyfriend?”
“Sookie and I are friends. We tried the couple thing and we aren’t good together. You can’t ask me not to be in my child’s life. I didn’t want a baby but then I saw its tiny heart beating. Nora, I can’t walk away from my child. That’s not a possibility,” I tell her.
“Then perhaps you should be more concerned with that than where I’m going,” she suggests.
“So this is over? Me and you?”
“You haven’t asked me to stay,” she shrugs.
“Would you stay if I asked you to?” Even if she does I can’t see it ending well.
“What’s the point? I’m not sure I can trust you and Sookie’s not going anywhere. I’m sure you can find another girl willing to let you fuck her up her bum.”
Why does everyone think that’s the only reason I like Nora?
“I can’t say I’m surprised,” I sigh as I head toward the door.
“I’m not the one pregnant with my ex’s baby,” she says as she follows me. “I can’t imagine you’d be sticking around if the shoe was on the other foot.”
“You’re right. I wouldn’t. I hoped you had more compassion than me,” I tell her as I open the door.
“We don’t know each other very well. This isn’t a very big loss, Eric,” she says.
“I know, but I like you, for more than the butt sex. I need to focus on learning to be a dad anyway,” I sigh.
“Then I’m doing you a favor. Goodbye, Eric,” she says, and walks out of the apartment.
I wait until I can’t see her anymore before I go back into the house. I knew this was going to happen. I’m sad, but not that sad. Nora was fun while she lasted. Now I need to figure out how to make Sookie not hate me.
I flop on the couch and pick up my phone to call my baby mama. I need to see if she still hates me.
“What?” Sookie grumbles when she answers.
“Are you hungry?” I reply.
“No, I’m sleeping.”
“Sorry. Nora broke up with me.”
“Finally something to like about her.”
I want to argue with her about that but I don’t.
“Sorry I argued with you the other day,” I apologize. I never apologize.
“No you’re not,” she snorts. “You’re never sorry for any of the asshole things you say.”
“Well, I’m actually sorry this time. That conversation should’ve never happened. It was rude and uncalled for,” I say.
“You were probably right. I mean what guy wants a bloated fatass who’s carrying some other guy’s kid and three extra chins?”
“Sookie, you’re not fat. You’re beautiful, even more beautiful to me because it’s my child that your body is making all of these changes for. Why don’t we just work on learning to be good parents?” If she offered sex I’d take her up on it in a heartbeat, but she’s not so I’ll take what I can get. She’s the mother of my child. I need to stop being a dick to her.
“Fine with me.”
“Are you sure you’re not hungry? I baked a lasagna.”
“I’ve had your cooking. I’ll pass.”
“It’s cooked all the way through this time.” I checked it. “I’ll bring it to you and if you don’t like it I’ll get you anything else you want.”
“Eric, I already ate. I just want to go back to sleep.”
“Okay,” I sigh. “Call me when you wake up?”
“Uh huh,” she yawns.
“Sleep well and I expect a full report on Butterball when you wake up.” I haven’t talked to her in four days.
“Goodnight.” I hang up and kick my feet up on the edge of the couch. Tonight has gone exactly as planned. Lost my girlfriend and Sookie is still pissed at me.
The next day I’m sitting in the office at the bar doing payroll. I’m interrupted by my asshole best friend bursting through the door. I’m sure Maria has told him, but he’s been waiting for me to say something.
“What’s up, fucker?” I ask as I lean back in my chair.
“Not much, dick.” He plops down across from me.
“So, you hear the news?” I ask.
“You’re eloping to Fire Island with Dave?”
I throw my pen at him. What the fuck is everyone’s deal with this Dave Navarro shit?
“No, fuck nut, Sookie is pregnant.”
“Seriously?” He looks genuinely surprised. “I didn’t know Sam finally hit it.”
“Ahh, it’s not Sam’s.” I can’t believe Maria didn’t tell him. “She’s carrying my demon spawn.”
He blinks once. Twice.
“Yeah, I am. She’s seven weeks,” I sigh.
“Well shit. I’m shocked she let you touch her after the last time you two buttholes broke up.”
“It was a lot of wine and she looked fuckin’ good that night. She walked in she knew what she was doing. Her tits were on display and she gave me that flirty smile where she bats her eyelashes. I was a lost cause.”
“Your dick is smarter than you.”
“She made the first move,” I sigh. “It’s not like we hadn’t hooked up in the past.”
“No shit,” he snorts.
“No, I mean when we weren’t together. I also remember using a condom that night.” The first round.
“We may have forgotten when we moved the party to my house,” I tell him.
“Seems like a safe bet to me, Papa Bear.”
“That’s still weird to think of. I’m going to be a father. Like, a little tiny person is going to depend on me. I’m in charge of making said little person into a functioning adult and not a fuckin’ moron.” I’m still not entirely comfortable with this, but it is what it is and there’s no going back.
“Ma’s gonna love this,” he snorts.
“She’s gonna kick my ass. Sookie offered to go with me to tell my mom. You know the first thing she’s going to ask is when Sookie and I are getting married,” I sigh. “I don’t even think Sookie is talking to me at the moment.”
“What’d you do this time?”
“Hmm, told her I want to be involved with this baby and not just an afterthought… after I told her maybe we should start fucking regularly again. It came out all wrong and by the end of the argument we were yelling and door slamming and tire marks may have been left on the pavement in front of her job… it was a stupid argument.”
“Wait… You suggested that you start fucking the newly knocked up mother of your child, with whom you have a sordid history with, plus you have a current girlfriend, and you’re miffed that she’s not speaking to you? You’re lucky Ma’s not here or your head would be in serious danger.”
“It wasn’t my shiniest moment,” I chuckle. “I wasn’t really thinking when I offered it. And current girlfriend is history.”
“That was some epic dick thinkin’, son. As for Nora, I’m not surprised.”
“You know I always think with my dick when it comes to Sookie. She knows it too,” I point out. There’s a reason we fight so much, it’s not always my fault, but it usually is. “Nora wasn’t meant to last. She was fun, but she wasn’t willing to play second string to Sookie and Butterball, and I don’t blame her.”
“It’s probably best if you keep your dick dry for a while… Or I’ll sic Janice on you,” he threatens.
“You keep your crazy fuckin’ sister as far away from me as possible,” I say. “I’ll figure this shit out with Sookie. We’re going to have to get along with each other now that we’re going to be co-parents.”
“Or she’ll get a lawyer, go to court and get sole custody of the kid,” he shrugs. “I gotta say, I don’t see you with a kid.”
“Sookie wouldn’t do that to me. I’ve said some stupid shit, but I haven’t done anything to deserve getting my child taken away. I’m not on drugs or an alcoholic. My biggest flaw is not having a filter, that’s not enough to get a judge to take my baby from me,” I sigh. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. Sookie’s eating constantly so we’re calling the baby Butterball,” I chuckle. “I’m actually a little excited to see with the little stinker is going to look like and what kind of person he or she is going to be.”
“If it’s a boy are you gonna name it Dave?”
“What the fuck does everyone keep saying that for? I do not have a mancrush on Dave fuckin’ Navarro,” I grumble.
Al laughs and takes a swig from a beer I didn’t realize he had.
“Is Sookie sure there’s not like three of them in there? Talk about being eaten out of house and home,” he says.
“We only saw one little flickering heart beating,” I chuckle.
I still can’t put that moment into words. I’m sure Sookie and everyone else that knows thinks I’m going to fuck this off like I do with most people, but the second I saw that tiny little flashy orb I was done for. If Sookie had decided to terminate the pregnancy after that appointment I would’ve lost my shit. I sound like an asshole, but Sookie is the only girl I ever really cared for, which is why we’re still friends. I’ve wanted to be with her since the moment we met but she’s never had the time. We’ve tried the relationship thing a few times and it always ends up the same. She can’t take a fucking hour off to go have dinner with me and I get pissed at her, then she reminds me that I’m busy too and it snowballs into a big, huge fuckin’ fight that makes us stop talking for about a month before we’re back to calling each other every day.
“Janice said they can hide. She was convinced she was having twins for a while there. She was sure the other baby was hiding behind Magnus.”
“You do know your sister is an idiot, right? Believe me, no one was hiding. There’s plenty of room for Butterball to swim around and he’s way too small to hide a brother or sister or two.”
“I’m just saying.”
“We’ll see. She has another appointment in a few weeks,” I shrug. “I think it’s just my giant genes and her body needing so much fuel to create the baby. I’ve never seen one person eat as much as she’s been eating. It’s almost comical.”
“Don’t laugh,” he advises seriously. “I made the mistake of joking with Janice once and I still have occasional rectal bleeding.”
“I believe it,” I laugh. “I’m an idiot, but not that much of an idiot. I know it bothers her. She asked the doctor about going to the gym.”
“Well there’s your in, asshole.”
“Offer to go to the gym with her without offering to spot her tits or helping her into downward dog.”
“I think that’s what the baby making position was,” I chuckle. I got fuckin’ deep like that and her orgasm… fuck that felt good.
Al shakes his head. “So when are you going to get your shit together and propose to her?”
“You sound like Ma,” I snort. “I have to make her like me first. I don’t want to be with her for the sake of the baby and I don’t want her to think that’s why I want to be with her if that makes sense. For now I’m going to see what happens. She’s the only girl I’ve even been close to proposing to, so… I don’t know. I may or may not happen.” Mostly, I’m scared Sookie would laugh in my face.
“Ma’ll love that answer. Personally, I think you two getting married is a shitty idea.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, dickweed,” I say, shaking my head. “But, marriage is not on the horizon just yet. We need to work on being a team and maybe I will invite her to the gym with me.” She’ll probably say no, because she’s a stubborn asshole.
“Don’t try to fuck her,” he says.
“I’m not going to,” I reply. That’s the truth. If she wants to fuck, she’s making the first move.
“Good man.” All of a sudden he bursts out laughing. I mean big, belly laughs.
“What’s so funny?”
“The little guy doesn’t know yet, does he?” He’s got fuckin’ tears in his eyes. Fucker.
“Oh, fuck me running,” I laugh. “Nah, he hasn’t come in here to threaten me yet.” Sookie’s older brother has an epic case of little man syndrome. I tower over him and I’m certain as soon as he learns the news he’s going to come up here to have ‘The Talk’ with me. It’s going to be hilarious.
“Best get the step ladder out so you can be eye to eye,” he chuckles.
“I’ll do him a solid and stay seated.” We’ll probably be eye level then.
“At least he’s entertaining. He’s like a little Italian who just saw Rocky,” he laughs.
I double over laughing at that. Jason is a character, that’s for sure. He’s probably going to stomp into my office and demand I make an honest woman of his sister. It’s cute, really. He’s nearly a foot shorter than me but he weighs just about the same as me. He’s a fuckin’ meathead.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to contain the laugh when that happens,” I snort.
“Eh, just tell him to cool his ‘roid balls,” Alcide snorts. There’s no way Jason’s not juicing.
“Or offer him a creatine shake.”
“Seriously. Oh, and get that shit on video. I’m gonna need to see it.”
“I’ll try.” I have cameras set up in my office but they aren’t on. That’s the only way Sookie allowed me to fuck her in here… the several times that we have.
“Good. The cops might want it as evidence in case he really does rip your heart out through your asshole.”
I chuckle and say, “I’ll just remind him his sister keeps turning me down. I’ve offered.” I was trying to suggest more than sex the other day but it never actually came out.
“Yeah because she’s got good taste,” he snorts.
“Fuck you. When we’re good we’re great. We just seem to fuck it up. We can’t do that anymore. We have a new person to think of.”
“I’m glad you see that.”
“I’m growing up,” I smile. “I want what’s best for Butterball, and I want him to have parents that get along. I love Sookie, and I’m sure she loves me. We just need to figure out how to stop pushing each other’s buttons.”
“Might be our best bet,” I agree. “She’s going to have to pull the trigger. I’m going to do my best to stop pissing her off, though.”
“Good luck with that.”
“So when’s my bachelor party?”
“The weekend before, June 28th,” I answer. We’re going strip club hopping, unless you want something else?” I’m going to get a SUV limo to drive our drunk asses around.
“Fuck no. I have a free pass to the all I can eat titty buffet. I’m getting my money’s worth.”
I chuckle and say, “The other option is to fly out to Carson City.” That would be a fuck no from Maria.
“You take me to the Bunnyranch and your balls will be harder to find than Jason’s.”
I laugh at that. “That’s why I booked the limo and a VIP room with Summer as the entertainment,” I tell him. She’s one of our favorite strippers. She’s funny as hell and has a smokin’ hot body.
“I’d still pay good money to see her and your baby mama go at it.”
“Ain’t that the fuckin’ truth,” I agree. I’ve had that fantasy. I know that’s all it’ll ever be though. I can’t imagine Sookie would agree. I know Summer would be all in.
Al and I end up talking for another hour. I leave the bar earlier than normal. I miss Sookie. I know she’s going to kick me out but I end up going to her place when I go. I don’t have a key because she has a roommate, but he’s usually up to let me in. Which he is tonight. I’m quiet when I walk into the her room. I kick off my shoes but leave my clothes on so she knows I’m not trying to make a move. She’s sleeping hard, which is good. She doesn’t move when I slip into bed behind her and spoon up against her back with my hand on her belly. This is the kind of shit I crave. Just me and my tiny family together. Maybe one day. For now I close my eyes and drift off into my first restful sleep in days.