Chapter 8: The Truth
Staying away from Sookie isn’t easy. It used to be a turn-on to see how long I could stay away before I went crazy. Of course that was before I acknowledged that I want more than just sex. Sometimes I wish I would have kept all those feelings packed away neatly in a box and continued to pretend they don’t exist.
Now it’s been a week. Walking out like I did was painful but I didn’t have much of a choice. Sookie’s made it clear that she’s not be interested – at least not enough – in trying a serious relationship with me. Going on dates that aren’t dates would just be torture. Maybe it’s unfair to her but sitting through it, being so close to something I can’t have would just be painful for me. I don’t want to resent her.
We have a baby coming. I’ve been staring at the pictures she’s gave me, trying to figure out who the kid will look like. I went out and bought a book on pregnancy and all that. I don’t know anything about taking care of a baby. Sookie doesn’t either. If ever there were two people in need of a parenting class, it’s us. I also bought a book of baby names for Sookie.
She wanted us to go out but I think I’ll just drop off the book and make sure she’s feeling okay. I don’t want to abandon her between doctor’s appointments but I can’t do what we did the other night. All it does is make me want to shake her until she gets it. That’s not the way it’s supposed to be.
I can admit that I’m not the most emotionally mature guy out there, but I’m not completely emotionally retarded either. We’ve been through enough in our lives already without rubbing salt in our wounds. It’s better if we just focus on the kid.
When I pull up to her apartment her car is parked outside. The shades are closed, which is unusual. Sookie likes her sunlight. I get out of the car and go knock on the front door, book in hand.
It takes almost a full minute for her to get to the door. When she opens it she looks like hell. She hides behind the door as much as possible.
“Hi,” she says quietly.
“Are you okay?” I ask with concern. Her hair is ratty and greasy. She’s got bags under her eyes and she looks exhausted.
She shrugs, but doesn’t answer.
“What’s wrong?” Something is really wrong. Then it hits me. The baby. I feel like the earth has been sucked clean of all its oxygen. “Oh fuck. You didn’t miscarry, did you?”
“The baby is fine, Eric. I would’ve called you.” She takes a step back to open the door all the way before she turns to trudge back to the couch.
“Then what’s wrong?” I step inside the house and close the door. The air is stale and her couch is covered with her pillows and comforter. “Are you sick?”
“I don’t feel well. The morning sickness is all day sickness and my emotions are all over the place,” she sighs as she curls up under her covers again.
“Oh. Sorry.” I don’t know what else to say. I hold out the book of names for her to take. “I uh, I brought you something. I saw it the other day when I was looking at pregnancy books.”
She takes it but doesn’t look at it. “Thanks,” she says as she snuggles deeper into the blankets.
“Do you want me to go?” I don’t want to be in her space if she doesn’t want me here. At the same time I want to lift her off the couch and dump her in the shower because it’s obvious she hasn’t showered recently.
“I don’t care,” she frowns right before her bottom lip starts to wibble, signaling tears.
I pull her comforter off of her, which flips the switch from sad to mad.
“Stop,” she grumbles and turns her back to my pulling her pillow to her face.
“Nope.” I yank away her pillow too. “Get up, Sookie.”
She curls into a tighter ball.
Without hesitating I begin to loudly – and very off key – sing ‘Baby One More Time’ because she can’t stand Britney Spears. At all.
“Why do you hate me!” she yells over my singing as she covers her ears.
I ignore her and sing even louder. She’s either going to lose her mind or attack me. Either way she’ll get up and stop pouting.
“Show me how you want it to be,” I screech, making her flinch. I’ll apologize to the kid later.
Sookie stands up and pushes me in my chest, making me stumble back a little.
“Fuck you!” she yells. She turns her back and starts to strip her clothes off as he stomps to her bathroom, hopefully to shower.
It’s not the most conventional method but when I hear the water start, I know it worked. I didn’t even get to the third verse.
While Sookie cleans up I tidy the living room and start on a cheese omelet for her since don’t know when she ate last. She can be mad at me if she wants, but I’m not sorry I harassed her into the shower. I’m just putting two pieces of rye bread into the toaster for her when Sookie appears in clean clothes. Her hair is still wrapped in a towel.
“Hungry?” I motion to the omelet with cheese melting in it.
She nods and asks, “Why are you here? I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me.”
“I want everything to do with you,” I remind her. “But that’s not the way you want it. At the same time you’re carrying my kid. It’s in my best interest to make sure you’re okay because if you’re not okay, neither is the kid.”
I slide the omelet onto a plate and her toast pops up. That shouldn’t be too tough on her stomach. Hopefully Junior doesn’t reject it.
“It’s not what you think, Eric. It’s not that I don’t want the things you want; I’m just going through a really hard time right now. Clearly.” She motions to the couch.
“I’m sorry you are. I don’t really know how to help you with that in a way that won’t make things worse.” I give her the plate and pull out a chair for her at the table.
“Right now, I don’t either,” she sighs as she takes the offered seat. “Thanks.”
Without asking her if she wants me to, I go to the bathroom for her hairbrush and then take the towel off her head to comb her hair for her while she eats. I don’t know what to say but I’ll feel weird just standing around doing nothing.
“Thanks,” she says again, this time with a sniffle. She sets her fork down and covers her face with her hands as she starts to cry.
“Sookie, what’s going on?” I stop brushing her hair.
“Everything,” she sobs.
I sigh, set down the brush and pull her out of her chair to hug her. Seeing her so upset is no fun. I hug her tightly and rub her back.
She hugs me back and nuzzles her face into my chest as she cries. She lets go after a couple minutes and walks back to her bedroom. When she comes back she has an envelope that she hands to me.
“This is the biggest problem,” she sniffs.
I look at her curiously and then open the manila envelope. My eyes go wide at the neat arrangement of a lot of cash. More than Sookie should have, anyway.
“Why is this a problem?” I ask her. Upon closer inspection I realize I’m holding ten grand. Holy shit.
“Caroline Compton gave me that,” she admits, wiping her tears. “If I follow through with her plan I get another half million.”
My stomach drops. This can’t be leading anywhere good.
“What’s her plan?” I’m not sure I want to know, but I have to know.
“I don’t think you want to know,” she sighs. She takes my hand so she can lead me to the couch.
“Probably not,” I sigh. “But whatever you’re doing my kid is too.”
“I’m doing it for our child. That kind of money would set him or her up for life,” she says, rubbing her belly, which I notice is starting to poke out a little. “If it wasn’t for our little jellybean, I would’ve said no the second she suggested it… it’s also why I can’t be with you…”
“Sookie, what are you doing?” My telepathy is on the fritz indefinitely. I don’t know what she’s doing but it must be bad if she’s so upset.
She reaches forward to take my hand and says, “You know you’re the only person I’ve ever trusted.” She’s stalling.
“I didn’t, actually, but I’m happy you trust me,” I answer honestly. “Look, Sookie, whatever it is, you can tell me.” I’m pretty open-minded.
She takes a deep breath before blurting out, “She wants me to give him a Viagra and then have sex with him, hoping it kills him. I don’t know why it might kill him and she won’t tell me. She just wants me to… and she’s going to give me a half million dollars to do it…”
I’m stunned. I’m also a little pissed that Sookie’s going along with this.
“And you agreed to do it?” I’m trying to stay calm.
She nods but doesn’t say anything else. Tears are streaming down her face again.
I sigh heavily.
“So you’re still sleeping with Bill.”
“Once,” she admits. “I’ve been sick to my stomach every day since and I don’t think it’s the morning sickness. What you walked in on today is the state I’ve been in since I walked out of that hotel room.”
I sigh again and start pacing her living room. I don’t know what to say about this either. I’m not her boyfriend so I have no right to be jealous. I am anyway, of course. Morally, I should probably turn her in. Bill Compton is a piece of shit but should he die for it? But then I can’t turn Sookie in.
This is the definition of being caught between a rock and a hard place.
“So you’re a hitman and a whore now?” I say without thinking.
She leans forward and starts sobbing harder. She mumbles something but she’s crying too hard for me to understand her.
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” I mutter. I didn’t mean for that to come tumbling out of my mouth. Even if it is true.
She sits up to look at me again and says, “Now do you see why I can’t be with you? I want to; I’m a horrible person though. I’m not good enough… I’m already the worst mother in the world.”
I kneel down in front of her and grip her chin gently so she has to look at me.
“Sookie, you’re doing what you need to do to make a better life for yourself and your kid. It’s not the ideal path and I wouldn’t suggest that you make a career of it, but I understand what you’re doing. Do I wish you weren’t? Yes, because I’m a selfish shit who wants you all to myself. I want you to be safe and not planning your defense if you get caught.”
“The baby is the only reason I’m doing this,” she whispers. “I wouldn’t think twice about walking away from Caroline otherwise… Am I going to have a chance with you after this is all said and done with?” she asks quietly.
I drop my hand and sit back on my feet. I’ve been with a lot of shady people in my life. I’ve done questionable things and while I was in the Marines I took a few lives while I was in Iraq. It wasn’t personal to me like this is, though. A life is still lost. Is there a difference in the end?
“I guess we have another thing in common,” I say. “Killers for hire, only my employer was the government.”
She nods, wiping her tears again.
“Even if I back out the ten grand is mine to keep,” she says. “And Bill asked me to marry him… of course I said no and almost puked on him,” she blurts.
“Do you want to back out?” I ask her.
Sookie nods again. “A half million dollars is a lot to walk away from, though. It’s more than I’ll ever make in my life. I didn’t graduate high school, the only skill I have is dancing. I want the baby to have all the things I didn’t and I won’t be able to provide anything if I don’t do… something.”
I want to tell her I’ll take care of her, that I can make sure she has everything and our kid will always be safe, warm, loved and all the other things we never had. I also know that she needs to feel like she’s not dependent on anyone, like she’s got control of her own life. This is absolutely not the ideal way to find that freedom, but I get it.
Since we’re both confessing things, my own comes rushing out of my mouth.
“I love you, Sookie,” I tell her.
I’m sitting here telling him I’m planning to kill a guy in a week with sex and he’s telling me he loves me?
“Are you crazy? I’m not worth loving, Eric. I’m–”
“I love you,” he repeats after covering my mouth. “You can try to talk me out of it but it’s not going to work. I know it’s cheesy as fuck, but I knew the second I saw you staring at those pillowcases that I was supposed to meet you. Then you didn’t slap me when I talked to you. You laughed and that was probably it. Right there. That’s once in a lifetime Sookie.”
I’m speechless. I knew he cared about me. Eric’s made that pretty obvious, but the only people that ever told me they love me were my Gran before she passed and any of the men that abused me. Eric has never done that. He’s been kind and selfless with me. I can’t say I love him back just yet, but I know he makes me feel things I’ve never felt. Not even for Bill Compton’s money.
“What… what do we do from here?” I rasp. My voice is creaky from the morning sickness and crying.
“It’s your call. I’m not going to abandon you.”
Which is what I felt like he’s done until he showed up earlier.
“I won’t cheat, which is why I can’t be with you… even though I want to.” I’m happy to be able to tell him why I’ve had to turn him down.
“Are you going to stop talking to me again until this is over and done with?” I ask. If I’m around him I know I’m going to want to go back to how we were. I don’t know if he wants that. Once Bill is gone I’ll be his a hundred percent. If this fails, I’ll break things off with Bill for good and tell Caroline to find someone else to do her dirty work.
“I was keeping my distance. Self-preservation,” he explains. “I almost called you like a hundred times.”
“I would’ve just cried on the phone,” I chuckle humorlessly. “I might have to find a new job. I haven’t been to work in a week.”
“Can you answer phones?”
“Yeah,” I nod.
“Can you use a computer?”
“Um… a little,” I nod again. I have a laptop but I don’t go on it much. “I’m a surprisingly fast learner, why?”
“Because I might know some people who could help you find a job. You know, with maternity leave and sick days.”
I look at him stunned for a moment.
“I know a lot of people, Sookie. I can ask around and see if there are openings locally. I did security for a moving and storage company not too long ago that might be good for you. It’s a family business but they’re stable and from what I can tell they treat their employees pretty good,” he says.
I’m floored. No one has ever offered to do something like this for me. I’ve had plenty of men offer to sweep me off my feet and turn me into a trophy wife, but never flat out offer to help me take care of myself.
“Okay,” I agree. I start to wrap my arms around him and the stop, not sure if we’re at the hugging stage right now, since he knows I’m set up to be a hitman.
“A hug? That’s all you’ve got?”
“I would offer you a blowjob, but I don’t know if we’re there yet,” I joke, offering him my first smile in a week.
“You’re pregnant with my kid. We’re at the seeing things come out of your vag–”
I stop him with a kiss. I wrap my arms around his neck and press my lips hard against his as I push him back some so he’s sitting on the floor. My legs wrap around his waist as I sit on his lap and slowly lick the seam of his lips, seeking entry.
Eric gives it to me and wraps his hands around my hips to pull me closer. I can’t stop my hips from moving back and forth against him. Our lips dance as I tighten my arms around his neck. This is the good stuff. This is what I need for a long, long time. Just Eric.
“Are you going to stop me?” I ask as I reach down to unbutton his jeans. I wasn’t kidding about the blowjob.
“No,” he replies.
I smile against his lips as I sit up on my knees so I can scoot back. Eric reluctantly releases my hips and leans back on his hands while he watches me open his pants enough to pull his thickening cock out. I don’t hesitate to engulf his entire length in my mouth. He’s not hard yet so I’m able to play with him in my mouth, rolling my tongue around the soft skin as he gets harder so I have to pull back some.
“Fuck, I missed you, Sookie,” he says.
“Mmm, I missed you too,” I say before I take his head back into my mouth. I run my tongue around the ridge before slithering my flattened tongue up and down his length as I start to bob. I pull his heavy sac out so I can caress him as I suck his dick.
“God, that’s good,” he hisses. His fingers curl in my hair to guide my head up and down but he doesn’t move. Eric lets me take my time and move at my own pace.
I stay slow for a while. One of the best things about sucking Eric’s cock is that he rarely tries to direct me. For that I look up at him and when he hits the back of my throat, where my gag reflex would be, I reveal that I don’t have a problem swallowing him. There are tears stinging my eyes but the full feeling of his thick head sliding in and out of my throat makes my pussy clench.
“Oh fuuuuck,” Eric growls. “You’ve been holding out on me, Lover.”
“Mmhmm,” I hum. I don’t do this for just anyone. I continue to make the swallow motion to massage his cock before pulling all the way off to breathe. “You like?”
“Uh huh.” He’s got stars in his eyes.
If he didn’t already love me, he would now. I go back to work bobbing and sucking. I take him down my throat again when I feel him starting to pulse between my lips. I give his balls a little tug and slowly take his entire length so my lips are at his base. Not an easy feat with someone Eric’s size.
“Holy fuck… I’m gonna cum,” he warns me. He never cums this fast.
I hum and start moving my head slowly so he can feel my lips and tongue gliding along his shaft. I can feel my juices running down my inner thigh so I reach down into my shorts to rub my clit as he starts to cum.
“Yessss! Fuuuuck!” he roars as his release hits the back of my throat.
“Mmm,” I hum as I swallow his cum. I keep sucking, pulling back until his head pops out of my mouth. My fingers are still on my pussy, rubbing my clit. I drop my head onto his thigh while I continue to play with myself.
“That was… If I could go down on you without risking our kid…” he pants.
“I know,” I breathe as I rub my clit faster. I’m sure he can see my hand moving. I don’t think he can move though.
“Want a hand?” he offers.
“Uh huh,” I agree. He’s magic with his hands.
Eric pulls me upright and closer by my hips. He let’s my fingers stay where they are while two of his slide into me from underneath.
“Fuck, you’re so wet,” he groans.
“That’s what sucking your dick does to me,” I tell him. He’s probably never felt me this wet. I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones or the feelings that are starting to grow for him, but this is insane.
“I think you need more.” Eric slips a third finger into me, stretching me perfectly.
“Oh, fuck,” I moan. “I want you to get hard again.” I want to fuck him so bad right now. Ugh. My walls are already fluttering around his fingers. “Jesus, how are you so fucking good at that?”
“Practice?” he smirks and curls his fingers just right.
“Fuck,” I growl. I wrap my hand around his shaft, pumping to get him hard again. My hips start to move in slow circles on their own accord. “I’m gonna cum…” I don’t remember the last time I came this fast.
“Do it,” he says. “Cum hard all over my hand so you can ride my cock and cum again.”
“Oh fuck, yes sir,” I pant, dropping my head back. I cum within seconds with a small roar as my body starts to shake and jerk with the aftershocks.
“Perfect,” he whispers. He keeps stroking me through my orgasm.
I wrap my arms around his neck and shift up his thighs. I reach down to feel he’s hard enough and pull his hand out before I slide down his cock, grinding against him when he’s fully sheathed inside of me.
“You’re so fucking big, baby,” I pant.
He paints my lips with my cum and then kisses me hard. His hands settle on my ass to help me rise and fall. I stay slow as we kiss. I can feel every one of Eric’s emotions pouring into the kiss. This is what it feels like to be loved. Truly loved by a good man.
All of the emotion gets to me and I can feel tears start to trickle down my face. They aren’t sad tears, for once they’re happy.
“I love you,” he whispers.
I wrap my arms tighter around his neck. I can’t tell him I love him yet and I don’t know if he should be saying it, given what I still have to do in a week or whenever Bill is coming back to town.
I pull my head back and cup his face so I can look into his eyes as I slowly bounce up and down. I feel like I have to say something back, but I don’t know what. I hope the look I’m giving him says whatever it is.
His hands move to my tits and he tugs on my sensitive nipples, making me cry out just a little at the pain.
“It hurts a little,” I breathe. “It’s a good pain, though.”
Eric lies back and brings me down with him. He holds my hips steady and thrusts up quickly, his swollen tip brushing my sweet spot every time.
“Oh, fuck!” I cry out. It’s not going to take long for me to cum again like this. I can feel my walls gripping, trying to keep his cock in me. “Faster,” I pant.
He goes faster and harder, probably creating bruises on my inner thighs. Eric watches my tits bounce as he pounds into me. His left hand goes to my throat while the right slaps my ass hard.
“Yesyesyesyesyes!” I chant as I fall over the edge, my legs immediately turning to jelly. He grips my throat tighter to hold me up. If he was to let me go I’d drop like a ragdoll.
“Mmm… I love watching you cum,” he says and I get another slap on the ass.
“I’ll cum for you as much as you want,” I promise. “I’ll want to feel you cum though.”
“It’s going to be a while,” he informs me.
“Then you’re going to need to be on top.” I can barely hold myself up right now.
“Hands and knees, Lover.”
I climb off of him and instead of going to my hands and knees; I bend over the edge of the couch to hold myself up.
“Will this do?” I ask, wiggling my ass.
“Perfect.” Instead of filling me again I feel his flattened tongue going up and down my slit and his hands on my ass, holding me still.
“Eric!” I cry out. He just said he didn’t want to go down on me, apparently that went right to the window. “Don’t stop.”
His tongue keeps moving at the same rate, staying nice and flat, tasting me with every lick. Eric groans and gives me another slap on my ass. He waits until I’m on the edge again to straighten up and drive into me as deep as he can.
I cry out his name again. His hips grind against me for a moment before he pulls back and drives in again. Hard. He keeps going like this for what feels like hours, pulling two more orgasms from me before he’s even close. My walls pulsing around his cock are gently massaging and milking him.
“Cum for me, baby,” I pant. My legs are shaky and I’m sure my ass is bright red.
“Where do you want it?” he pants.
“In me.” It’s not like he can get me pregnant again. “I need to feel it so bad, Eric.”
His thrusts become erratic and his grabs my hair roughly. “Yes… Yes… Fuuuuuck!” Eric roars and fills my pussy with his hot release.
That pulls one last orgasm from me. I let out a small whimper as I shift forward on the couch. Eric stays buried in me as he falls forward, trapping me in my spot.
“Perfect,” I whisper. I feel his hot breath fanning my hair as he pants.
“I love you,” he says again. “I’m going to keep saying it until you believe it.”
“Okay,” I breathe. I’m not going to be able to stop him anyway. I take his hand and slide it around to my belly so he can feel it. I don’t know if he’s really paid much attention to the fact that I’m showing a little.
“Is this the nugget or are you getting pudgey?”
“It’s the jellybean,” I giggle.
“Wow. That’s… pretty awesome.”
“It’s weird I don’t think my middle has ever been this big,” I say as he rubs my belly.
“Then you’ll really be tripping in seven months. Hey! You can be a pumpkin for Halloween,” he teases.
“You’re funny,” I snort and he helps me shift onto the couch.
“It’d be cute.”
“We’ll see,” I sigh. Eric lies down next to me and rests his hand on my belly. “You really brought me a name book? You weren’t even talking to me.”
“I bought some books about pregnancy and childbirth. I figured if you already had one I’d keep it. I’m trying to get educated.”
“I’ve been so caught up in this Bill shit I haven’t even thought about it. My doctor gave meme some information, but the book will be helpful.”
“Did you have somewhere else to be?” I whisper, running my fingers through his hair.
“Nowhere important,” he replies.
“Good.” I kiss his head. “I’ve been laying on this couch for a week, but it’s way better with you.”
“If we’re just going to lay here I could call Jackson and see what he’s got available,” Eric offers.
“Okay,” I agree. “I need to tell Claude I’m done at Hiphugger. I wouldn’t even look good in my costume.”
“Now who’s crazy?” Eric puts my hand on his cock. “Got me going, didn’t you?”
“You have a pregnant girl fetish?” I ask, arching an eyebrow.
“I have an awesome tits fetish,” he smirks.
“You think these are nice?” I push one of my tits up, dipping my head to flick my nipple with my tongue.
“Awesome. I said awesome.”
“Hmm, I guess.”
“Deal with it,” he shrugs.
“You’re the one that has to deal with it,” I say and turn to kiss the tip of his nose.
“With you being wrong? Yes, I do.”
“Baby, you’ll learn I’m never wrong,” I snort.
“You’re adorable,” he snickers. Under his breath he adds, “And wrong.”
I reach over to tickle his side. I don’t know if he’s ticklish, but I guess I’ll need to learn things like this.
“Never wrong,” I growl and move to straddle his waist.
“You drive me crazy. I just can’t sleep–” I cut off his screeching.
My hand is over his mouth and I giggle when I feel his tongue flick out over my palm. I don’t know what in the hell happened tonight, but things with Eric are going to be weird for me for a while. Especially with the Bill and Caroline situation.
“Are you going to stay with me tonight?” I ask when I move my hand.
“I’m a slaaaaave for you–”
I clamp my hand over his mouth again.
“Maybe you should go,” I giggle.
If nothing else, this will be fun. Eric knows how to drive me insane and I adore that about him. He’s sweet, caring, funny and sexy as hell. He’s going to be the best baby daddy ever.