“Beer?” I asked Dawson. We were at the shop, which was closing up. I’d already dropped Josie off with her mom so I was back to boring bachelor that was supposed to be looking for a girlfriend according to my eight-year-old.
“Hit me,” he said.
I cracked one open as I walked over to hand it to him. I wasn’t sure if Sookie had told him about the Aude debacle so I asked, “Did Sookie tell you I had to fire Aude?”
“No she didn’t. Why’d you fire her?”
“She saw me checking out Sookie’s tattoo and lost her shit,” I told him. “She tried to attack me.”
“What the fuck? Why would she give a sh– You fucked her!”
“I was drunk!” I argued. “I barely remember going home with her. She did give me head in the cab though.”
“She swallowed my entire dick. She was a fuckin’ pro. Too bad she’s a fucking fruit loop,” I chuckled.
Tray shook his head.
“What’s in your jizz that makes them nuts? Actually, I wonder how long it’ll be before she comes out–”
“Fuck you!” I laughed. I was never going to live down marrying a lesbian. I’d stopped getting mad at Tray fucking with me years before. “The fucked up part was we talked about it when I woke up next to her. I told her I fucked up and it was nothing but a one nighter. She seemed cool until she saw me touching another chick.”
“You gotta stop dipping your pen in company ink,” he laughed. “You’re going to get sued someday.”
“I’ve fucked two girls, that’s it. Hell, I married one of them. Believe me, I’ve learned my lesson. Oh, that reminds me.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out four hundred bucks to hand to Dawson. “I’m never fucking her, but man I’ve wanted to.” I handed him the money.
“That’s good.” He took the money. “She fucked the new guy last night anyway.”
“Good for her,” I shrugged. I could feel my stomach turn. Fuck, I didn’t want to think about her with anyone else… no. Stop thinking like that Eric.
“Apparently he was hung.” Fucker.
“More than I want to know about the dude my employee is fucking,” I replied nonchalantly. I took a long drink of my beer.
“More than I wanted to know about your employee. Thankfully she got the house so I won’t have to peel my wife away from the guest room,” he chuckled.
“Good for her,” I smiled. I was actually proud of that accomplishment. I hadn’t talked to her since she had Sunday off. “Thankfully she doesn’t have anything to move other than clothes.” She would be asking us to move it if she did have furniture.
“She’s got some stuff coming from New York but it’ll go in storage or in the garage at the house until she closes on her place. Her house is three blocks from yours you know?”
“I didn’t know. She said she was looking at it but didn’t tell me where it was.” If she didn’t stick with the new fucker we’d probably start hanging out more. That didn’t bother me at all. “She came over the other night and made dinner for me and Jo. Did you know she can sew?”
“Had no clue. You two trading housekeeping tips, Alice?” he snickered.
“Fuck off. She made Josie an Elsa apron, dick.”
“Elsa?” He so didn’t have kids.
“She’s a Disney character. You’ll learn all this shit when you knock up Ames,” I smiled.
“Nope. My kids are watching Transformers, Thundercats and cartoons that don’t suck,” he said adamantly.
“I hope you have all girls and they only want princess shit,” I told him.
“I hope Sookie gets knocked up with Horse Cock’s kid.”
“If that’s what she wants,” I shrugged.
“You just handed me four Benjamins. Do not try to play cool.”
“Okay, I like the girl, but she’s my employee. We’re friends, and that’s all. I already fucked off my rule when I had one too many shots of Fireball; I’m not fucking around again.” I was serious.
“Well maybe you’ll get lucky and she’ll quit her job,” Tray suggested.
“I doubt it. It’s fine though, it’s a crush, that’s it. Josie has been on me about finding a girlfriend. Maybe Amelia has another hot friend that’s sweet and sexy,” I smiled.
“Ha! No, most of my wife’s friends are like Dawn,” he told me.
“Well, fuck,” I chuckled. Dawn was a nice girl but fucking obsessed with sex… like multiple partners in one day obsessed. I wasn’t into that kinda shit.
“What does the kid know anyway? You’ve been doing just fine without some chick fucking things up for you. Jo’s never seen you with a girlfriend anyway. I bet the charm would run out real fuckin’ fast for her when she figured out you like snuggling with the girlfriend more.”
“The best part was she said when she’s over the girlfriend could stay at a hotel,” I snorted. “I just need to get laid more often. Apparently I’m grumpy according to Jennifer.” I just hated Jennifer.
“Grumpy might be a bit of a stretch…”
“Oh I know. She also asked Sookie to be my girlfriend,” I chuckled. “And Sookie got her to ask for cauliflower.”
“Did she put drugs in the apron?” Tray knew Jo hated vegetables.
“No. She was really good with Jo, which made her that much more attractive. Maybe I should fire her?”
“You could but you’d have to take a contract out on Horse Cock,” he pointed out.
“Shit, you’re right. I’ll wait until he fucks her over and then offer her a shoulder to cry on, how’s that?” I wasn’t going to fire her or try to split her up from the dickface she was dating if it was that serious.
“Picking the weak one from the herd. I like it.”
I laughed and said, “You know I’m not going to make a move. Like I said, it’s just a crush. It’ll pass.”
“Yeah, probably.” He took a drink of his beer.
Before I could say anything in response my phone chimed. I pulled it out of my pocket. Dawson knew who it was by the stupid grin that spread across my face. Sookie.
“Should have bet a grand,” he muttered.
“I already gave you more than what you wanted, dick,” I chuckled before reading the message.
Sookie: I got the house. Looks like we’ll be almost neighbors.
Me: Congratulations! We should celebrate.
I was fucked.
Sookie: I would love to!
Me: Well I know you’re off tomorrow… if you don’t have plans tonight maybe we can grab a drink?
“Eric and Sookie sittin’ in a… Oh never mind. He’s too lame to make a move.”
Sookie: Sure! Name the time and place.
“I’m not breaking the rule and you know my track record. She’ll either become a lesbian or turn into a fuckin’ bunny boiler.”
Me: We can meet at my place at seven. I’ll drive us up to the bar.
“Then there’s only one option: castration. Nip it at the source.”
“Why am I still friends with you?” I asked seriously. My balls tried crawling back into my body at the thought.
“Because I’m a sexy beast,” he answered just as seriously.
Sookie: I’ll be there. Which bar? I just need to know how to dress.
Me: Depends on if you want to take the bike or not. Most likely Firehouse though.
“Dude, your sexiness only matters to Amelia,” I reminded him.
“That may be true but only one of us is getting laid regularly, so…”
That was true.
“I’m going to Firehouse tonight. Maybe I’ll pick up a chick I don’t work with.” Not likely since I was going with Sookie.
“Bullshit. Another hundred bucks says you end up going home with Sookie in spite of your rules.”
“I’ll take that bet, shitstain.”
“I think my five hundred bucks is a good down payment for a new big screen.” Tray took another drink of his beer.
I was confident I wasn’t going to sleep with Sookie so I offered, “If I fuck Sookie tonight I’ll buy your new big screen.”
I looked at the clock. “I should get going. I have a non-date to get ready for.” Shit, for all I knew she’d be bringing Horse Cock.
“Yep. Go put your face on, Alice.”
“I’ll see you later,” I chuckled. I got up from my seat and went to my truck. It was almost five and I wanted to eat dinner and shower before Sookie showed up.
Seven o’clock on the dot my doorbell rang. I was dressed and ready. My hat was even taking a backseat for the night. I downed the last of my beer and walked over to answer the door.
As expected it was Sookie. She looked gorgeous, as per usual.
“Come on in,” I smiled as I opened the door all the way.
“Thanks,” she said as she stepped inside.
“I decided to take the truck if I’m going to be drinking,” I told her. “Want a beer?” It was still early; the bar would’ve been dead.
“When do you get the keys to the house?” I asked as we moved toward the kitchen where my keys were.
“The sellers don’t mind a quick possession. Probably the week after this one? I haven’t gotten a date yet since it’s Sunday.”
“Nice, well, congratulations.” I wanted to hug her but I didn’t know if we were hugging friends. “Wanna get going?”
I motioned for Sookie to follow me through the kitchen to the garage. I opened the truck door for her to get in. My eyes stayed on her ass the whole time. It was a nice one. I closed the door behind her then moved around to the driver side.
“Where is the place? We can drive by on the way to the bar,” I offered.
“If you go south down the street to the corner it’s two blocks east on the corner. It’s the yellow house,” she told me.
I pulled out of the garage, closing it behind me. I followed the directions to the townhouse. It took about a minute to get there. We were definitely neighbors.
“It’s cute,” I smiled as I parked out front. “You excited to be on your own finally?”
“Yes! God, you have no idea,” she laughed. “I’ve never lived alone so this will be interesting.”
“Well, I’ll be close if you ever get scared. If you need a snuggle Jo and Dimples are great at it,” I chuckled. I wanted to ask her about her date… that was able to wait.
“You know, Jo told me I have her permission to be your girlfriend,” Sookie informed me.
“That was kind of her,” I smiled. “You’re going on dates with men. I didn’t know I had a shot.”
“According to you, you don’t,” Sookie said. “And it was one date with one guy.”
“How did it go?” I asked.
“Good,” she smiled.
“Are you going to see him again?” I asked curiously. I liked Sookie a lot and if she could prove not to be a maniac I would date her. I knew she wasn’t going to work at the café forever.
“Tomorrow night. His place is out by Black Mountain so we’re going hiking in the park around sunset.”
“So that’s going to be two dates,” I winked. “What is this now? Are we two friends going for drinks or is it a date?” I knew what I wanted it to be.
The look on her face told me she was confused by my question.
“Why would this be a date?” Sookie asked.
“We were on the subject and you mentioned that Jo said you could be my girlfriend,” I said. “I was just clearing up any confusion for myself.”
“I brought it up because I thought you should know that’s where her head is. I don’t know where she got that idea from but since you’re her dad I thought you should know that she said something to me, that’s all.”
“Thank you. I don’t know where she got the idea that need a girlfriend so bad from.” I put my truck into drive and pulled away from the curb. “She knows you and I are friends. That’s all.”
“I might deny this later if you ask me, but it’s too bad about your rule. I don’t think I’d say no if you asked me out,” she revealed.
“What if I said I’d be willing to bend the rule for you?” I asked. Hell, I’d fucked my manager. The rules had gone out the window the second Aude’s lips touched my dick.
“I might say third time’s a charm,” she replied. “Or I might say you had your chance. I’m not sure.”
“How would you like to go on a date with me right now?” I asked as I made a left turn.
“Depends on what your answer is,” I chuckled.
Sookie smiled and said, “I’ve never been the two guys at once type of girl. I know I’ve tried a lot of new things lately but I don’t know if juggling guys is something I want to try.”
“That’s fine,” I shrugged. I didn’t know anything about Horse Cock, but I spent more time with her. I didn’t have high hopes for her sticking with him. He was a rebound.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m all over the place today,” she apologized.
“Sookie, it’s fine. Maybe you can be my wingman tonight and we can find a girl for me to take home?” I suggested.
“I can do that.”
“Thanks. You’ll probably be a fuckload better than Dawson. We all know what happens when I pick my own girls,” I chuckled.
“They start out sane,” she giggled.
“I can’t help it if I’m just that good.”
“Amelia said you need to start hypnotizing them with helicopter dick so they don’t go nuts,” she told me.
I laughed and said, “See? We can’t date. I like you sane.”
“Tray said it would be hard to do with an innie.”
“I’d offer to show you, but that’s bad form for a non-date.” Or a real date unless she asked for it.
“It’s okay. You have a kid so I assume Tray’s just jealous,” she winked.
“That’s an understatement. I don’t know what Amelia sees in him. He has a shitty personality and a two inch cock.”
“Yeah well he made coffee come out my nose,” she said.
“Shit, that is something,” I snorted.
We teased each other for the rest of the drive. I knew that Sookie was attracted to me after that conversation, but I knew I didn’t have a shot with her as long as she was dating the guy. I hated to say it, but I didn’t have high hopes for that relationship. I’d done the rebound thing. It never lasted. I wasn’t going to be buying Tray a TV, but that was fine. The friendship we had was good enough for me.