A few days later I’m just getting home from work when my phone rings in my purse. I manage to dig it out while I unlock the door. I’ve left Eric in my phone as Schmoopy. I haven’t seen him since Saturday but we’ve talked and texted a little bit. I like him. He’s adorable, for starters, but he’s also easy to talk to which is nice.
“Hello, Schmoopy,” I greet him as I walk into my apartment. I have the place to myself until next weekend since Dawn is currently away on business. I love that she travels so much for work.
“Sugar bear, how was work?” he asks and I can hear the smile in his voice.
“Pretty awesome. I got to see some famous people today.” I’m an assistant at a casting agency so it’s not unusual to see celebrity clients walk in at any time.
“Oooh, anyone I might know?”
“Oh yes, and she definitely had some work done recently. By some I mean a lot, and by a lot I mean her tits, nose, chin and a metric fuck ton of lipo,” I tell him.
“Are you going to give me names, or keep it at descriptions?”
“I’m sure there are pictures on the internet already,” I say as I close the door. “I’m also sure you’ve heard of Amelia Broadway.”
A sex tape of hers “leaked” last year when her career was in the shitter.
“Ahhh, she looks like a shitty lay,” he chuckles. “What are you doing tonight?”
I grin when an idea strikes me.
“I’m getting a bootleg copy of that sex tape and you’re going to come over and watch it with me so we can laugh at her,” I tell him.
“And your address is…”
I laugh and give him my address. He obviously hasn’t been here before and when I look around, I’m glad I cleaned two days ago. Dawn’s a bit of a pig so the place is always cleaner when she’s out of town.
“You bring the beer and I’ll order the pizza,” I suggest.
“Works for me. Dark or light? You were drinking vodka and Fireball, so I don’t know what beer you like,” he says and I can hear his front door close.
“Surprise me. I don’t really know much about beer. If I don’t like it, there’s more for you and I can drink wine.”
“Alrighty. I’ll see you in a few,” he says and hangs up.
I have the pizza place’s number saved in my phone since I’m a pretty regular customer, and it’s not until I’m on hold that I realize I didn’t ask what he likes on his pizza. Everyone likes pepperoni though, right? I take a gamble and order an extra large half pepperoni half veggie, and then toss my purse back in my bedroom. I straighten a few things up and just as I’m finally taking my shoes off, my buzzer sounds.
“What’s the secret password?” I ask when I press the speaker button.
“He who holds the pickle squeezes the squash,” Eric says into the intercom.
I laugh and say, “Close enough.”
I push the enter button for a good ten seconds because the door sticks sometimes. I leave the front door open for him and then grab my phone to text a friend who I know has a copy of the tape he can email to me.
“So, when you woke up this morning I bet you didn’t think you’d end up watching bad porn at my place,” I say when I step out of my bedroom to find Eric taking off his shoes.
“What? I’ve been counting on it,” he grins and holds up a case of Dos Equis and a paper sack.
“You were counting on an invitation to watch porn at my place?” I quirk an eyebrow and lead him to the kitchen.
“Specifically bad porn,” he corrects me. “And I brought ice cream.”
“Ice cream is good, unless you’re planning on making Dos Equis floats. In which case I think you’re already drunk.”
“No, ma’am, you only make beer floats with Guinness.”
“Gross,” I crinkle my nose.
“I’ll make you try it one day. I’m sure you’ll love it,” he tells me as he sets two bottles on the counter before putting the rest away in the fridge, followed by putting the ice cream away.
“Don’t get your hopes up,” I say over my shoulder when my phone pings.
Lafayette has responded favorably and there’s an attachment to his response.
“We’re in! Lafayette came through!” I call out and go to my bedroom to retrieve my laptop.
“Win!” he yells back.
I get my laptop booted up and take it to the living room to set it on the coffee table. I really don’t need to see what’s going on in that video on my 42” flat screen, thank you very much. Eric hands me a beer and takes a seat on the couch next to me.
“Alright, I would suggest we make bets but since I’ve seen this before it’s not really fair.” I take a drink of the beer and it’s not bad. Not my favorite thing in the world, but not bad.
“I’ve seen bits of it,” he says and puts his arm on the back of the couch behind my head as he takes a drink of his own beer.
“Then you know how necessary the beer is,” I chuckle and lean forward to start the ‘movie’.
“That’s why I brought a twelve pack,” he snickers.
I turn the volume up and try not to cringe when Amelia starts to strip in a way that I guess she thinks is seductive but mostly she looks like a train wreck.
“Is that supposed to be a striptease?” Eric asks. “You said she had work done right? Because here she looks like a little boy.”
“Yeah she went from Amelia Two Backs to Amelia Jugs-A-Plenty,” I tell him. Seriously, I’m all for wanting your body to be in proportion but she went way too big with the implants.
“Is it a shitty job? There’s nothing worse than bad tits,” he sighs and takes another drink. “Except maybe this.”
“Well she went too big so it’s like Tori Spelling Syndrome where you can see her skin is like dimpled because of it,” I explain.
“Oh, eww,” he says scrunching his nose. “How are your tits under there?” he asks seriously and I have to smack his hand away when he tugs my shirt.
“Dimple free and homegrown, thank you very much.”
“Very good to know,” he grins before turning back to the video. “Did she just call him ‘Daddy’?” Eric asks with disgust in his voice.
“That’s all she calls him,” I snicker. “It’s really creepy when we get to the anal portion.”
“How many times have you watched this?” he asks, cocking an eyebrow at me.
“This makes two, but it’s not something you’re going to forget anytime soon, believe me.”
“Clearly,” he says before downing the rest of his beer.
“Mmm… you like that vajizzle, don’t you Daddy?” Amelia coos in the video and Eric nearly chokes on his beer.
“I should have told you to be careful when you drink,” I laugh and end up with my head pressed against his chest while I try to get my shit together.
Eric’s hand drops from the back of the couch to rub up and down my back. I can hear his chest rumbling with his own laughter.
“You promised me porn, not comedy,” he laughs while holding me with one arm.
“I’m not sorry,” I keep laughing and lift my head to wipe my tears off my cheeks from laughing so hard. The video is just so awful.
“At least it’s not giving me a boner, making things awkward,” he chuckles.
“They could definitely use this video for deforesting,” I agree and make the mistake of looking at the screen right when Amelia gets on her knees to blow the guy she’s with and I swear I hear the words ‘skin flute’ come out of her mouth.
Eric ends up cackling at that, throwing his head back. “This is worse than bad porn,” he laughs. “I don’t think there is an adjective that even fits.”
It’s a fitting choice of words considering Amelia barely has the head of the guy’s cock in her mouth before she’s gagging on it. I may not be able to deepthroat a guy but I can do more than what she’s doing there.
“Sookie, that man has a little tiny wang. What the hell is she choking on?” Eric asks, pointing at the screen.
“I don’t know,” I laugh. “I tried to figure that out the first time. I’m no pro at that but…” I trail off. It’s probably better that I don’t talk about giving head in front of him.
“But…” he motions for me to continue.
“But I don’t gag on Tootsie Rolls,” I smirk.
“What about giant Toblerones? You know, if you decided to suck on the end instead of breaking it into pieces.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever had a giant Toblerone,” I tell him. “I had a king size Snicker once.”
“How’d that go?” He’s completely serious.
“It was more satisfying for him than it was for me,” I admit.
“That’s… I’m sorry,” he says. “I promise to give as good as I get if we ever go there.”
There’s tension between us and I want to ask him if that’s what he’s interested in, but that’s when the buzzer sounds again.
“Pizza’s here!” I say louder than necessary and spring off the couch like there are rocket launchers in my ass. I grab my wallet from my purse and buzz the delivery guy up. Rather than letting him in I meet him out in the hallway to spare him from the viral catastrophe taking place in my apartment.
When I come back in with the pizza Eric’s paused the video and he follows me to the kitchen so we can plate up. I set the pizza box on the stove and grab paper plates from one of the cupboards.
“I wasn’t sure what you liked on pizza so it’s half pepperoni and half veggie,” I tell him as I hand over a plate and hope that whatever awkward was about to be there between us is magically gone.
“Sookie,” he says my name softly. When I don’t respond he grabs my arms and faces me toward him. “I want you to know I like you, a lot, but I’m not ready for… that. I don’t want this tension between us, and I’m sorry. I was thinking out loud. If we stay just friends in the long run I’m perfectly fine with that… just so you know. And I eat just about anything.”
“Good to know,” I nod. “Want another beer?”
“Sure, please warn me before she says anything like ‘vajizzle’ again,” he laughs.
I throw my head back and laugh while getting him a beer.
“I’ve been calling mine that ever since because that is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard,” I inform him as I hand the beer over.
“That’s it, I’m changing your contact name in my phone,” he smiles and takes the beer. “I may shorten it to Vajizz.”
“You’re a class act, Eric.”
“Indeed,” he nods.
“If you’re going to do that you’re going to have to give me an awesome, cheesy ringtone to go with it, like ‘Cherry Pie’ or something.” I open the pizza box and snatch up all the corner pieces before he can get them.
He arches an eyebrow as he watches me. “I don’t think so, Tim,” he grumbles and takes a pepperoni corner off of my plate. He holds it above his head so I can’t reach it.
“Hey! Give that back, pizza thief!”
“Make me!” he says as he turns and starts to run out of the kitchen with it.
“Geez, share a strawberry with a guy and he starts thinking you’ll suck in his Toblerone and give up your pizza corners,” I snicker.
“I never assumed you’d suck anything on me. I was purely curious and giving up one corner isn’t the end of the world.”
“Said the guy who won’t give one up,” I retort, and close the lid on the box so the pizza stays warm.
Eric stalks toward me, pizza in hand. When he stops less than a foot in front of me I look up. Eric grabs my chin, making me open my mouth and he stuffs the pizza through my lips.
“Happy?” he smirks. I have a mouth full of pizza.
“Very,” I say with my mouth full.
“Good. You have a spot right…” he reaches up and wipes the end of the pizza on my face. I can feel the sauce and cheese oozing. “Better.”
“Thank you.” My mouth is still full so it comes out garbled. Somewhere my mother is thrilled.
What surprises me is that I wish he would just lean in and kiss me already, but he’s not ready for that. Honestly, I’m not sure if I am either but it would be nice.
“Come, woman, you promised bad porn,” he says and grabs his beer. He already put his pizza plate in the living room.
I smile and follow him to the living room. Let’s see if we can eat and watch that mess at the same time.
She’s killing me, and the only thing keeping my hard-on at bay is the stupid porn. My God, this thing is terrible. Sookie follows behind me and when we sit she still has pizza all over her face. I want to lick it off, then keep going and lick the rest of her. I told her I’m not ready though, because really I’m not. Also I’d hate to cause more awkward tension.
“Please tell me you have real porn to show me after this fiasco,” I say and take a bite of my pizza.
“I’m sure we can find some,” she says, and pops up off the couch to go back to the kitchen.
I watch her ass and begin to think real porn may not be the best idea. She comes back a moment later with a small stack of napkins.
“You know I could just lick your face clean,” I offer when she sits next to me again. “Since I wanted the piece I wiped on you anyway.”
“That sounds like the start of our own sex tape,” she snickers and wipes her face with one of the napkins.
“Only if I kept going,” I shrug.
I lean forward and hit play. We immediately cringe when Amelia lays on her back and spreads her ass cheeks open.
“Wow this pizza looks delicious,” Sookie says, her eyes trained on her plate.
“Maybe we should wait to finish the video,” I laugh and hit stop. “Or drink more beer.”
“You want another one?” She’s nowhere near done with her beer, but I’ll be done with mine in one more drink. “If you chug now you can be done by the time I get you a new one.”
“I think it might be necessary,” she says, and reaches for her bottle.
I stuff the rest of my pizza in my mouth and get up to grab two more beers. She has a little less in her bottle when I get back.
“Doing good, champ,” I smile and plop down on the couch. I sit close enough that our legs are touching.
“When I watched this with Lafayette and Claude we took a shot every time she called him Daddy. I think that’s how I got through it the first time.”
“Do you have anything we can shoot?” I ask. I’m going to hate myself in the morning if I start taking shots.
“There’s a bottle of whipped cream flavored vodka in the freezer,” she tells me.
“Wanna do it?” I ask.
“Sure. I have a spare bedroom you can crash in if you can’t drive home,” she offers and gets up again to go back to the kitchen.
I take my phone out of my pocket and set my alarm so I don’t forget to do it later. I also change Sookie’s name to Vajizzle in my contact list. I’m putting my phone back when she comes back.
“We’re gonna get fucked up aren’t we?” I ask, shaking my head.
“At the rate she screams ‘Daddy’, oh yeah,” she nods. Sookie sets the vodka bottle down on the coffee table and bends over to set the shot glasses down as well.
I lick my lips when she bends over. She has a very nice ass, and I wouldn’t mind kissing it. I might just be getting a slight buzz, I don’t know.
“My kids are going to drive me crazy tomorrow,” I snicker and pull her back down to the couch.
“Yeah, I’m guessing hangovers and six-year-olds don’t mix,” she says as she leans forward to start pouring shots.
“I keep a bottle of Excedrin locked in my drawer. I’ll give them a lot of free time tomorrow, I’m sure.”
“It’s not like I do it all the time,” I say. “Shot,” I tell her before we hit play again. “We need to get primed.”
“Amen to that.” Sookie hands me one of the shot glasses and keeps the other. Without hesitating, she shoots the shot back and sets her glass down again. “I should probably just sit on the floor so I don’t fall off the couch.”
“I can make sure you don’t fall,” I offer. I slam back my shot and put the glass down. I refill them and look back at Sookie with my finger on the play button. “Ready?”
“As I’m ever gonna be.”
I hit play and grab our shots. I’m sure she’ll be screaming out ‘Daddy’ momentarily.
“Shot!” I practically yell and take my shot.
Sookie follows suit and slides down to the floor to sit on her knees and refill our shot glasses.
“You know it would be easier to swig from the bottle,” I tell her.
“That’s probably true,” she says while some gross things happen with a bottle of lube on screen.
“Well stop pouring and get your ass back up here. Bring the bottle,” I say and reach down to tug her hair lightly. “Take that shot too.”
Sookie takes the shot and looks back to say, “There is only one time when hair pulling is acceptable and this isn’t it.”
“And when is it acceptable?” I purr as I lean down further, grabbing the other shot glass so I can drink it.
“When I have a Toblerone in my mouth,” she answers.
A shiver runs through me. My cock begins to twitch, but I stay mostly soft.
“Get back up here, Sookie,” I growl.
She moves back up onto the couch and her skirt is sitting a little higher on her thighs than before, but Sookie doesn’t seem to notice.
My eyes travel up the length of her thighs as she continues to watch the movie. Sookie hands me the bottle, letting me know it’s shot time again. I take a drink and I shift so I’m facing her a little more. My arm is over her shoulders now. The vodka is getting to me.
“Sookie,” I whisper her name close to her ear.
“Uh huh,” she says without looking away from the laptop.
“Is there a reason you’re so enthralled by Amelia Broadway getting her vajizzle pounded by a skin flute?” I whisper with a small smile.
“I’m trying to figure out how that Tic Tac is giving her an orgasm,” she whispers in response.
“She could just be a better actress than we think and maybe she’s faking it,” I say, keeping my voice low still. I don’t know why we’re whispering. Oh wait, vodka, that’s why.
“Maybe. He’s got serpent tongue so if he can’t kiss, he probably can’t fuck either.”
“Say fuck again,” I tell her. It sounds really hot coming out of her mouth.
“Fuck,” she says, and she enunciates it for me.
I close my eyes and drop my head to the crook of her neck. She smells nice.
“Again,” I prompt. “Please.”
She takes the bottle of vodka from me to take a drink and then breathes, “Fuck.”
“That’s really fucking hot, Sookie,” I say as my lips brush over her skin.
“It’s just the vodka talking,” she whispers, and tilts her head to give me better access to her neck.
I suck lightly over her pulse and then place soft kisses along her long neck up to her ear. I begin to nibble her earlobe.
“Once more,” I plead and rest my hand on her bare thigh.
“Fuck,” she pants, and turns her face toward mine.
“Do it,” I whisper, looking into her eyes.
She looks at my lips for a second and then leans in to kiss me. It’s tentative at first, until I feel her tongue slide along the seam of my lips. I reach up, threading my fingers through her hair as our tongues brush against one another. My other hand slides down her back and I begin to shift her body toward mine.
As she moves to straddle my thighs I pull back from the kiss.
“We should stop,” I say, resting my forehead against hers with my hands in her hair still. “I like this way too much.”
“That’s bad?” she whispers.
I shake my head no and tilt to kiss her again. My hands drop to her bare thighs and I run them up and down, feeling her smooth skin. Even with the shitty porn playing I begin to get hard and I slide my hands all the way up to her ass. I pull her forward so she rubs over my growing erection.
“Fuck,” Sookie moans against my lips. “That’s not a Toblerone, that’s the whole factory.”
“Mmm,” I groan into her mouth. “Do you want to see how much you can take before you start gagging?” I ask. Again, I blame the vodka.
Sookie kisses me harder and she starts to unfasten my shorts so she can reach into them. My hips buck when she wraps her hand around my shaft.
“I’m going to take this as a yes?” I ask as I reach up to tip her head back so I can kiss her neck again.
“Yes,” she whispers, and her thumb rubs over my tip.
Because I already promised I give as good as I get I slide one hand down her body until I reach the hem of her skirt. I slip my hand up, brushing against her inner thigh. My fingers run over the damp fabric covering her core.
“Are you going to let me…”
“Mmhmmm,” she hums and she starts to stroke me slowly.
“Keep doing it just like that,” I growl.
I push her panties to the side. My fingers run through her wet folds, making her gasp. I pull my head back so I can watch her face as I play with her. I rub her clit lightly and her grip tightens around my shaft.
“Do you want them inside of you?” I ask and move my fingers back to run them back and forth over her opening.
“Fuck,” she moans and her eyes close. “Yes.”
I let out a growl when I push two fingers into her. She’s very, very, wet right now making the intrusion fairly easy. She knows to sit up on her knees and I begin to pump in and out of her in a smooth, slow rhythm. Her hand is still on my cock, but I couldn’t care less with the reaction her body is having to my fingers.
“You still okay there, tiger?” I ask when her eyes screw shut as I begin to twist and scissor my fingers inside of her.
“Fucking amazing,” she moans. Her hand starts to do some twisting on every upstroke, and her hips move with my fingers.
“I certainly agree with that assessment,” I pant. “Mmm, and it feels like someone is getting close,” I whisper and I drive my fingers in deeper.
“Fuuuuck,” she groans and her grip on my cock gets even tighter.
“Cum for me, Sookie,” I groan. Once she gets her orgasm I can sit back and enjoy the handjob.
Her head falls back and her hand stops moving. The sweet little moans get louder and louder until her walls start to massage and pulse around my fingers as she cums.
“Very, very sexy,” I compliment her and I use my free hand to bring her head to mine so I can kiss her. My fingers are still slowly pumping in and out as we kiss, sending little aftershock through her body.
Sookie’s hand starts moving again, stroking me slowly like when she first started. When the kiss breaks I remove my fingers from inside her and Sookie shifts on the couch so she’s on her knees beside me. She frees my cock from my shorts and then lowers her head.
“Oh wow,” I say when she wraps her full, pink lips around my head.
I pull her hair back so it’s resting on the back of her head. I can see her lips stretching around my shaft as she starts taking me deeper into her mouth, bobbing her head up and down. Sookie can’t fit all of me in her mouth but she takes as much as she can and her hand strokes the rest. She lifts up to catch her breath and her soft, warm tongue swirls around the head of my cock before she plunges down again.
“Fuuuck, that’s… Fuck… More, try to take more of me, Sookie,” I plead while holding her head in place.
She moans and her head bobs faster but she doesn’t push it by taking any more of my cock down her throat than she already is. I’m getting close so I use my long arms to reach down her spine. I go a little farther and start rubbing circles around the rim of her opening.
“I really, really enjoy what you’re doing with your mouth,” I pant as I play with her.
Sookie moans again and rewards me for my complement by hollowing her cheeks and sucking harder.
“There we go,” I pant. “Keep going…”
She keeps moaning and her free hand moves to my balls to massage them gently. Her tongue swirls and she gives the boys a little tug.
“Where do you want it?” I ask. I’m getting ready to explode.
Sookie groans one more time and then lifts her head. Her hand picks up right where she left off and she strokes me quickly while she catches her breath. I lean over a little bit more and push my fingertips into her pussy just before I release. I don’t know exactly where she wanted me to cum, but it’s all over her lips and chin now. I’m certain some made it into her mouth.
She smiles and looks me in my eyes as she licks my cum off her lips.
“Do you want me to lick your lips?” I ask while tracing her lower lips with my middle finger.
“I do, but not tonight,” she says, and reaches over to the coffee table for a napkin to clean up a little.
I pull my fingers out and I grab her hair at the base of her neck. I pull her face up and crash my lips onto hers.
“I didn’t plan on this,” I tell her quietly against her lips.
“I know. I didn’t either,” she replies, and nervously nibbles on her bottom lip.
“Sookie, no, don’t be nervous,” I say and reach up to tug her lip free. “You just had my dick in your mouth…”
“I know, but we’re both a little drunk and you said before that you weren’t ready for… you know so I just don’t want you to be pissed about it tomorrow,” she says. “I really like you to so I don’t want to ruin it, you know?”
“I promise this won’t ruin anything. If it makes you feel better I can write on my arm that Sookie gives great head and to continue to like her,” I smile and kiss her again. “I already told you I like you, and we didn’t have sex. We let the alcohol take over, and that’s no ones fault but Russia for making such a tasty beverage.”
“Russia and Amelia Broadway.”
“Yes, and you definitely proved you’re better at sucking dick than she is,” I compliment.
“Somewhere my mother is so proud,” she laughs, making me laugh with her.
“You’re cute,” I smile. “Let’s just see where this goes, okay?”
“I think that’s the second best idea you’ve had all night,” she says.
“I assume the ice cream in the freezer was the first?”
“Nope,” she smiles. “You gave me my pizza corner back.”