I wake up in the morning with Eric curled around me. I could have this every morning. Part of me wants it but that stupid fear is a festering ball in the pit of my stomach that won’t let me give in. Butterball bouncing off my bladder makes me get out of bed to go pee. My daughter is the best alarm clock I’ve ever had, seeing as she’s consistently woken me up every day at the same time for the last week.
When I get back to bed Eric doesn’t waste any time snuggling up to my tits. His big hand splays out over our daughter and I feel him smile when one of her giant, tiny feet hits him.
“That’s the best feeling in the world,” he whispers before kissing the side of my breast.
“She’s the most active first thing in the morning or anytime I eat something sweet,” I tell him. “I went for Italian ice the other day and she lost her little mind for about an hour.”
“You should’ve brought her to me. I would’ve loved to feel that. I also would have tried to soothe her for you.”
“You can talk to her now if you want. I’m sure she’s sick of me,” I chuckle.
“I don’t think it’s possible to get sick of you.” Eric shifts down some so his face is toward my small belly. “Isn’t that right, baby girl? Everyone loves Mommy.”
“You must still be on a sex high,” I snort.
“Mmm, I’m not.” He turns to kiss my bump. “I can’t wait to hold you, Butterball,” he whispers. “Next time I’m here I’ll bring a book to read to you.”
It’s sweet that he’s talking to her. I don’t know if she can hear him or not, but either way she’s still kicking around in my belly. It takes a while for her to settle down, but by seven she’s taking a nap. All that activity is hard work for a teeny body.
“I think she’s sleeping again,” I tell Eric.
“Yeah,” he whispers. He kisses my belly again before moving up to lie with his head on the pillow next to mine. “She’s amazing to me, in case you couldn’t tell.”
“She is pretty awesome,” I agree.
“Now that she’s sleeping, how are you feeling?” He moves his hand a little closer to my mound, but doesn’t move much further.
“Good. My thighs are a little sore, but otherwise good,” I answer. That first time on the couch was fucking amazing. I haven’t cum like that in a long time.
“Want me to kiss them?” Eric kisses the side of my neck.
“That would be nice.” I turn my head and catch his lips. I don’t know what we’re doing. I know there aren’t any rules except for the ones we make. It may not be smart, but whatever this is seems to be working for us. Maybe our mistake has been trying to force our relationship into a conventional mold that we’re just not made for. If we love each other isn’t that the most important thing?
Eric doesn’t try to deepen the kiss. He leaves it at a lingering peck. His hand slips down from my belly to my inner thigh to push my leg over. He pulls his head back, winking at me as he moves down the bed to lie with his head between my thighs. He tilts his face toward the right to place warm, wet kisses along the bruised parts of my inner thigh.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he says in a low, throaty sex voice. He continues to kiss me there while he rubs his thumb up and down my slit.
“I know,” I reply in a breathy voice. If I let him, Eric will spend hours camped out down there. Oral sex and pregnancy don’t go together very well thanks to the possibility of an air embolism, but what he’s doing is perfectly safe and it’s definitely getting me wet.
He moves turns his head to the other thigh to give me the same wet kisses. He pushes his thumb between my folds, slowly circling my clit for a moment before he pushes down to slide his thumb into me. He pumps in and out as his eyes flick up my body to meet mine.
“That feels so good, Eric,” I moan. My hips shift, looking for more friction.
“Are you getting impatient?” he smirks. He knows better than to tease me in my hormonal state. He shifts his hand to slide two fingers into my pussy, heading straight for my g-spot.
“No,” I lie.
“I know you better than that, Sookie.” Eric’s fingers don’t pump in and out. Instead he moves his fingertips quickly over that magic spot inside of me. His lips continue to graze the bruises on my inner thighs.
I gasp and my back arches again. My fingers curl in his hair and it feels like it’s less than thirty seconds before the orgasm explodes powerfully.
“Yesyesyesyes!” I shout. Maybe this is why Lafayette is moving out too? I’m not exactly quiet and I’m sure he’s just waiting for Eric and I to get our shit together like everyone else.
“Mmm, perfect,” he purrs. Eric moves up my body, his fingers still rubbing my g-spot. “Would you like my cock now?” He drops his head to kiss my neck softly.
“Uh huh,” I pant.
I shouldn’t. I should tell him to stop and to go home. We shouldn’t keep doing this. I have Bill and whether or not he wants to admit it, he has Holly. We’re not exactly free. I know all this and so does he, yet we keep ending up together. I don’t know if it’s because we’re afraid of moving on or if it’s because it’s where we belong. What I know right now is that I want him.
He slides his fingers out only to replace them with the head of his cock. Eric keeps his eyes on mine as he pushes all the way into me.
“I don’t want to hurt you again,” he says, swiveling and grinding against my clit.
“You won’t,” I assure him. It’s the good kind of hurt anyway. The kind that will probably have me spending time with Big Blue one evening after work because I start thinking about how I got the hurt in the first place. It’s the kind of hurt that Eric would take great pleasure in knowing I’m enjoying days later.
“You want it like it was last night?” He sits up on his knees, lifting my hips. Eric keeps his eyes on the spot where we’re joined as he slides all the way out before driving back in, hard, getting good and deep. He starts to do this over and over, groaning on each punishing thrust. The head of his cock is hitting the perfect spot inside of me as he starts to piston his hips, slapping his hips against my inner thighs again.
The little bit of pain only makes the pleasure feel that much better. It’s crazy the things I feel with him that I don’t feel with other people. It’s not just the physical stuff either. My emotions run higher with him than they do with anyone else. There’s a connection between us that I can’t deny no matter how hard I try to. It’s the most intense thing I’ve ever felt. The only thing I can think of that might be more intense than what I feel for him is the way I feel about the baby growing inside me. It’s him there. I feel it with every little kick that gets stronger each day.
Stupid hormones take over and the next thing I know, I’m sobbing like a big baby. This shouldn’t be so goddamn complicated. It’s supposed to be the natural progression of things. A couple falls in love and a child is an expression of that. Only this baby is an expression of my forgetfulness and too much wine on a Hallmark Holiday. There was no planning, no intention. We’re not even a couple in a romantic sense. We’re just a couple of idiots who got sloppy and now this kid is stuck with us.
“Shit,” Eric says quietly. He stops moving, but stays inside of me when he arches over my body so he doesn’t crush the baby. “Are you okay?” he asks, peppering kisses all over my face.
“I’m going to be a terrible mom,” I blurt out of nowhere.
He lifts his head to look into my eyes. “You’re going to be the best mother, Sookie,” he says with conviction. “It’s the only thing I know for sure.”
“I can’t even get my own life straightened out. How the hell am I supposed to teach a kid how to do it?” I sniffle. It’s a legitimate question. I can’t make a goddamn decision about Eric. I’m stringing him along and he’s letting me because he loves me and he knows somewhere, someway, I love him too.
“You…” He sighs as he pulls out so he can lie on the bed next to me. “I don’t know, but I do know you’re having so much trouble because you want what’s best for Butterball. That’s not the sign of a bad mother. You love her and you want her to be happy. I have faith that you’ll figure it out sooner rather than later… Sook, none of us knows how our kids are going to turn out. I’m scared shitless that I’m going to get clumsy and drop her or something. I’m going to teach her to say fuck on accident… This doesn’t make sense,” he sighs. He turns my head to face him. “Baby, what makes you happy?” he asks me quietly.
“It makes perfect sense, Eric. I’m scared shitless too. Not just that I might teach her to say fuck or that I might drop her or let her roll off the couch or something like that. I’m scared that if I take the leap and try again with you that it’s going to blow up in my face. I know how much it hurts me when that happens and I don’t think I could stand to see that kind of sadness on her little face,” I tell him. There it is, the little nugget I’ve been holding onto. With that I start sobbing all over again. I can’t talk about it anymore. All that’s left is the tears and I know Eric hates it, but I can’t stop them from coming.
He wraps his strong arms around me. He doesn’t try to stop me for once and just holds me as I cry.
“I love you, Sookie,” he whispers. “I don’t want us to fail either. I want our baby girl to know what it’s like to have to loving parents in the same house. I want to give her what I didn’t get. I’m going to get frustrated and we’re going to argue when you don’t listen to what I know is right, but through it all, I’m still going to love you. I have faith that I can be a better man. This baby, this little tiny thing that’s made of us, she runs my life now and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep her safe and happy. That includes learning to be a more rational man… a better man… for both of you.”
I take a deep breath and try to calm the fuck down. I tell myself that I’m freaking out because having a baby is a huge deal. It’s so much bigger than every other decision I’ve made in my life. Choosing which college to go to or what to major in or what job to take… all nothing compared to the decision to accept the responsibility of growing and subsequently raising a human being.
I can’t let fear be the thing that guides me here. I don’t want my daughter to be ruled by fear. I want her to face things with courage and the strength to know that even if she fails, she can get back up and try again. I want her to have the kind of memories I do of my childhood. I want her dad to teach her how to do certain things that a dad should teach his kids to do. I want him to take her to the park to play catch or teach her how to ride a bike or be her date to her first daddy/daughter dance when I put her in Brownies. I want her to have the kind of relationship with Eric that he never got to have with his own father.
I also want him to have the peace of mind that even without the guidance of a dad; he somehow managed to turn out to be a good one. I want him to be excited to come home at night to a little girl that worships the ground he walks on, who thinks of him as a hero and not some faceless stranger who didn’t give enough of a shit to stick around. I don’t want her to hate me because I was too scared to try.
Underneath all that there is one thing that matters more than all that stuff piled on top of it. I love him. I have loved Eric for more than ten years. He pisses me off and sometimes I think I hate him but when I try to picture anyone else in my future, I can’t do it. He’s all I see. He’s all I have seen for the last decade. So whether it’s a terrible idea or not to try again, I feel like I have to because as much as I worry it might not work with him, I know it won’t work with anyone else.
Now I just have to get myself to say the words out loud.
“Are you okay?” I whisper when Sookie finally takes a deep breath and snuggles into my chest. I have my arms wrapped tightly around her, trying to let her know it’s safe to fall apart with me. This is where she belongs, whether she wants to admit it or not.
“Yes,” she whispers.
“Do you need me to get you anything?” I’m always at a loss when she cries. I can tell she has a lot running through her mind. I’m not going to probe; I’ll wait for her to come to me with it. Alcide can tell me I deserve what I get all day long, but he’s never had to deal with Sookie, not the way I have.
“No,” she sniffles. “Just stay here for a while.”
She knows that’s not a problem. I’ll stay with her as long as she wants. I give her a little squeeze to let her know that instead of telling her.
It’s the worst possible time, or maybe not, but my mind drifts to Holly. I obviously don’t give a fuck how Bill might feel about me comforting Sookie. Holly is a different story though. She doesn’t deserve to be lied to. She thinks I came over for dinner and pleasant conversation. Sookie and I need to be friends again. Hell, I don’t know how we stopped being friends. Anyway, I didn’t come over to fuck her; especially not as good as we fucked last night. I can keep telling myself she’s not my girlfriend, however, I still feel like I’m cheating on her.
I sigh, but quickly smile when I feel a little kick against my belly. It’s just one. Butterball, or Lorelei, depending on if we go with that or not, is probably stretching in there.
“I wonder who she’s going to look like?” I say quietly as I massage Sookie’s back. We already know she has Sookie’s nose.
“Hopefully not like Jason.”
“I highly doubt she’ll look like your sister,” I chuckle. “With your nose she may end up looking like Michelle.”
“That would be nice.” I feel her yawn.
“Mmhmm,” I hum. I kiss the top of her head as I squeeze her a little tighter. Sookie shifts her leg, sliding it between mine so we can be even more wrapped up together. She’s not going to be able to do this much longer. “Sorry,” I whisper when my cock twitches against her thigh. It’s mad at me for stopping mid-thrust. My crying baby mama trumps needy balls.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to stay all day, just until I fall asleep,” she tells me.
“Okay. I need to get to the bar in a little while to do paperwork,” I tell her. “But if I’m not here when you wake up you know you can call me for anything, right?”
“Yeah, I know.”
We go quiet. I don’t know what’s going on in her head, but I’m curious about it. I want to know if she’s thinking about leaving Bill because, let’s face it, that’s a lost cause. I should probably tell Holly I can’t fuck her anymore since I can’t seem to keep my hands off of Sookie. Fuck. This is a ugly, fucked up mess that I can’t seem to figure out. Maybe because it’s not up to me to figure it out. I know what I want. I know where my heart is; Sookie needs to figure out what she wants to do.
Later that day I’m sitting in my office chair, working on receipts, when there’s a small knock on the door. Before I can look up it opens and Sookie peeks her blonde head in.
“Hey, come in,” I smile. I get up from the desk to greet her when she steps inside.
“You’re not busy right now are you?” She looks at the piles on my desk and frowns a little. “Shit. I should have called.”
“It’s fine. It always looks like that these days,” I chuckle. “I could use a break.”
“Good. Um… I brought you something.” She reaches into her purse and grabs something. Sookie bites her lip nervously as she dangles a set of keys from her finger.
“Uh… what’s this?” I know what they are; I just don’t know what they open.
“Keys. For my place. Our place.”
“For… What?” Did she just say our place?
Sookie takes a deep breath. Okay, two deep breaths.
“I’m not suggesting that you should move your stuff in immediately or anything, but you should be able to come over and see your daughter anytime you want. Me too, if you’re so inclined,” she says. “I love you, Eric. I’ve loved you for a really long time and if I want my daughter to be brave, then I better lead by example.”
I don’t know what to say, or think. This is…
“Like, really, like you and me… again?” I stagger back to lean against my desk. What? This was not expected, especially not this soon.
“Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Of course it is, I honestly didn’t expect it, though,” I tell her truthfully. “I’ve always wanted to be with you.” I reach out for the keys to feel them. As soon as our hands touch I grab hers to pull her closer. “I love you, why wouldn’t I want this?”
“Because I’m a pain in the ass who takes forever to make up her mind,” she answers. “Or maybe you’re sick of my bullshit or maybe you’d rather be with Holly–”
I stop her with a kiss. I press my lips to hers and wrap my arms around her.
“I love that you’re a pain in the ass. It keeps me on my toes,” I chuckle. “And as much as I like Holly, she can never be you. Ever.”
I feel some of the tension leave Sookie’s body. Her arms wrap around me tightly and when she tilts her head up she kisses my jaw. I turn my head to capture her lips. The kiss is slow and sweet. I know we have a lot to talk about but right now I want to feel her lips on mine and her arms around my ribs, where they are now.
“I promise I’m not going to go back to days and nights on end in this office,” I tell her. Okay, maybe we do need to talk about this now.
“I know you won’t. If you do I’m going to send you video of your daughter crying,” she warns.
“Good call,” I chuckle. “Same goes for you when your hours run long.”
“Russell and I have already talked about that,” she informs me. “He knows I’m not planning on quitting my job, but he also knows that I’m going to have to slow down a little bit. He’s okay with that. He understands. He’s prepared to let me work from home part-time.”
“That’s great,” I grin. “I know it’s going to be hard to leave Butterball at home.” I can be with her most days, but I have to be at the bar during the day on Wednesday for delivery.
“Maybe. I might actually look forward to days I’m at the office sometimes. We’ll see.”
“We will.” Sometimes it feels like I’m more excited about the baby, but I knows she’s had a tough time deciding what she wants to do about me. “You really want me to move in?” I ask.
“Right now I mostly want you to have keys. We have a lot of things to get used to and I don’t want to rush into anything too crazy. A baby is a lot to deal with. Plus Lafayette is still living there so now’s not really the right time for that. But it’s something we can talk about in the next couple of months if things are going well between us,” Sookie says.
“That works.” I’m most likely going to spend every night with her unless I’m at work. “I’m pretty confident it’s going to work this time. We have something other than our selfish asses to make this work for.” I reach down to rub her belly.
Sookie puts her hand on mine and turns my face so I have to look at her.
“I want this to work for us, Eric. I’d like for her to have her parents together, but I don’t want her to be the primary reason we’re together. I want you to be with me because I’m where you want to be,” she says.
“You’ve been my forever since that night I found you giggling, trying to change a tire. I knew right then and there you were The One. I’m in this for you, and for our family.” If I would’ve knocked any other girl up I doubt I would care as much about the baby. It sounds shitty, but it’s the truth.
“I’m just checking,” she says. Sookie takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Her arms wrap around my neck in another tight hug. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a crazy twat the last few months. I totally understand if you want to get snipped.”
I chuckle and say, “I won’t get snipped just yet. We may like Butterball so much we want to give her a sibling.” I imagine Sookie and I one child parents, but that could change. “It’s okay that you’ve been crazy. I know it’s not you.”
“If Butterball is twenty pounds when she’s born, I’m getting my tubes tied,” Sookie tells me. She’s serious.
“I highly doubt she’ll be twenty pounds,” I laugh. “I’m sorry she has my appetite, though.”
“Just wait until you have to feed her yourself,” Sookie snorts. “First baby to be born and want a turkey dinner.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “She’s going to be chubby and cute.”
“Sounds about right.” Sookie laughs and adds, “And she’ll have a deeper voice than Auntie Jase.”
I snort. Her brother is too much. He really needs to lay off the juice.
“That’s not really too hard, now is it?” I laugh.
“Uh, no. I think my voice is deeper than his at this point,” she sighs, shaking her head.
“So… have you talked to Bill?” I ask. It’s going to break Holly’s heart when I tell her and I’m going to feel like an epic asshole.
“Not yet. That’s next on my list of things to do,” she informs me. “I’m going to tell him not to come to the wedding.”
“That’s probably a good thing,” I say. “I’m going to have to break up with someone that isn’t actually my girlfriend. It’ll be weird and I’m actually going to feel bad. Holly is a really great girl.”
“Want me to tell her?” Sookie offers with a devious little smile on her face. “I could just tell her you ran off with Dave Na–”
I clamp my hand over her mouth.
“No. I’ll tell her,” I growl playfully.
Sookie giggles behind my hand and reaches out to playfully pinch my nipple.
“Watch it,” I purr. I move my hand and reach back to smack her ass.
“Mmm… yes sir,” she winks.
“Keep talking like that and I’ll be locking the office door so we’re not interrupted when I bend you over the desk,” I tell her. Both of my hands are rubbing over her ass.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea with your daughter in the way,” she says.
“You can lean on your elbows.” I can work around the baby. Plus, the way she just called me Sir is making my dick hard.
“You have a tendency to get a little carried away,” she reminds me.
“I can be careful,” I reply. “Or I can sit in the chair and you can hop on my lap…”
“Or I can let you get back to work and you can try out your keys when you’re done,” she suggests.
“Will you be naked when I get there?” I ask as I continue to rub her butt.
“If I feel like being a good girl.”
“And if you don’t feel like being a good girl are you going to fight it when I have to punish you?” I give her a light smack on her right cheek.
“Maybe,” she winks again.
“Naughty girl,” I growl. I lean down to give her a sweet kiss on the side of her neck.
“Your favorite kind,” she whispers back and the little minx grabs my cock to give it a good squeeze.
“Mmhmm. If you keep that up you’re not making it out of the office without going at least one round to hold me over until I get there to see you later.”
“Keep that up and I might be a nice girlfriend and blow you,” she smirks.
“I would be okay with that.” I start to kiss along her jaw. When I get to her ear I whisper, “I can’t wait to be able to bury my face between your sexy thighs for hours without worrying about the baby.”
Sookie moans softly and squeezes my cock again. “Get behind the desk,” she growls.
“Yes, ma’am.” I give her one more peck on the lips before I turn to sit behind the desk.
If you would’ve told me last night that Sookie would be showing up at my office to give me a house key I would’ve told you you’re insane. Things are finally starting to come together and it looks like my forever is about to start. I couldn’t be happier.