Chapter 13: Mr. & Mrs.

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No… no, no, no… I did not marry Sookie. The last thing I remembered from the night before was paying our tab at the bar after the third fishbowl. I doubt we were roofied, but Sookie’s suggestion was starting to seem more and more likely.

 

“What the fuck did we do?” I asked.

 

We were definitely still in my room so trying to scam a free room didn’t seem likely. I was still lying on top of Sookie when I looked around the room to see if I could tell what was going on. Sure enough, there was a picture on the floor. A pillow next to the chair, if I had to guess she used it to kneel to give me head. Her panties were on the lamp on the desk and… we had fucking wedding rings on our fingers. Fairly nice rings at that. Fuck.

 

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “Maybe this is a dream.”

 

“Maybe,” I nodded. I didn’t believe that for a second. My cock was still hard though so we had to start with a quick decision. Did we keep going or stop to figure it out. “Should we stop…” I pushed my hips forward, so I could rub against her clit.

 

“Don’t,” she gasped, her walls pulsing around my length. “Mmm… Don’t stop.”

 

What were we really going to do right then if we were married, right?

 

I released her hand, and propped myself up on my hands next to her head. I rubbed my hips against hers again. Her hands shot up to press against the headboard and all I could think was if I did marry her, it might not be that bad.

 

I started to slowly pump my hips, getting nice and deep the way she liked. I looked down at her body, taking it all in. I’d seen and worshiped every inch of her. Sure she wasn’t perfect, but that didn’t matter. To me, she was absolutely stunning.

 

Sookie’s back arched up, thrusting her tits into the air. I took the opportunity to dip down so I could gently suckle her left nipple. Fuck, I didn’t know how much I came the night before but my ball were a little sore so I knew it was a lot. I didn’t care, though. I wasn’t going to last too long and I knew it. I just needed her to cum first.

 

“Oh god, faster, Eric,” Sookie panted. Her walls were starting to milk me. “Yesyesyesyes oh fuck!”

 

I moved to her right nipple to give it the same attention. I took direction well and my hips sped up, slapping against her inner thighs as I filled her over and over. It felt like fucking heaven to be inside of her. That wasn’t something I’d felt in a long time.

 

“Give it to me, baby,” I purred around her nipple. “I need to feel you cum on my big dick.”

 

“So close… Don’t stop… Fuck, just like that,” Sookie moaned. Her eyes squeezed shut and her body tensed. “Ohgodohgodohgodohgod! Fuuuuck, Eric!”

 

The people in the rooms surrounding us probably hated me. Ask me how many fucks I gave… not a single fucking one.

 

“That’s it,” I grunted. My cock started pulsing and twitching. Her orgasm was going to trigger mine and I was fucking ready. “Where do you want it, Sookie?” I panted as I slammed into her.

 

“In me!” She grabbed my hips to keep me deep inside her when she erupted with a scream.

 

I followed right behind her with a roar, filling her with my hot release. Fuck…

 

“Goddamn, that’s fuckin’ good,” I panted as I collapsed on top of her. My arms caged in her head, trying to keep her as close and secure as possible. My hips continued to jerk as I peppered her pretty face with kisses.

 

“Uh huh,” she agreed. “Best fuck ever. Ever.”

 

“Mmm, thank you,” I chuckled. I was scared to get out of the bed. We had to figure out if we had actually gotten married or just managed to end up with two pretty decent rings. “I don’t want to move,” I told her. “You’re so warm and you feel so fucking good right where you are.”

 

“We need to eat,” she replied. “Maybe shower. I think you might have fucked me in the ass last night.”

 

“Uh… I’m really sad I don’t remember that,” I replied with a playful pout. “Room service or do we actually want to get dressed and leave?”

 

“We should probably get up. Don’t you have convention stuff to do?” Sookie reminded me. “Plus we need to return these rings. Maybe we have receipts for them.”

 

“That’s probably a good idea,” I agreed. I gave her a long, not so hard, kiss before I pulled back and asked, “Do you think we just bought these or do you think we actually got married?”

 

“No offense, but I hope we were just stupid drunk and bought the rings on a whim,” Sookie replied.

 

“None taken.” I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to get married again. I liked Sookie a lot, but it wasn’t marriage like.

 

She slowly pushed my hips back until my cock fell out of her. My cum quickly ran down between her lower cheeks. That was fucking hot, but I kept it to myself.

 

“Shower together or separate?” I asked as I moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

 

“Separate,” she answered.

 

I got up to find my shorts. Sookie got up and disappeared into the bathroom. I heard the water start and I began to go through the shit thrown around the room. Thankfully, the picture wasn’t broken so I went ahead and hung it back up on the wall. I started to straighten up the papers on the desk, looking for the receipt for the rings.

 

I found the receipt sitting on top of a manila envelope, similar to the one Sookie had in her hands when she showed up with the cards and pictures of Maria and Alcide. I pushed that thought aside and opened the envelope. I pulled out the contents and froze.

 

There was a wedding certificate with both of our signatures, and the signature of the officiant. Fuck my life. I was married to Sookie Stackhouse-Herveaux, now Northman.

 

Fuck me…

 

I set it down and looked at the receipt for the rings. We – I – spent a pretty penny on them. At least I got the fucking warranty. And why the hell was I still wearing mine? That question was easily answered when I realized it didn’t feel wrong on my hand.

 

We could do this, right? We could figure it out, learn to love each other and possibly be together. I enjoyed being married to Maria, even though it was all a fucking sham. I could be a… step-dad… Maybe not. Shit, we needed to get it annulled.

 

What the fuck was in those goddamn fishbowls?

 

Sookie came out of the bathroom a few minutes later wrapped in a towel. I looked at her and she knew instantly something was wrong. On one hand, it was funny. Especially given the way we met. It served Maria and Alcide right that we were here, married to each other. On the other… neither one of us was ready for marriage or another relationship.

 

“Don’t say it.” Sookie was a lot of things, but dumb wasn’t one of them. She had figured it out.

 

“We can figure out what to do about it over breakfast,” I told her, dropping my head back.

 

“Annulment.”

 

I nodded. It made the most sense.

 

“I’m going to go take a quick shower,” I told her. I got up from the chair I was sitting in and started for the bathroom.

 

I took my time in the shower. I figured it would take her a little time to get dressed. I’d noticed her suitcase was in the room and the last time I remembered seeing her she wasn’t wearing the dress that was balled up on the floor. We apparently made a pit stop at her hotel to get her things.

 

When I got out of the shower Sookie was dressed, sitting on the bed. I didn’t bother getting dressed in the bathroom. Sookie knew what I looked like naked so I finished drying off and getting dressed. She stayed quiet while I moved around the room. Her mind was probably moving just as fast as mine, if not faster. We had to figure out how long it would take to get an annulment, if that was what we ended up doing. As weird as it sounded, I didn’t think that was the right action to take.

 

“What are you in the mood for?” It was on the tip of my tongue to call her Mrs. Northman, but I refrained. I also noticed she was still wearing her ring, as was I.

 

“A time machine.” She was serious. “This can’t be happening. I like you and maybe we could– I can’t stay married to you.”

 

“Neither one of us is ready for this,” I agreed, putting a hat on my head. “We don’t have to get the annulment right away though. We probably both feel like death warmed over.” I knew I did.

 

“Well obviously it’s more than a one day thing.” Sookie stood up and took off her ring to give it back to me. “This is crazy enough on its own but I have Willa. I can’t believe I did this.”

 

“It could have been way worse,” I reminded her as I took the ring. I pulled mine off too and walked over to place them in the ring box next to the marriage certificate. “You could have met Cue Ball here and married his handsy ass.”

 

“Oh fuck that. I don’t think I could get drunk enough to marry his ass. He tried to jackhammer kiss me,” she cringed.

 

“Oh gross,” I cringed with her. I slipped my shoes on and said it, because I could. “Come on, Mrs. Northman, lets go get breakfast.”

 

Sookie was not amused. At all.

 

“My parents are going to flip the fuck out,” she muttered. Sookie ran her fingers through her hair and grabbed a cream colored cardigan off the bed. After she pulled it on she bent over to buckle her shoes.

 

“We don’t have to tell them,” I said. “If we get it annulled no one needs to know, right?”

 

“With my luck we called them in the middle of the night to tell them the happy news,” she snickered. “You know my dad made a joke about me getting married in Vegas. This is not going to go over well. We’re not prepared to be married again to anyone. Plus you’d have to deal with Willa… This is just bad.”

 

“Kids don’t bother me, Sookie,” I shrugged. I wasn’t looking to be Daddy, but the idea didn’t bother me for some reason. “We’ll figure it out and hopefully remain friends through it. I like you.”

 

“I like you too, but you shouldn’t be stuck with a kid you don’t want and I don’t ever want my daughter to feel like she’s just being tolerated, you know? Al was a dick in a lot of ways but he was over the moon for that baby,” she said.

 

“Or we could see how we get along when we get home,” I shrugged. “You know, in case the annulment takes too long, or it gets denied and we have to get a divorce because that’s at least six months of marriage.”

 

“Eric, just because we fucked up and got married doesn’t mean we’re moving in together or living like a married couple,” Sookie said. “In fact, I should take my stuff back to my room and burn the dress.”

 

“You didn’t look too hard at the papers on the desk, did you?” I said as I moved to pick up her receipt. She checked out when we picked up her bag.

 

“Fuck my life,” she sighed. “Then I’ll register for a new room.”

 

“Am I that bad to hang out with?” I was a little offended she wanted to get away from me.

 

“It’s not that. It’s… well it probably wouldn’t look good to a judge if we keep sharing a room, right? If we’re going to claim it was a drunken mistake, shacking up together is a bad idea.”

 

“It was a drunken mistake, sure, but we’re still friends. We live in the same town. We have weeks of messages in our phones. Us staying a room together two more days isn’t going to make a difference,” I told her. “If the judge denies us it’ll be based on the relationship we have. We’ll be fine, though.”

 

“You’re just proving my point. We can be friends but sharing a bed implies there’s something more going on,” she explained. “Besides I don’t see the big deal about me getting a room. I’m not asking you to pay for it.”

 

“Then get another room,” I shrugged. “I just don’t see the point. We’re not going to be denied, Sookie. We’ll make a compelling argument,” I promised.

 

“Oh yeah? Like what? What do we have other than impaired judgment going for us?” Sookie zipped up her suitcase. “I’m going to go downstairs and register for a different room.”

 

“We can say we’re both still grieving. The shitty thing Alcide and Maria did to us caused us to do something stupid,” I told her. I picked up her suitcase. “But if you insist, I’ll carry this.”

 

“It’s the best thing for us both,” she said.

 

“Mmhmm,” I hummed as I started toward the door. “You know we can leave this in here until you get a room, right? I can carry it over for you.”

“Fine.”

 

I set her bag next to the chair. I held out my hand to her, “Come on, we can eat too.”

 

Sookie reluctantly took my hand and followed me out of the room. We would figure this shit out. For some reason getting an annulment was starting to feel like the wrong thing to do. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

 

SPOV

 

I quietly drank my coffee while we waited for our food to come. I got blackberry pancakes and bacon. Surprisingly, I wasn’t as hungover as I would have expected considering how much we drank. In my mind I was trying to figure out how I was going to tell my parents without them losing their shit.

 

My phone buzzed in my sweater pocket. I pulled it out to see it was my brother calling me. Oh shit.

 

“Hi, Jase,” I answered.

 

“Mom and Dad are going to be pissed, Sookie,” he replied.

 

Uh oh.

 

“Uh, why?”

 

“Maybe you should check your sent messages, Mrs. Northman. Who is that big fucker?”

 

Oh. My. God.

 

I pulled the phone away from my face to check my texts and sure enough, I sent a picture of Eric and me from the night before. I was wearing my strapless blue dress with the lace on it that I found on the floor in Eric’s room. We were kissing in front of the chapel and I was holding up our marriage certificate.

 

Jesus fucking Christ.

 

“Uhhh that would be my husband,” I replied. “We’re annulling it, Jason. We got shitfaced on fishbowl drinks and I don’t even know how we ended up at the chapel.”

 

“Oh, yeah, fishbowls, that explains everything,” he said sarcastically. “You married someone? Do you even know him? Or did you just pick up some random dude on the street?”

 

“He lives in the same town we do, Einstein. His wife was fucking Al before they both died. She was the one who wrapped her Honda around a tree two months ago,” I told him. “Eric and I have been kind of friends since I discovered the affair.”

 

“So kinda friends turned into marriage? That sounds… what the fuck did they put in those fishbowls?”

 

“I have no idea but my memory is fuzzy at best and I have no idea how we ended up married. The last thing I remember is hotel security telling us to take it upstairs–”

 

“TMI, Sook,” Jason said, cutting me off.

 

“I think I remember that,” Eric grinned from across the table.

 

“You asked,” I said to Jason. “Regardless of that, Eric’s a nice guy but we’re not staying married.”

 

“Mom and Dad are still gonna be pissed,” he sighed.

 

“Oh I’m aware, believe me.”

 

The food runner came with our food.  The pancakes looked phenomenal.

 

“Is Mr. Nice Guy okay with being a stepdad?”

 

“I think so. He met Willa once and she didn’t kick him.”

 

“That’s a start,” he sighed again.

 

“You can Google him you know? He’s an author,” I told Jason. He wasn’t much of a reader, but he might have actually read some of Eric’s stuff.

 

“What’s he write? Is his book name Eric Northman?”

 

“Yes. He wrote Gray Matter–”

 

“You’re married to that guy!? Sook, you can’t divorce him. He can get me free books and autographs I can sell.”

 

I rolled my eyes. Of course he’d approve the marriage for his welfare.

 

“Jason, I’m not staying married to him so you can use him to start a side business online,” I said, earning a look from Eric.

 

“Why not? Hell, maybe you could start selling autographs,” he suggested.

 

“I’m not going to sell his autograph,” I sighed. All it took to get his mind going was dollar signs.

 

“Don’t forget I’ll be in the movie business soon too,” Eric chuckled. “Tell him that Reese kid offered me the Crane twins.”

 

“Eric’s turning something into the movie. The Crane twins are interested in it,” I relayed to my brother. Eric was going to regret bragging about that.

 

“Shit, Sookie, that’s an upgrade,” Jason snorted. “Now I need his number. We need to discuss this thing with the Crane twins.”

 

“Slow down, Corky,” I snorted. He hated that nickname.

 

“What? He’s my brother-in-law. We need to become friends.”

 

“Don’t get used to it. We’re not staying married,” I reminded him. “But the consummation was awesome.”

 

“Sis!” He probably wished he had brain bleach from the visual.

 

“Well it was,” I shrugged. Eric was grinning across from me. I poured syrup on my pancakes. “My breakfast is here. Can I call you later?”

 

“Yeah,” he answered. “Before you go, I just wanted to add that I haven’t seen you look that happy in a long time. I know you two were drunk, but the happiness looked real, ya know? It’s a good look on you, Sook.”

 

Ummm… Okay?

 

“Uh, thanks, Jase. I’ll talk to you later,” I said before I hung up.

 

“You know, if the consummation was that good I don’t mind another round,” Eric smiled as he cut into his biscuit.

 

“I know you don’t but I don’t think we should do it while we’re married,” I said. He stared at me like I was a little nutty.

 

“I take care of my woman, Sookie. Until the annulment goes through, you’re my woman. You get daily orgasms, lots of them,” he said seriously.

 

“I can do that myself if I need them,” I replied. I didn’t want a judge to have a reason to deny the annulment. If I didn’t have a kid I could maybe laugh at the situation but I had a child to consider and Eric didn’t seem too keen on the idea of being a stepdad.

 

“So I’m fucked but not literally until this shit goes through? You know a judge doesn’t have a camera in the bedroom,” he reminded me. “They can’t see what we do.”

 

“Well I’ve never gotten annulled before, Eric. I’ve never even been to court for a traffic ticket.”

 

“I have and I guarantee they don’t give a fly fuck what we do behind closed doors,” he replied. “I haven’t had an annulment, but I got a speeding ticket when I was nineteen.”

 

“So then you don’t know what they’re going to want to know for an annulment. Look, Eric, I can’t be cute about this. I have a child. You don’t seem to want kids and that’s fine, but I have one that I’m not going to be away from for too much longer. She’s always on my mind but I don’t expect her to be on yours. We’re just not in the same place that way,” I said.

 

“Have you asked me how I feel about kids? I’m well aware that you have a daughter, an adorable daughter at that. I’m not saying we should stay married, but if I’m being honest, being with you is not the worst thing in the world. You’re a gorgeous girl with a great personality. We’re compatible in the bedroom, your daughter will hopefully learn to like me, and most importantly, I’ve seen you at your worst and I still haven’t walked away. I’m not saying I love you, but that says something. It does to me, at least. I’m not sure whose idea it was to get married, but I’m not mad at it.”

 

“I’m not mad at it either but that doesn’t mean staying married is a good idea. I take being married seriously, Eric. I don’t think this is funny and we might be decent friends and great together in bed but that’s not a marriage,” I replied.

 

“I’m not laughing,” he replied. “I take marriage seriously too, Sookie. And it’s not a marriage yet, but it’s a damn good start.”

 

“Not to me it’s not.” There was a whole lot of stuff that was supposed to come before getting married and we had skipped most of it. “Why does it sound to me like you’re pulling a Ross?”

 

“What’s a Ross?”

 

“On Friends two characters drunkenly got married in Vegas. They were a couple for a while but hadn’t been for several years when they got married. Ross was supposed to file for the annulment but he decided that since he’d already been divorced twice he was just going to stay married to Rachel without telling her about it,” I explained.

 

“I haven’t gone through any other divorces and I figured we’d go to the courthouse together for the annulment,” he shrugged before taking a drink of his coffee.

 

I just shook my head. We weren’t getting anywhere. Besides, my food was getting cold. I stopped talking and concentrated on eating my breakfast. I didn’t know what he had planned for the day but I knew I was going to be consulting a lawyer or looking online to find out what we needed to do in order to get our oopsie marriage annulled. Whatever he might have had in his head in regards to trying to make it work he needed to just put it out of his mind because that wasn’t happening.

 

***

 

“I’m sorry, ma’am we’re all booked up on account of the convention,” the front desk clerk told me after breakfast.

 

“Seriously? I’ll take any room you have. I don’t care if it’s a ridiculously expensive suite,” I told him.

 

“We have no vacancies,” he repeated.

 

Except the one in your head where your brain should be.

 

“Great, thanks.” I gave him a fake smile and turned on a huff. Eric was trying not to gloat.

 

He leaned over the desk and asked, “Can I get a second room key? 736.”

 

“Can I see some identification… Mr. Northman?” the clerk asked after consulting his stupid computer.

 

Eric pulled his wallet out and showed him his driver’s license.

 

“Thank you.” The clerk fiddled around the behind the desk and then produced a keycard that he handed to Eric. “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

 

“No, thank you,” Eric smiled before handing me the keycard.

 

“I’m sleeping on the couch and we’re splitting the bill,” I told him. I saw the clerk smirk out of the corner of my eye.

 

“Honeymoon’s over,” he mumbled. I was tempted to reach over the desk and strangle him with his stupid tie. Lucky for him, Eric grabbed my hand and pulled me away.

 

“Never mind him,” Eric told me. “If it’s that important to you I can sleep on the couch.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Eric. That couch is barely long enough for me.” I jabbed at the elevator button.

 

“And? I’m not letting you sleep on a couch when there’s a perfectly good bed in the room. I don’t feel right doing it.”

 

“Jesus Christ can you ever just go along with something?” I got on the elevator when the doors opened.

 

“I can go along with tons of shit, but not that,” he told me as he followed me into the elevator.

 

“You realize this is a prime example of why we shouldn’t stay married, right?” I pushed the button for our floor.

 

“Because I’m a gentleman and you’re stubborn?”

 

“Because we’re arguing over sleeping on a couch and there shouldn’t be an argument since I volunteered to do it.” I folded my arms over my chest. He was such a pain in the ass.

 

“I think you’re being ridiculous. There’s no reason for you to sleep on the couch, Sookie. It’s uncomfortable as fuck and no one should have to sleep on it. I can put up a fuckin’ partition if you’re worried I’m going to touch you.”

 

“Since I’m being ridiculous, go right ahead and do that. Have fun.”

 

Eric shook his head. He turned to wrap his arms around me.

 

“Do we have to fight about everything?” he asked quietly. “I know we’re both stubborn, but can you please just sleep on the bed. I’m not going to touch you,” he promised.

 

“I’m not the one who turns things into a fight,” I argued. I say something he doesn’t like or I want to do something he can’t control and that’s how it starts. Every time.

 

“Then I’m turning the fight off. I still won’t let you sleep on the couch though.”

 

“Then I’ll sleep on the floor,” I shrugged. That was being ridiculous and I knew it.

 

“Am I that bad to sleep next to?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.

 

“It has nothing to do with that, Eric,” I sighed. “God, you take everything so personally. I swear you must have girl brain sometimes.”

 

He let me go when the elevator doors opened and turned to walk off without responding.

 

I shook my head. I was never going to drink another one of those fucking fishbowl drinks ever again. Back in the room it was obvious I was getting the silent treatment from Eric. I decided to just leave it alone. I had been married long enough in the past to know when to just let a man stew. When he was ready to talk to me about it he would. Until then, I was going to go looking for the process of getting our sham marriage put out of its misery.

 

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