1: Monkey Business

 

First game of the intramural season and of course it had to be hot as balls in the Baghdad sun outside. I could only be thankful I wasn’t catching anymore. All that gear was crazy hot. Instead I was distracted by a hot blonde sitting on the bleachers behind the opposing team’s side. I didn’t know who she was, but she had a pretty smile and a great rack.

 

Thankfully, I wasn’t so distracted that I missed the fly ball coming at me in deep left field. I made the catch and threw to the third baseman. How many outs was that? Shit. As the next batter walked to the plate she stood up clapping and whistling.

 

“Let’s go Jason!” she yelled.

 

Of course she had a boyfriend.

 

I needed to get my head back in the game. I wasn’t there to meet chicks. That’s what Monkey Bar was for. My buddy managed the place and they sponsored our team, even if Eric himself couldn’t give a tinier fuck. He wasn’t a sports guy. Sometimes I wondered about him.

 

Jason struck out, ending the top half of the eighth inning. I jogged in toward our dugout and grabbed a batting helmet. Tray was up next and I was up after him. He was hitting well, so the players took positions a little further out. It wouldn’t be hard for Tray to hit a homerun. I took my swings in the on-deck area and noticed Blondie looking my way. I smiled at her and she turned her head to say something to the brunette sitting next to her.

 

Tray smacked one out into the hole in left center, dropping it where no one could get to it. He stopped at second rather than trying to be a hero. I walked up to the plate and took two swings before stepping into the batter’s box. The strike zone had been pretty tightly called by the umpire behind me. I wasn’t the best hitter on the team, but I wasn’t the worst. Bunting was actually my best bet. I was a master at laying down perfect bunts. Great for advancing runners.

 

Waiting for the right pitch wasn’t easy, but I managed to get one I liked that rocketed by the first baseman. Tray had enough speed to make it from second base to home before the ball got back to the catcher. Unfortunately, the next batter struck out and the one after that hit the ball right to the third baseman, so they turned a double play. Even so, our lead had increased to three, and with only one more at bat, it wasn’t likely the visitors, the Panthers, were going to make a comeback.

 

My eyes kept wandering to Blondie. Her long legs looked good. Not too muscular, but nicely toned. She’d pulled her hair up off her neck.

 

Stop watching her. Watch the game, asshole.

 

It was easier said than done.

 

A solo homerun cut the deficit to two, but the Monkeys still won the first game of the season. Killer. I jogged in from the outfield to line up for the customary show of good sportsmanship, and high fived the guys on the opposing team. Most of us didn’t act like butthurt assholes if we lost and we weren’t jerkoffs if we won. The game was supposed to be fun, for fuck’s sake.

 

The real fun for me was going over to Blondie once the formalities were out of the way. I didn’t know if Jason was her boyfriend, friend or what but I was going to find out.

 

“Hi,” I said when I walked up to her.

 

“Hello,” she replied. “Good game.”

 

“Thanks. Usually I play better, but I was distracted,” I told her.

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“Yeah. There was a gorgeous blonde with great legs in the opposing team’s stands.”

 

She held her hand up to her forehead like she was blocking the sun. “Huh, I guess she left already,” Blondie said when she turned to face me again.

 

“Nope. I’m looking at her,” I smiled and held out my hand. “I’m Rasul, but you can call me handsome.” It was cheesy, but if it made her laugh that was all I cared about.

 

She did laugh.

 

“Nice to meet you Rasul, I’m Suzi.” She reached to shake my hand.

 

“Nice to meet you too. I don’t suppose you have a little free time right now?”

 

She glanced back at her friend before looking at me again.

 

“Shouldn’t you be going out to pizza or something with your team?”

 

“Drinks, actually, at the Monkey Bar a few blocks from here,” I said.

 

“Hmm, I’d like to, but I have to go with my brother,” she said, motioning toward Jason. “Can I take a rain check?”

 

Yes! Her brother!

 

“You absolutely can,” I agreed.

 

She pulled a cell phone out of her pocket and tapped the screen a few times. When she handed me the phone it was on a new contact screen.

 

“I can call you,” she offered.

 

“You better.” I entered my number for her.

 

“If I don’t?” she asked with a flirty smile as she took her phone back.

 

“It’s my job to track people down, so I guess I’d have to come find you. I’d prefer if you came to me, though,” I said. I didn’t want to come off like a stalker or something.

 

“Of course you would.” She tapped her phone again. “If I don’t call you in two days my number is waiting on your phone for you.”

 

“You’ll call,” I said with confidence.

 

“We’ll see,” she winked. “It was nice meeting you, Handsome. I need to run.”

 

“It was nice to meet you too, gorgeous,” I replied. I watched her walk away. She had a great ass, too.

 

I went over to the dugout to gather up the bats to take them home until the next practice on Tuesday.

 

DD

 

“Man, it’s fucking hot outside,” I said to Eric when I took a seat at the bar. “We won though. Six to four.”

 

“Nice,” he smiled. “What are you drinking today? The first round is on me.”

 

“Guinness,” I replied. He should know better.

 

“Figured. Wasn’t sure if it was a whiskey night,” he chuckled. He reached for a Guinness glass and walked over to the tap to pour it.

 

“Not tonight. I got a number after the game.”

 

“Oh yeah? Did you invite her here?”

 

“I did, but she had other plans. Those legs were distracting the hell out of me,” I admitted.

 

“Did you score any points or was it all Tray this time?” he laughed. “It wouldn’t be the first time you were distracted by a chick.”

 

“I had an RBI, thank you very much. Otherwise Tray would still be chilling on second.” I took a drink of my beer. It was the right way to top off a win.

 

“Except I don’t know what the fuck an RBI is, so that means jack shit to me,” he pointed out. Eric was into cars and tattoos. Sports had never been his thing. He had a cherry ‘68 Mustang Fastback he’d rebuilt a few years before.

 

“You should really check out the fine print on your man card. An RBI is a run brought in.  That means there was a guy on base when I had my at bat, and the hit allowed the runner to come home,” I explained.

 

“And the bases are the white things around the WiFi signal field?” he deadpanned. I knew the fucker was joking.

 

“Exactly. I’m glad you turned off Ellen long enough to learn that.” I could deadpan shit too.

 

He chuckled and said, “Maybe one day I’ll get some time off and get my ass out there to watch you guys.”

 

“I’d recommend it. Baseball is the easiest sport to follow,” I told him. For me it had the simplest concept and really only got complicated on a professional level.

 

“Eh, just isn’t my thing. My dad tried to get me into sports for years. Even playing basketball in high school didn’t help me.” He reached for another glass so he could pour his own beer.

 

“That’s because you have the coordination of a baby giraffe on muscle relaxers.”

 

“There’s that too.” He took a drink of the beer he pulled for himself.

 

“We all have our strengths, right?” I took another drink.

 

That reminds me, I’m working the fights next week if you want to come. I can get you in.” My boss was an MMA fighter in his free time and he was pretty fucking good.

 

“Hell yeah.” Eric didn’t consider MMA fights a sport since they didn’t involve a ball.

 

“Cool. You bringing someone or still just doing the benefits thing with Heidi.” He had no taste in sports but decent taste in women. As soon as I met Heidi I knew why he was interested. She was blonde with big tits that weren’t fake. Eric hated fake tits.

 

“I’m still fucking around with Heidi for now. It’s not going anywhere outside of the bedroom and we both know it. For now, it’s a good way to keep the edge off,” he shrugged. “What about the number you got? Does the chick just have nice legs or is she pretty everywhere?” He held out his hands in front of his chest to indicate big tits.

 

“She’s a full package, brother. I could spend some time navigating all the curves she comes with.”

 

“Damn,” he chuckled. “Now I can’t wait for you to bring her in here so I can check her out.”

 

“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” I smirked. Not bringing her by would drive him nuts. He was a nosey fucker. “I’m launching the boat tomorrow if you want to come by.” My house was right on the lake. I had lots of deck space and usually the grill was on. My brothers had a tendency to show up at my house on Memorial Day and stick around until the first frost.

 

“I probably will unless Heidi shows up after I’m off work tonight. I don’t have to be back in until six tomorrow night.”

 

“Fair enough. I’d rather get laid too,” I admitted.

 

“You know it’s not that often you find someone you’re compatible with in bed,” he shrugged.

 

He was right about that. I’d been single for a while, but it was by choice. Relationships were a lot of work, and after my last girlfriend I decided it was better to take a break for a while and just live my life. Summer was a sweet girl and my parents loved her, but she was in a hurry to get married. Actually, she was in a hurry to have a wedding. My plan was to get married once and that was it. My dad was Iranian and my mother was Turkish. Divorce was highly frowned upon. They weren’t too happy about me being over thirty and unmarried, but I wasn’t going to rush into it.

 

My parents had actually gone to Turkey three years ago to take care of my grandparents. Dad had been proud of my service in the Army and had come to Iran to visit me when I was stationed over there with Eric. I’d grown up in New Jersey and decided to enlist in the Army after 9/11 happened practically in my backyard. Basic training was where I met Eric. We were both inducted at Fort Benning in Georgia. From there we had been assigned to Fort Bliss in Texas. We somehow managed to get into the same unit and were deployed to Iraq together.

 

We did a year long tour there and then I did a second tour in Iran while he went to Afghanistan in a different unit. The fact that both of us made it back without any permanent damage was pretty amazing.

 

“Hopefully Suzi will end the drought,” I said, holding up my glass. Eric clinked his to mine and we both took a drink.

 

Eric wasn’t a womanizer, exactly, but he definitely had more of a wandering eye than I did. He wasn’t a cheater, though. He was upfront with the ladies about how much he sucked at monogamy. That was probably the only thing that kept him from getting his ass kicked repeatedly.

 

“I wish you luck with this one,” he said.

 

“Thanks. I’m gonna need it. Just judging by looks alone, I’m trying to get outside my class,” I chuckled. I wasn’t bad looking but she was smoking hot.

 

“Nah, you can’t think like that. You’ll never get anywhere in life,” he chuckled. “I don’t care how hot they are, I treat them all the same. Can’t play favorites, you know?”

 

“That’s where you’re wrong, brother. Every girl you pursue should be your favorite.”

 

“When I’m pursuing them, sure. If I know it’s never going to be serious why would I treat one better than the other. Hell, when I’m with them I treat them like fucking queens anyway,” he said. “Like with Heidi, she knows it’s never going to be serious but when we’re together you’d never guess.”

 

“I guess that works for you. I’m better one on one than trying to juggle a harem.” Women were a lot of work and a lot to learn. Trying to keep up with one was enough for me.

 

“I’ve never had a harem,” he chuckled. “Although, I wouldn’t mind one.”

 

“We’ll get you some of them fly parachute pants…” I tried to hold back my laugh and couldn’t. He looked like he’d shit himself.

 

“I don’t know what to do with you anymore,” he laughed after he let the comment work through his brain.

 

“The good news is Vanilla Ice made it work, so you have a shot.”

 

“Nah, you’re the musician in the family, brother.”

 

“Thank God. You can’t carry a tune for shit.” Didn’t stop him from getting up on stage and making a fool of himself. It was all in good fun. At least he could laugh about it. After some of the fucked up shit we saw, laughing was what kept us sane. “So when you’re done with your female, bring your pasty ass over to the house. Idris is coming down.” Idris was my younger brother. He was the wild one.

 

“I’m not sure my old ass can hang with him anymore,” he chuckled. “It would be nice to see him though. If she stays over she’s usually out by nine in the morning.”

 

“Then come for breakfast,” I said. “I’ll be cooking all day, probably.” I had a grill on the boat. It was a necessity. On warm summer days we were on the water from just after breakfast until sunset.

 

“I’m sure I will.” He took another drink of his beer.

 

“I’d say bring Heidi but I don’t want her thinking she’s been upgraded to girlfriend status.”

 

“Right,” he laughed. “She doesn’t want a relationship either, according to her. I’m pretty sure she has another dude she’s been seeing.”

 

“I don’t know if that’s a good thing or an insult.” My phone buzzed in my back pocket. I pulled it out to see a number I didn’t recognize. “I think Suzi’s calling.”

 

“That’s good you didn’t scare her off. I know how creepy you can be,” he joked. “Answer the damn phone.”

 

“I am. I’ll be back.” I got up to go outside where it wasn’t so loud. “Hello?”

 

“Hi, is this Handsome?”

 

“It is,” I said with a smile. “Is this Legs?”

 

“Legs, huh. I do have two legs,” she giggled.

 

Legs I’d like to feel wrapped around me.

 

“Yes you do. So, Legs, what has you calling me so soon?” I thought for sure she’d keep me waiting longer.

 

“I had a few free minutes. I didn’t want you to get nervous that I wasn’t going to call. After your promise to hunt me down I’m not too sure what you might do,” she teased.

 

“Probably bring you flowers,” I replied.

 

“That’s a good start.”

 

“It’s a good stepping stone to bunnies on the stove,” I joked.

 

“Yeah… that’s not creepy at all,” she laughed.

 

“I’m not going to boil a bunny on your stove,” I assured her. “But if you’re into water activities, I’m launching my boat tomorrow out on Mercy Lake. I’ll have people coming and going all weekend, but if you want to stop by and have a drink that would be cool. I’ll even ditch my guests and take you out on a private cruise.”

 

“Sure, I can do that,” she agreed. “What time are you going out tomorrow?”

 

“We’ll probably be out on the water by eleven.”

 

“Sounds good. Maybe I’ll be out in the afternoon? Does that sound good?”

 

“Perfect. Just send me a text and I’ll come back to the house. I’ll text you the address.”

 

“Perfect. So… bikini tops and shorts are the dress code?”

 

“Bottoms too unless you like skinny dipping from the waist down.” I wouldn’t mind.

 

“I guess I’ll leave you in suspense,” she giggled.

 

“I wish I could say the same. I’d definitely get arrested before you showed up if I went bottomless.,” I laughed.

 

“I’m sure anyone would,” she laughed too. “Text me the address and I promise I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“I’ll send it as soon as we hang up. I’ll see you tomorrow, Legs.”

 

“Have a good night, Handsome.”

 

We hung up and I kept my word by texting her my address right away. Hearing from her so soon was a surprise, but a good one. Hopefully she’d keep her word and I’d be seeing her the next day. I slipped my phone in my back pocket and went back into Monkey Bar.